How Safe Is Co-Sleeping & Bed-Sharing?

Is co-sleeping bad?

What are the benefits of co-sleeping?

At what age is co-sleeping safe?

How will I know when to stop co-sleeping with my child?

What even is co-sleeping??

We get it: is a topic a lot of parents disagree on, but what are the facts?

Everyone seems to have an opinion on co-sleeping (or bed sharing) with your baby or toddler.

Naturally, you want your baby to sleep through the night, to make those night-time feedings as few as possible ‒ after all, you need your rest, too!

So, whether you're Team Co-Sleeping or keen on independent sleeping, we’re doing a deep-dive into all you need to know about co-sleeping, so you can decide whether it’s right for you and your babe.

In this article: 📝

What is considered co-sleeping?

So what is co-sleeping?

In a nutshell, co-sleeping means sleeping near or next to your child.

But it's a little more nuanced than that.

Turns out, there are four different types of co-sleeping.

1. Same-room co-sleeping

Having your newborn or toddler sleeping in the same bedroom as you and/or your partner, in a different bed or crib.

2. Bed-sharing co-sleeping

Sharing a bed with your baby and you and/or your partner while you sleep.

3. Sidecar co-sleeping

Attaching a crib or sidecar bed (securely) to your bed.

Similar to a normal crib or bassinet, but with one of the sides dropped to attach to your bed.

4. Part-time co-sleeping

For older children or toddlers with their own bedrooms, when your child can sleep in your bed when they want.

Usually, it’s when they have a nightmare or wake themselves up partway through the night.

Then they wake you up…

Is co-sleeping okay?

So, let’s get into the nitty-gritty: is co-sleeping okay?

Well... yes and no.

There have been a fair amount of co-sleeping research studies that have highlighted the benefits and negative effects of co-sleeping.

Pros of co-sleeping

When done right, you could find that co-sleeping with baby benefits both of you.

Here are the benefits of co-sleeping:

• Breastfeeding is much easier. You won’t have to get up and go to a different room to feed baby ‒ co-sleep can make it much easier ‒ simply shift to the side, and voila!
• You and baby will influence each other. As you’re sleeping closer to each other (within sensory reach, as James J. McKenna, Professor of Biological Anthology at the University of Notre Dame says), you and baby will be more in sync with each other. According to one of his co-sleeping research studies, your heart rates, brain waves, sleep states, temperatures, oxygen levels, and breathing can all become in tune.
• Baby will be less stressed. According to a small study in 2011, while babies went to sleep quicker after sleeping further away from their mothers, their stress levels (thanks to the stress hormone, cortisol), remained high. So baby might fall asleep faster if they’re in a separate room, but it could cause them some stress.
• You’ll get more sleep. Overall, it seems that both you and baby will sleep for longer when you’re co-sleeping. Baby won’t have to cry for food (as much), and you won’t have to get out of bed (or at least travel far from bed) to feed them.
• Reduces the risk of postpartum depression. Sleep deprivation can increase the chance of postpartum depression. Since you may sleep better with co-sleeping, that could help reduce the risks of postpartum depression.
• It’s how we used to sleep. Jumping back 40,000 years ago, our Neanderthal ancestors used to sleep close to their babies, feeding them before they could cry. After all, they had to contend with prehistoric lions, tigers, and bears (oh my!), so they couldn’t take the risk of a crying baby.
• Co-sleep is becoming more common. You’re not alone in co-sleeping, according to a survey by The Lullaby Trust, 9 in 10 parents have at least tried bed-sharing or co-sleeping with their baby.
• The risk of SIDS can be reduced. SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome) is defined as the “unexplained death, usually during sleep” of some babies. According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, sleeping in the same room as your baby can reduce the risk of SIDS.
• You and baby can bond more. Baby can feel more safe and secure, and you can feel more connected to them.

Cons of co-sleeping

So is co-sleeping bad? Sometimes, sort of, yes.

But usually only when it's not following safe baby sleep guidelines.

• The risk of suffocation can increase with bed-sharing. While we don’t want to scare you, it is worth pointing out that the bed-sharing technique of co-sleeping has been linked to an increased risk of suffocation when safety precautions are not being taken..
• Weaning baby off co-sleeping can be tricky for some families, but it’s not an issue if you are prepared to take a gradual approach and understand that your child is used to sleeping in close contact.
• You might wake up more often. As baby moves in the night, your instincts can kick in because you naturally stay in a lighter state of sleep, so you wake up whenever they move.
• You may lose your ‘alone time’. Sometimes, especially in the early stages of motherhood, the evening is the only time you get to yourself. Whether you want to get intimate or just relax with a movie, co-sleeping can make it a bit trickier, so you might need to get creative.

