Mother-in-law trouble
I’m really struggling with my mother-in-law and not sure if I’m just being sensitive since being pregnant. My mother-in-law had a very difficult relationship with my partner’s ex when they were together and my ex rarely saw his family. Now his ex and his mum are like best friends, chatting every day. Over the last 18 months I’ve found out she’s been telling her our business and although it has annoyed me I’ve ignored it and just been careful what I told my MIL. Since I’ve been pregnant she’s been difficult and it’s really upset me but I’ve not told my partner because I don’t want to put him in a difficult position. I have various female health conditions so we were very lucky to conceive within 3 months and she continuously makes comments as if baby wasn’t planned, when she most definitely was. My in-laws haven’t even told their friends about us expecting, it’s like they’re ashamed. When we told them we were engaged his mum was saying about how much she’s wanted him to propose etc. so she says she accepts me but I certainly don’t feel comfortable or accepted. When we moved into our home she openly sat there and made a point of saying what she didn’t like about our home. When we told them we were pregnant (we did it in a special way with all close family) she read it and ignored it, then proceeded just to talk about his ex having children, there was no congratulations or excitement. I’ve made an effort to send all scan photos and keep them updated as I do my mum but she either ignores it or has a spiteful comment. She’s never asked how I am or how baby is, and she’s never taken an interest in what her name will be. When we told her, she made a nasty comment about a tv character “are you sure you want that name?” We told my MIL we’d be giving our daughter her late mother’s name as a middle name (for her benefit as we knew she’d be offended if we didn’t) and she just nodded. I’ve had a very difficult pregnancy, had frequent appointments and hospital visits but she always down plays things and tells me a story of how she has struggled with something recently. I know everything I do and will do is going to be judged and under scrutiny, she’s already made comments about how we’re selling my car, buying a new one, as mine is so small and how we have “wasted money” buying a pram and baby clothes new. It’s not like we’ve asked anyone for money, we work hard and are very fortunate that we can afford to do it. I dread visiting my in-laws now and avoid it like the plague but I know I can’t always do that. I’ve cried to my partner about it all but he doesn’t ever say much about confrontation as he really struggles with nerves and anxiety so avoids it.
Apologies for the long rant, I just feel so fed up and emotional about it all 😣
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My cousin told me this quote “just because they’re blood doesn’t mean they’re family, anyone can be family”. I’m 22 with 3 girls and an incident had happened with family that made me so depressed during pregnancy and after it. When she told me this quote I realized that she was right I mean best friends are family. If you don’t wanna be around them because of how she is than you have the right to not go over or attend anything, you don’t even have to give her updates. It is tiring when you’re the only one putting in an effort and you have to do what’s better for yourself, your health and the baby. Don’t give her any updates if she doesn’t ask, don’t tell her any business at all. I come from a very toxic family and while I’ve had my girls I’ve cut off half my family and I don’t feel bad, I feel better mentally, emotionally and physically. I don’t go to family events and don’t invite them to anything. You can either ghost, distance or stand up for yourself.
Give the same energy and effort back you receive, ultimately your baby n partner comes first and it should be the same for him as now this is his new family and everything else is second, you don’t need the stress especially as you’ve said your lucky to conceive your little girl. Honestly don’t bother sending any pics, updates or anything unless she asks for it now and if it comes up that your not keeping her informed you can just say you’re focussing your energy on those who are bringing positivity. Does your partner see your side or does he defend his mom, cos if he sees your side and doesn’t want confrontation that’s ok to some extent unless there’s any lines crossed in ur eyes, u can let him know that you don’t need confrontation but his understanding and if he feels he can’t stand up to her then you’ll take a step back yourself and if she says anything you can say to speak to your partner and he can deal with it as u don’t need this stress.
Enjoy your pregnancy babe & good luck!
I get you don’t want to put him in a difficult situation but if your uncomfortable you need to say something to him so he can address it there’s ways to do it without being disrespectful. He will figure it out if he loves you he will do it . Your pregnant with his child that’s already enough your going through being pregnant carrying a whole human !!! Her trying to be funny bringing up his ex and acting funny towards you she’s doing it on purpose!! I have issues with my mother in law to I never said nothing for 3 years just let her disrespect me until I got tired of it and went off on her .. her daughters felt a way cause there brother which is my husband was on my side but as he should be ! They felt like I shouldn’t if said nothing but nope I got tired of it ! . Advocate for your self love !
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