Community Posts, Tips & Support on Postpartum Care

Honest, unfiltered, and in real-time: what women like you are talking about. Peanut group chats, support, and posts on Postpartum Care

When did you circumcise your baby?
If you DID NOT or DO NOT have a circumcised son DO NOT comment this post is not for you!

Did you wait a certain amount of time or have it done immediately?
Again respectfully, this is only for the parents who choose to do so.
opinions about how not necessary it is will not be appropriate for this post. Thank you in advance. 🩵

Sex post C section

Hi ladies I’m 4 weeks 5 days postpartum and I had a C section. I’m not bleeding properly anymore just some brownish discharge stuff that starts on and off. I’d like to do the deed with my partner; is it okay to do so or shall I wait the full 6 weeks. I feel up for it but also worried because the advice is 6-8 weeks.

Postpartum

I’m only 3 days postpartum (FTM) and already have extremely bad anxiety. I’m crying every night, as I think of another night of no sleep. My baby will not settle in his cot, he cries every moment we put him down unless in his chair rocker. So me and my partner are having to alternate after 3/4 hours of being awake with him downstairs. I’m trying everything to get him to settle. It’s a load of overwhelming stress. I’m 23, I was desperate for a baby and now I have one and feel completely useless. I miss it just being me and my partner.

Guilt

Does anyone else feel guilty for every little thing they do? I feel like I need to be entertaining my little one at all times. If I have to put her in the activity center to finish a task, instant guilt. In the car for too long, instant guilt. Replying to work emails instead of interacting with her, instant guilt. I know independent play is good for her but my brain thinks otherwise. Please tell me it gets better, I’d love to shower for more than 10 minutes without it feeling like the world is going to collapse.

Day 3 crying

Please tell me it’s normal to be so weepy on day 3???!! I don’t even really know why I’m crying. Just a huge sense of overwhelm, tiredness, anxiety for the upcoming night! Needing some reassurance please x

When does it get better?

I was crying on the phone with the perinatal mental health team today and the lovely lady, bless her, kept assuring me that it gets better. I kept telling her I hope so because people have been saying that since having my LO and it just feels like it keeps getting worse. She assured me it gets better....

Separation Anxiety

How are we living with little one going through separation anxiety? My little one just started and only wants mom. She loves her Daddy but as of lately only wants to play with him if she’s on mom’s lap. I can get nothing done because she wants to be with me 24/7. The only break I get is when grandma is here (maybe she looks enough like me), not sure why because dad is home everyday and gives her so much attention. But it’s at the point where I can barely shower without her screaming.

Abandonment

I had an epiphany last night and I recognized I have severe abandonment issues. Everyone in my life has abandoned me at one point or another including people most important to me. I constantly do for others to try and keep them in my life and get them to realize they love me and need me so they won’t leave but I end up being disappointed. I’m exhausting my husband with the constant need for his presence and reassurance. I need help. I had an appointment for therapy just to be told they are out of network the day before. I am trying to go through my insurance but I have Medicaid and need something virtual for now because I have an infant and my husband works all day. I can’t afford out of pocket. I am desperately trying to find something so please don’t comment and say do therapy. What I’d like to know is if you have had/have these same issues what helps you? What has your therapist told you to do? I need something to help me in the meantime while navigating this process.

Rant/WWYD

My sister (youngest, 24) has two kids, 4 & 1, and i (oldest, 30) just have my one who’s 6mo old right now, so i ask her for advice or call her to vent about things sometimes. Well im tired of her turning around and telling my other family members that I’m “losing my sh*t.” Literally have not lost my sh*t nor have i ever freaked out to her about my baby, i just call her to talk and tell her what stage my baby is in or talk through how im feeling, but she chooses to tell people that im like a complete nutcase or something which worries me that my family is going to start being judgmental about me as a mother or looking at me funny like I’m some fragile ticking time bomb.

What would you do in this situation? I’m already pretty much decided that I’ll stop telling her anything about my struggles, but I’m almost at the point where i feel like it should be confronted because she, of all people, should understand what I’m going through.

So anxious when my stepdaughter is around.

It seems like every time she’s here my 9 month old gets sick or injured, I’m starting to feel like she’s bad luck. When my baby was 4 months old, she gave her Covid. Last weekend, she was sitting with her & my baby ended up falling off a chair & thankfully was ok just a little bump. My stepdaughter just got dropped off & hasn’t been here for a full hour & she was playing with my baby & not watching her apparently bc she ended up just busting her lip on the table. On all occasions, I’m sitting nearby but trusting her to bond and play with her baby sister & she just fails every single time. Now whenever she wants to hold her or play with her I feel like I’ve got to be the bad guy & say no bc she keeps getting hurt when you’re nearby.

Do you ever worry that social media is skewing your perception?