At what age is co-sleeping safe?

In general, the AAP (American Academy of Pediatrics) recommends that you can co-sleep with your baby from birth until they’re six months to a year old.

However, they also advise against bed-sharing, instead preferring having a bassinet or crib in your room, nearby to your bed.

But, as we all know, parenting is different for everyone.

Different things can come into play, like your own cultural beliefs, and yours and your baby’s individual needs ‒ like medicine, wellbeing, and emotional support.

Baby sleep expert Alicia Dyson, says, "It’s important to acknowledge that often bed sharing isn’t the first choice for a lot of parents but parents will reactively begin bed sharing due to lack of sleep. Regardless of your desire to share a bed with your baby, it’s important to know how to set up your sleep space as safely as possible, if need be. There is nothing more dangerous than falling asleep in a recliner or on a couch with your baby when you’re an exhausted parent."

So be safe, but you do whatever feels right for you and your family, mama.

At what age should you stop letting your child sleep with you?

There’s no hard-and-fast rule for “when is a child too old to sleep with parents?”, it depends on your family.

If you have a toddler co-sleeping, be it bed-sharing, room-sharing, or part-time co-sleeping, it can be trickier to get them into a sleep environment like a crib, especially if they’ve never slept in one before.

But don't fret — Alicia Dyson has some advice: "Opting for a floor bed in their own sleep environment when you are ready to make this transition is usually ideal as it allows you to lay with them and support them during this transition. You can gradually work on leaving and going back to your own sleep environment.".

Basically, when it comes to a co-sleeping age limit, it really depends on what works best for your family.

If you're happy to keep co-sleeping, you can continue to do so.

If it’s no longer working for your family, you can make a gradual change.

Is co-sleeping good for baby?

Generally speaking, the room-sharing method of co-sleeping can be considerably beneficial to your babe and is recommended for at least the first 6 months of your baby’s life, since it's protective against SIDS.

If you’re keen to try co-sleeping with your baby sleeping in their own bassinet in your room, or in a side-by-side sleeper that hooks onto your bed, but you’re worried about whether it’s natural, don’t fret, mama.

Think of it as the fourth trimester ‒ your baby’s just arrived into the world, they’ve spent the last 9 (ish) months constantly with you, so anything else is going to be strange (and possibly stressful) for them.

Professor McKenna, co-sleeping expert, has studied the effects of co-sleeping on both mama and baby extensively.

His co-sleeping research studies found that, while mama and baby do sleep more lightly and awake more often while sleeping in the same room, they sleep better.

That sounds counterintuitive, but if your little peanut needs feeding every 2-3 hours, you’re going to be waking up at those points regardless, so you could either schlep to another room, or take just a few steps to feed your baby.

Co-sleep will mean that baby won’t have to cry for their feed ‒ is they’re in the same room, you could more easily hear them if they stir awake, rather than them fully waking up (and waking up everyone else).

But as for longer-term effects, on your baby’s social and emotional wellbeing, whether they co-sleep or sleep alone, it seems not to make much of a difference.

Children who bed-shared or slept in the same room as their parents and those who slept in their own room basically turn out the same.

There are so many factors that contribute to your child’s wellbeing, so you do whatever feels right for you and your little peanut.

How to start co-sleeping safely

As there are a few different approaches to co-sleeping, we’ll explore how to begin a safe co-sleeping routine for each of them.

See what works best for you and your babe.

How to start room-sharing co-sleeping

Basically, room-sharing co-sleeping is the same process as if baby had their own room ‒ in their own crib (or bassinet).

The hardest part is you fitting into that sleeping routine.

Naturally, baby will be sleeping a considerable amount more than you (albeit in much shorter periods of time), and will likely go to bed earlier than you, so you may need to be extra quiet when you join them at your own bedtime.

But it will make night-time feedings a little easier ‒ you won’t have to trek to another room and completely break your own sleep cycle.

So to start room-sharing co-sleeping, you simply need to move baby’s crib into your bedroom.

Then put baby to sleep as you would normally ‒ on their back, maybe wrapped up like an adorable burrito in a swaddling cloth, at between 68-72℉ (the optimum sleep temperature for babies).

