Lazy Partners?

Have you told him this?

@Carys I feel too anxious to even bring it up and I don't know why ...

Mine is the same way. I had to go back to the ER cause of headaches and he promised he would help without me asking but now he just ignores me completely

I would try being extremely clear with what you need from him. I was/am in a similar boat, my partner has to be asked to do anything with the baby although he does pull his weight in terms of housework. But he has much more time to chill, and he gets to sleep whereas I am always on the clock. I had expressed what I needed before but it wasn’t until I really laid it out that he started to get it. I wouldn’t say I threatened to leave but I went as far as saying I’d been considering what things would look like if we split and co-parented. At least on his days he would have to look after baby and I would get a breather. And I really meant it. It’s early days but things have improved so I’m hopeful! Maybe try leaving him alone with baby every once in a while so he will get used to it and really learn what needs doing. It’s hard!

@Michelle I'm worried if I do that, he won't be able to feed her and I'll have to come home to do it. I'm supposed to start work again in June and I really don't see it happening if he can't do the basic things like cuddling and feeding his own daughter..

@Mariah We barely talk as is. He doesn't even ask if I'm okay or just general conversational questions

What do you mean he can’t do it? He won’t? Or doesn’t know how?

I’ve had this exact problem with my baby daddy/my ex and it’s just got us nowhere. I told him exactly what I want from him in regard to our daughter and he did it for a few days and then it’s like he lost interest. He can’t comfort her, he doesn’t put nappy cream on her when he changes her so she’s currently sore and I’m the one having to deal with it, he doesn’t sit on the floor and play with her. All he does when he visits is sit on his phone and vape constantly and it drives me up the wall.

@Michelle He can't. He struggles to get comfortable holding her because of his large frame. He's 6'4 and a solid guy and just comfortably can sit in our recliners

@Beth lol what? My husband is 6ft 4 and had never used this as an excuse because it isn't one

@Carys I just genuinely don't know how to approach it.. he told me when we first got together he wanted nothing more than a little girl before he was 30. I delivered and now I'm the live in nanny, or feel like one at least.

Hi Beth, I can understand how that is a difficult conversation. Do you think he would respond well to being needed? So rather than saying you are not doing xyz, instead say, I am finding these things difficult and I need you to help me… I tend to find I get a better response when my partner feels like he is wanted. Sometimes I think he believes that I have it all under control and he is not required. X

I agree with Sarah! You have to get over your fear of approaching tough conversations with your partner and remember keep the conversation positive when doing so. I went through this and thought my partner was “lazy” also. After several conversations we got to the root of the problem and it turns out he was feeling that early on I criticized everything he did with the baby so he eventually lost confidence in his ability. So we hit the restart button and now if he’s not holding the baby the way I would, or changing the diaper the way I would I keep my mouth shut 😂 and I always make sure to tell him what a great job he’s doing or remind him how lucky me and my son are to have him no matter how big or small the task. A lot of this stuff comes naturally to us and it just doesn’t for a lot of men and I think sometimes they just need a little more time. that’s my opinion 🤷‍♀️ I know not everyone agrees but w/e haha

My husband is the exact same way. Unless I ask him to do something, he won’t do it. Not even diaper changes. I’m up the whole night with the baby while he sleeps. It’s so hard. I do all the housework and I exclusively breastfeed so I’m always with our baby and nursing him. It’s so much and I’m exhausted. I feel like a single mom with a husband

Update: He asked me this morning if I was okay, he noticed I was off last night and immediately said "I'm sorry for whatever I did" and gave me a huge hug. I said that I need him to do more, to be a dad and actually cuddle Milly. He apologised and said he'll endeavour to be better and help more when he sees I need it.

@Emma You poor thing :( I'm lucky that I don't breastfeed, I think I'd be up on a murder charge if I were from lack of energy and patience ..

@Lydia I actually really love that perspective. I didn't even stop to think from that view and I appreciate you for helping me see it from a different point.