My friend keeps miscarrying, and I’m pregnant

Having been the person having the miscarriage when my best friend was pregnant, just give her as much space as she needs. I felt completely awful because as much as I love my friend and want nothing more then for her to be happy, I had a lot of ugly feelings. I didn’t want to see her at all. I’d message and say you’re thinking of her and if she needs anything you’ll be there. Let her know that you will be there when and if she wants to see you. Let her come to you is probably the best thing. My friend was amazing and completely understand that I didn’t want to see her at that time. It took a few weeks, but things soon got back to normal. X

I agree with Alice. I’ve been the friend who miscarried and fighting my own emotions towards others being pregnant was the hardest thing for a long time. Let her know you’re there, but on her terms.

I have a friend who had a miscarriage last year and has struggled to conceive for many years. Honestly I hated telling her I was pregnant. I have tried to reach out since to see how she is but haven’t had any response. I really want to see her, just to see how she is but I get she probably doesn’t want to see me. It’s upsetting my end but I know she is hurting. It’s really hard to not take it personally though, I get it. There isn’t really anything else you can do but be patient and try not to take her feelings personally.

I’ve had 4 miscarriages. They day one of them started my brother in law announced he and his girlfriend were having their second baby. I cried, a lot. I was worried that I’d find it hard to be around them as her bump grew. It wasn’t easy but wasn’t as hard as I expected. Definitely check in on your friend but also give her any space she needs. I also wouldn’t bring up anything to do with your pregnancy when you talk to her unless she asks. She may find it hard to see you but she may be ok with it, only she will know that. Definitely don’t avoid her, she’ll need a lot of support at the moment x

Thank you all ladies. And thank you for sharing your own personal experiences.

My SIL and I were pregnant around the same time and she has recently miscarried. I still feel so awkward and haven't spoken to her much because I feel bad. I spoke to my brother to explain I'm not being rude but just trying to give her space, but I completely get where you're coming from! I've not said anything in my family group chat since because I feel so bad!

I know it’s not the same but I remember when I first got pregnant it ended in miscarriage and my sister was also pregnant and due her son 2 months after I lost mine and the day I came out of hospital she was showing me the bedroom and all the stuff she had for her baby which I found so disrespectful after knowing i just came out of hospital she was bragging and rubbing it in my face I almost cried just try and be supportive and let her come 2 u in her own time I hope everything works out for ur friend in the end bless her xx

@Sarah gosh that is an awful experience and not the way to support you. I am so sorry

It’s so hard isn’t it. I just want to strike the balance right. But there’s no perfect way. It’s about allowing her to have all those horrible, jealous, upsetting feelings that she is rightly allowed to have, whilst also balancing it with care, compassion and hope for the future.

Yes I know my own mum wasn’t much better tbh she said it wasn’t the right time and told me I’m only young and can try again u would think she would know better after having so many miscarriages herself x

@Sarah zero validation of your feelings 😅

I'm pregnant, and my best friend is struggling to conceive for 6 months so the whole way through my pregnancy. I still see her and text like normal, but every time I see her, I add that I'm keeping everything crossed for her and always remind her I'm here for her. I'm glad she still talks to me about her struggles, and I still talk about pregnancy. If I don't mention anything about baby, she actually asks me lol!

I’m actually in a really similar situation so good to read these comments! I’ve just tried to keep in touch with my friend via message for now but not seen her in person as I know it will be difficult for her to see me. As others have said I’m hoping she’ll just come to me when she’s ready. As you say it’s just a really difficult situation to be in and hard to not take it personally, just the thought of me upsetting someone is really hard but I just have to keep remembering it’s completely out of my control. Just trying to be as sensitive as I can atm! Take care x