There are no two ways about it – getting in the sex mood when you’ve recently had a baby is a pretty tall order! There’s no right or wrong amount of time for returning to the bedroom post-partum, so remember not to be hard on yourself.
You’ll know when you’re ready, so here are our tried and tested tips on how to get in the mood for sex.
In this article: 📝
- Why can’t I get turned on?
- How can I get in the mood fast?
- How do you get a woman in the mood?
- Change your surroundings
- Get experimental
- Take. Your. Time.
Why can’t I get turned on?
To get yourself ‘in the mood’, first of all, you need to understand why you’re not feeling in the mood. As women, it may feel like we have the weight of the world on our shoulders, whereas men may seem like they’re always up for sex!
The reality is quite different, particularly when you’ve just had a child. Any of the following could be affecting your libido, whether you’re a man or a woman:
- A sudden release of hormones post-partum can decrease a woman’s sex drive
- General exhaustion from sleepless nights
- Stress over finances, work, and looking after a little one!
- Lack of self-esteem post-pregnancy (men can gain pregnancy weight too, you know!).
So, you see we have the perfect storm of emotions and hormones going against us. The libido can be demanding: it needs us to be relaxed, happy, and energetic. Rather than trying to combat all three, you should acknowledge that it takes time, and it’s better to get yourself in a relaxed state of mind than to put unrealistic demands on yourself.
How can I get in the mood fast?
Frankie may have said it first, but we’re saying it too – relax. Nothing kills the vibes faster than stress, so bring down your heart rate before you go mainlining that cortisol.
Try running yourself a hot bath or curling up with a good book – or maybe even both. (A bath shelf can work wonders if you feel like kicking back with an herbal tea!) Try running the bath when you’re giving the little one his last feed before bed and are sure he’s soon to drop off.
How to get in the mood for sex during this alone time
When you’re feeling relaxed, now is the time to let your mind wander. But how can I stimulate my mind sexually when all I can think about is the nighttime feed?
Simple: use your imagination. Try taking an erotic novel into the bath or bed with you. Take a deep breath, close your eyes, and picture yourself as the protagonist. If you’re really into it, you may not even notice your hand heading straight for the pleasure zone.
How do you get a woman in the mood?
Once you’re comfortable in yourself, it’s time to get your husband into the mix. While masturbation is a great way to let off steam and reacquaint yourself with your sexual being, this is also about the two of you.
So, invite him along for the fun. This isn’t so much about “how to get in the mood for my husband”, but how you can stimulate each other. And a lot of it is about intimacy outside of the sheets.
Change your surroundings
Being stuck in the same house playing Mom and Dad can lead to the feeling of ‘same old, same old.’ So, mix it up. If you’re fortunate enough to have a babysitter, organize a date night and build up the intensity by texting each other with ideas of what you’re planning for ‘dessert.’
Has your bedroom turned into the nursery? Who says you have to stay in there? You can dial up the sex mood by being naughty and getting it on somewhere else in the house. Try touching each other at moments when you least expect it – a gentle kiss on the neck while he’s chopping vegetables, a little whisper…there’s nothing like building anticipation.
Childbirth, tears, diapers – there’s not much that the two of you won’t have seen of each other. So why not try talking about your deepest, darkest fantasies? A roleplay gives you the chance to shake off that ‘parent’ feel and be somebody else for the evening – while still connecting with your partner.
You can also try a few games to get you in the sex mood. For example, love dice featuring verbs such as ‘kiss’ and ‘suck’ with dice naming body parts can really make things interesting. Why not get experimental with vibrators, lube, or a little blindfold play? Don’t feel bad if you burst out laughing while you’re playing – it’s all about having a good time, connecting with each other, and finding out what feels good.
Take. Your. Time.
Above all, the best way you can get yourself in the mood for sex is to be patient. As new parents, life is going to get in the way a whole lot more than it did before. You may struggle to find that ‘perfect’ time to relax and unwind.
Stop chasing perfection and start chasing reality instead. You might not always have candles and shaved legs, and the baby may wake up – but that’s part of life. If babies meant the end of sex lives for all couples, then nobody would have any siblings.
What’s most important is that you respect each other’s boundaries and take the time to get on the same level. You might just prefer some ‘alone time’ and that’s perfectly fine – but be honest and the good vibes will flow.