My social media algorithm is full of Mum stuff (loads of it total BS and worth ignoring) and motivational posts about debt, burnout and body perception... And obviously cat videos. I sometimes wonder what other people are seeing and whether all of our opinions and perceptions are being skewed and shaped in a bad way based on what we see in our day to day social media feeds!

My younger sister in particular I struggle to understand her perception and her take on life and I wonder if a large part of that comes from her being influenced massively by social media! She refuses to take my (really very good) advice and then finds herself in a crap position and it's so frustrating!!!! Like why are you taking the advice of influencers rather than advice from someone who actually knows you through and through! It drives mental to the point I wish social media would F off and die

Do men really enjoy fellatio?

Been together more than 10 years, but it's been a while since he even seemed remotely interested in me getting on my knees, or vice versa so to speak. I think it was once last year. Must be something I am doing wrong 🤔. Generally everything else in that department is great and we have two young kids with no extra support, so it's quite surprising we can't keep our hands off each other but may need to try new things. It's basically 2 positions each time with some foreplay.

Overwhelmed

I’m 18 weeks and I feel like I just want to cry all the time, I’m worried I’m not going to be a good enough mum, and I’m constantly worried about baby, If she’s healthy. I keep having dreams that’s she born early, or with complications, please tell me me I’m not alone feeling like this!

Support Belt

Hello! Has anyone used a pregnancy support belt for pelvic pain? I'm in so much pain lately and just ordered one, but I'm unsure about how and when to use it! Does it prevent the baby from dropping? Thank you for any advice!

Mom guilt

My baby starts daycare in 2 weeks and Im crying every night thinking she deserves better. Shes babbling so much and is so curious, im afraid the teacher's won't so enough for her. We've been together every day and its killing me that im going to be separated from her. Its an aching feeling, gives me so much anxiety. She will be attending the daycare i work at but i watch a separate group of kids in a different room. The thought of knowing shes so close but i cant be with her kills me. How do you all manage it?

I think Motherhood has made me more bitter than I realized…

This is such a ramble but I don’t know where else to put it all.

I’m four months in and I don’t really have hobbies right now. I don’t do anything for myself except maybe doomscrolling or listening to a podcast while I breastfeed my baby. I used to craft and have game nights with friends. Activities that usually are at least 2 hour stretches. Now if I have an hour free my mind immediately goes to baby, or doing something in the house for baby.

And I thought I didn’t mind. Like I knew postpartum could be very mentally consuming. But I think it’s altering how I view people around me and it’s prodding at my relationship with my husband.

He spends most of his time making food for us, looking after our dogs, playing with the baby, ect. But he still has time for his hobby. Spends maybe an hour a night on it. Even adapted to using a bot for shopping for his hobby after a certain incident where we had to have a heart to heart after he left me home alone with the baby for hours during a busy workday (I work from home) to shop for his hobby.

And yet there’s like this little green eyed monster in me that rages every time I know he’s running off to start up the bot. Even though I’m the reason he does it this way.

We took a family trip last weekend to see his best friend and their kids and let them meet the baby. He brought the laptop. He’s always brought a laptop on trips and it’s never been a problem to me before. But one night we both woke up while the baby was still asleep, and he wandered out of the room. I tried to fall back asleep but couldn’t. So I went to the kitchen to try having something warm to drink to settle me. And he was there at the table running the bot from his laptop. I flipped out at him. But there really wasn’t reason to. It’s not like I needed help with the baby and he was ignoring me. He wasn’t avoiding our friends. He was just awake and unable to sleep and found something to do with his time. Yet my snap reaction was “why the hell would you do this on a family trip?”

I don’t know what it is. Maybe it’s the less complete sleep from baby’s middle of the night feed? My brain being just consumed by baby? Maybe I’m not as over that shopping incident as I thought? But I’m just so annoyed at his hobby right now. The green eyed monster thinks “you could be using that time differently” but realistically to do what exactly??? Stare at our baby in the dark???

I spent probably an hour apologizing to him after I snapped. And he’s of course hurt and frustrated because I said some very mean things in the moment.

I don’t want to be this jealous, angry person. But I also don’t know how to find time for myself in this right now outside of basic hygiene. It’s like I’ve forgotten how to be myself, even if just for an hour.

Maybe I need a therapist.

Complicated pp

I’m 4 weeks pp; am I the only one that has a uti and clit kinda went inward?? I’m waiting the 6 weeks but I have used a vibrator and I have a hard time feeling anything

circumcision

are we circumcising our boys? or leaving that to dad?

Postpartum

Welp today I had my first cry of sadness. I am a FTM 36 yr old my baby is will be 1 month on the 25th. Since having him I’ve cried a lot but they were tears of joy and gratitude to God for giving me something so precious. But today I just felt sadness like am I doing this right I’m too old to not know what I’m doing just felt overwhelming today . But I took my dogs out and just cried out to God prayed I feel alittle better but just can’t completely shake the feeling ❗️