Married - Single Mom
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It takes me snapping like I'm loosing my mind to get mine to do anything so I don't know if it gets better i frequently either get to have a shower or get a decent amount of sleep 4hrs or 3.5hrs .... this is my difference most of the time sleep wins out because I am that exhausted I have a 2 year old and a newborn and she was an accident I was on contraception trying specifically to not get pregnant he wanted another one I didn't
I’m sorry to hear that your husband isn’t that helpful with the baby. If the instinct hasn’t kicked in yet I would be running away from him. It sounds like he’s a selfish man and you would be better off with one baby rather than 2!
Before I had my son, I watch friends all over the country go through this with their own families. Most ended up splitting with the father because it didn’t get better or the change would only be temporary. The ones that stayed together went to marriage counseling and had family helping them. People will show you who they are well in advance. My husband and I had a hard time starting out. I was fully prepared to leave and sue for full custody if he turned out to not be my partner in parenthood. I refuse to raise a 30 something adult baby. We went to counseling and it has gotten better, it s a work in progress, an every day sort of thing. I want our son to learn to help his future partner! Not play 50’s household minus the beatings. And I made my husband understand that very clearly. Sure I sound like a bitch, but my family benefited from being one for this situation. I hope it gets better. It’s hard for our generation to build or have a community these days.
I’m not going to repeat all the above comments but it’s clear you’re in a really rubbish situation where it’s all on you. You’re both the parent and although you are the primary caregiver you can’t be the best mom unless you get a break every now and then. All I would add is a tip for showing. I used to put a blanket in my little boys baby bath and lie him in it with some toys and have him in the bathroom with me. I could shower while keeping an eye on him and it was a game changer. You shouldn’t have to not get to do the basic necessities of life like washing!
The father instinct is learned. I really had to teach and explain every thing multiple times. I pull the do you want to play with the baby or do this chore card countless times. He gets baby out of bed every morning, gives her milk, and plays with her for 30min while I shower and dress. It works better if baby doesn't see me until after my shower. I always save the new toy for him to open and show baby first. You'll figure it out but it does take a lot of patience and communication.
Thank you everyone for your input on my rant. I do have a lot to think about, and i know i need to have a conversation w him as soon as possible because holding it in is just going to cause resentment, which isn't good at all. Just hard to talk to someone who rarely is receptive and not quick to anger. I don't know how to address it yet. Being married also adds an extra stressor in this because it's not like i can just pick up and leave w my daughter as a SAHM right now. Just so much to think about and consider at this point, but im drowning. My postpartum has been nothing like i expected especially since after my daughter being in the NICU for 5 days i feel like ive been fight or flight since then...just overwhelmed w no one to talk to about it. So i appreciate everyone here on this post, i know i have ONE child not two and there needs to be some stepping up.
I had been in a similar boat and I think half the time men just don’t really know what to do with babies. I’ve been told by so many people that when the dads can actually play with babies that’s when they spend a lot more time with them. I guess mums are the nurturing parents and men are the ‘fun’ parent. I would just speak to him, this helped with my partner and he does help me out more with our LO