Starting to resent husband

I'd get annoyed at my husband if he did this. My husband helps with night feeds at the weekend but during the week when he is at work I do the night feeds. When he comes home from work he showers and then comes and takes baby so I can have a shower & finish making dinner. Honestly I'd be so broken if I didn't have the help

This is a huge gender gap. One thing is to not call it "help". Child rearing and keeping the house is not your "job". It is the responsibility of everyone that lives in the house and if your husband sees it as your role then you will never have the equality you are seeking. I recommend the Facebook group "bridging the gap". They have an audit download which I have just got to have a look at with my husband as it frustrates me that he feels he can just disappear to mow the lawn while I get two littles and me ready to go out

You could try to agree with him a schedule for household chores. Write on a paper a weekly calendar with all the chores/childcare that needs to be done during the week and put his and your name on each one. Having them written down will show him how much you are doing and all the help you need! And also this way you only discuss it once and you don't need to keep asking him (and hearing the nagging) all the time

I feel you. For me it is so hard because my boyfriend is fiercely independent, and we also live separately, 40 minutes apart. For the first two weeks, he was off work and super involved. And when we're together he takes responsibility for our son. But after the first two weeks of the baby's life, he has spent every other weekend completely away from us, and gets really nasty with me when I tell him I'm having a hard time with it. He also insists on 3 nights a week to himself to play video games. My baby is going through a sleep regression right now and I'm utterly exhausted. I gave him a hard time about refusing to come over and help me, and he responded by calling me an asshole. 😔 Honestly I'm starting to think about ending the relationship.

Have you had a real sit down with your husband and explained to him how you feel and how this is effecting your relationship?

@Tiffani I would end this relationship if I were you, this man is a part time parent and if he wanted to be a dad he would be living with you

@Kelsey Thanks. We've both talked about wanting to move in together, but we both own our own homes so it's complicated. Every idea we've come up with has involved me taking all the risk and him taking none. Some days I'm completely okay with our arrangement, and am able to appreciate what he does for our son when we are together. The root problem is that he is never willing to adapt and change his plans to be there for me when I hit a rough patch unexpectedly like I did this weekend.

@Tiffani that's how my previous relationship was, I was with him for 9 years and he was never the one to compromise he was never the one to make the effort I had to ask for help and deal with the childish hissy fit that came afterwards. My current husband does switches every other night with me doing overnight feeds, he compromises, and helps. He hates doing dishes, but if I need help he will either do the dishes or do another task that needs to be done. like laundry or mopping the floors. It sounds to me like your boyfriend wants to eat his cake and have it too. Only wants to be a dad when it is convenient, but a baby isn't a thing of convenience and when your partner gives birth its a huge toll on the body and there needs to be recovery time, and help. 3 days a week isn't help and isn't being a parent. I understand loving and caring about the person, but when they don't support you in the ways you need it leads to a failing resentful relationship

I could have written this myself (but just with one child). I don’t have any advice sadly but I do feel your pain, it’s really frustrating 😞

@Tiffani honestly it sounds like he still wants to live the single life. Nothing about this screams family man to me. If I was you I would fine a new partner.

@Cassie I feel the same way sometimes. It's so hard. When he's with us, he is fully present and loves our son so much. And loves me well. He changes diapers, feeds baby, takes him for me so I can nap, and plays with him. But he has the energy to do all that so well because he doesn't spend nearly as much time with our son as I do.

@Tiffani I am in a sort of similar situation but not exactly. My partner and I weren't exactly in a relationship when we conceived my daughter. Hell, we weren't lol. It was tough cuz he didn't even want a child and the battle to even speak to each other was hard in the beginning. We have 2 very separate lives because we also already have children from previous relationships. We live about 30 min from each other, BUT, we do try our best to blend our lives while maintaining what we have without rushing into anything or, ignoring each others' needs. Our daughter is 3 months so I'm still very in the thick of things. We've committed to helping each other as best we can and there are times I wanna kick him down a flight of stairs, but we are both doing our best and our blend (my 13yo son, his 4yo son and now our daughter) is working out. My advice is after a conversation if nothing is changing and you are feeling worse, THEN talk about ending things. We have to make informed decisions when they are permanent