You can start room-sharing from birth, but be prepared for your little peanut to do a lot of sleeping for the first few months!

How to start bed-sharing co-sleeping

Bed-sharing requires a little more preparation, as it can be the method of co-sleeping with a higher level of risk.

You’ll want to make sure your bedding is firm and that your sheets are fitted tightly to your mattress.

Check that there are no loose pillows, blankets, or cuddly toys around baby’s head, nor any space between your bed and the wall, so baby doesn’t roll and get stuck between them.

Sleeping with babies in bed is not recommended if:

• You are a smoker
• You are drinking alcohol
• You have taken any substances that can affect your concentration or perception
• Your baby is a preemie or has a low birth weight
• You’re feeling tired (but, really, who isn't?!) and are a deep sleeper
• You’re feeling ill
• You sleep on a waterbed

And there are a few other key things to note before sharing a bed with your babe:

• It’s best for your baby not to bed-share with older children
• Swaddling baby while sharing a bed can lead to overheating
• If you have very long hair, tie it up to keep it away from baby
• Adult beds aren’t made or regulated for babies, so you'll need to do your own due diligence to ensure it’s suitable for baby. Factors include firmness, smoothness, and material. The AAP has defined firmness as “retains its shape and does not conform to an infant’s head while a soft surface becomes indented by an infant’s head.
• It's recommended to avoid foam mattresses and pillow top mattresses.
• Don’t put baby in a bed with an adult who doesn’t know they’re there ‒ if they’re already asleep, or are too tired to remember baby’s there, it’s best not to bed-share.
• It’s not recommended to bed share with an infant in between two (or more) people.
• Never leave a baby sleeping alone on an adult mattress.
• Once your baby becomes mobile, shifting to a floor bed set up is the safest option.
• Put your baby to sleep on their back and sleep in the “c-curl” position to prevent rolling for yourself and baby.

Sleeping with babies in bed is the most controversial method of co-sleeping, and is not advised by the American Academy of Pediatrics.

If you are choosing to bed share, you need to do your best to negate the possible risks and follow The Safe Sleep Seven and the recommendations of Dr. James Mckenna.

Bed sharing not an option? Try another co-sleeping approach.

How to start sidecar co-sleeping

Sidecar co-sleeping can be a happy medium between bed-sharing and room-sharing.

There are lots of options for a co-sleeper that hooks to bed, side-by-side sleepers, and a newborn bed that attaches to parents’ bed.

If you’re looking for baby beds for the side of your bed or you want to try your hand at building a co-sleeper crib, here are our top things to consider:

• Check the height of your bed, especially if it’s particularly high or low compared to ‘standard’ beds. It might be tricky to find a side-by-side sleeper that fits ‒ even the adjustable ones! You may need to purchase furniture risers to ensure the side car crib is flush with your own bed.
• Do you want a drop-down side? Getting a co-sleeper bed rail for your baby’s crib can make things a bit safer for baby.
• Is it easy to put together and take apart? If you’re traveling with baby, or you need to take your side-by-side sleeper apart to clean it (leaky diapers and spit-up can get into all the nooks and crannies), a co-sleeper that’s easy to dismantle can make all the difference.
• A good sidecar bed for your baby should have a firm mattress.
• Would you prefer a standalone crib with a drop-down side that you can put next to your bed, or a sidecar crib that hooks to your bed?
• You can set up your own side car crib with most regular cribs as long as they transition to a toddler bed and you can safely remove one side. Not sure where to start? Alicia Dyson has a free guide to safely setting up a side car crib for your baby.

Sidecar co-sleeping is a great option for newborns, and transitioning from co-sleeper to crib can be easier, especially if you have a standalone co-sleeper crib ‒ simply move the crib further away from your bed each night!

If you're using a regular crib, baby can get used to sleeping in the sleep environment and you can eventually just return the side to the crib for an easier transition.

Starting sidecar co-sleeping is just the same as room-sharing: aside from buying (or making) baby’s crib, there’s not much more prep-work to be done!

Plus, you can do your midnight (and beyond) feeds much quicker and easier!

That’s our complete guide to safe co-sleeping for you and your babe.

In the end, it’s totally up to you whether you think co-sleeping with baby benefits you and your family.

Coming to the end of your co-sleeping chapter?

We've got all you need to know about how to stop co-sleeping, too.

(You know we've always got your back, mama. 😉)

And if you want to talk to other moms about their experiences with co-sleeping, join the conversation on Peanut.

Sweet dreams! 💤