How to Get Over a Friendship Breakup (Without Hating Them or Yourself)

There’s no heartbreak quite like a best friend break up. One minute you’re sending each other unhinged memes at midnight, the next you’re ghosted on WhatsApp and avoiding their face in your camera roll. No one tells you how much it’ll hurt — or how disorienting it is to grieve someone who’s still very much alive.

But if you’re here, you’re probably already deep in the post-friendship spiral. Welcome. This guide is for you: the ones who’ve cried in the shower over a lost connection, sent the “I miss us” text, or scrolled friendship breakup quotes like it’s a playlist for pain. Let’s talk about what happened, why it hurts so much, and how to actually move through it without pretending you’re fine when you’re very much not. 💔

In this article: 📝

Is it normal to have a friendship breakup?

Short answer: Yes. And it happens way more often than we talk about.

Even from our teenage years, we experience the sadness and, sometimes, relief, that comes with a friendship breakdown. [1]

But we tend to lack the scripts, rituals, and language to deal with these endings. With romantic breakups, there’s closure. With friend breakups? Radio silence and mutual unfollowing.

In fact, one study showed that there are two different types of friendship breakup: active and passive dissolution — with active dissolution, there’s a conscious effort to end the friendship, and with passive dissolution, there’s a slower fade, with ghosting, and gradual growing apart. [2]

Your friendships change as your life changes — career shifts, babies, mental health, therapy, trauma, moving cities, different priorities. Sometimes you grow in different directions. Sometimes one of you stops trying. Sometimes it just… ends. And that’s valid. Messy. But valid. [3,4]

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How do you know when a friendship is over?

There’s no universal sign, but here’s the truth: if you’re constantly asking yourself “Is this still worth it?” — that’s a sign in itself.

Some common red flags that it might be time to go:

• You feel drained after hanging out (instead of safe or energized)
• You’re the only one reaching out or initiating plans
• Your boundaries are consistently ignored
• You’ve outgrown shared values or interests
• There’s subtle (or not-so-subtle) competition, judgment, or resentment
• It feels like walking on eggshells, not connection

Sometimes, there’s no drama. No big betrayal. Just a slow fade or a quiet incompatibility. And that can be even harder to grieve because there’s nothing “obvious” to point to.

Why do friendship breakups hurt more?

Friendships — especially the ride-or-die, talk-every-day, know-their-coffee-order kind — become part of your identity. You picture them at your wedding. You’ve processed breakups with them. You’ve had shared language, shared dreams, shared fries.

So when that ends? It’s grief. Deep, complicated, often invisible grief.

And it makes sense — a 2017 study published showed that friendships become more important as we get older. The researchers even found that the ambiguity of most friendship endings — the lack of clarity or finality — can make it harder to process than a romantic split. [5]

Can a friendship breakup be traumatic?

Absolutely. Especially if it involved betrayal, gaslighting, emotional neglect, or codependency.

And there can even be health consequences to friendship breakups — even lower levels of well-being and chronic illness later in life, according to one recent study. [2]

If you’re spiraling, questioning your worth, or replaying every convo for red flags: it’s not you being dramatic. It’s your brain trying to make sense of a real emotional wound.

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How long does a friendship breakup last?

Healing isn’t linear, and there’s no magic number. But if you’re wondering “how long does it take to get over a friendship breakup?” — it can take months (sometimes years) depending on the depth of the friendship, the abruptness of the ending, and your support system.

Unlike romantic relationships, friendship losses rarely come with closure chats. So it can drag on in the back of your mind like a tab you forgot to close.

The best thing you can do? Grieve it properly. Suppressing the sadness only makes it louder.

How to cope with friendship break up

Let’s get into the part that actually helps. If you’re grieving a friendship breakup, here’s how to stop obsessing over a lost friendship — and maybe even feel like yourself again:

1. Let yourself grieve (no, really)

This is grief. You’re allowed to mourn. Cry. Write angry letters you’ll never send. Screenshot the texts for your therapist. Rewatch that show you always watched together with snacks and a blanket and no guilt.

2. Resist the urge to hate them

It’s tempting to villainize your ex-bestie to make the pain feel more “valid.” But unless they were truly toxic, try to accept that you both did your best with what you had. That doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt. It just means you can heal without becoming bitter.

3. Don’t isolate yourself

Losing one friend can make everything feel unstable, but don’t ghost everyone else in your life. Lean into your other relationships — even if they don’t feel as deep. New ones can surprise you.

This is where Peanut can be a game-changer. It’s built to help women find like-minded friends who get it — whether you’re single, parenting, child-free, or figuring it out in real time. You can chat, meet up IRL, and connect with women in a similar lifestage who want real connection.

4. Create a breakup ritual

It sounds weird, but hear me out: create a tiny ritual to mark the end. Burn a candle. Delete the chat thread. Archive your fave photos. Unfollow or mute. Do something physical that signals: this chapter is closed.

5. Reclaim your identity

When someone knows everything about you, it can feel like you’ve lost a part of yourself when they go. Start doing things solo that make you feel like you again. Join a club. Take a solo trip. Wear something you love. Reclaim the pieces they never gave you. Find new friends that have the same interests, are in the same life stage, or are nearby (you can find your new BFF on Peanut!)

Friendship breakup quotes you’ll actually relate to

Because sometimes, someone else can put it so much better than us in the moment — some of these are lyrics, because friendship breakups really do happen to everyone, and, naturally, the pain gets turned to art:

• “It’s weird when you realize the person who used to know everything about you now knows nothing.” — Unknown
  
• “I didn’t think it’d hurt this much when best friends break up.” — Lauren Spencer-Smith, in the song Best Friend Breakup
  
• “It hurt because it mattered.” — John Green
  
• “It’s sad when someone you know becomes someone you knew.” — Henry Rollins
  
• “Could’ve used a friend in the moment but you had to go ghost, leave me lonely.” — JoJo and Remy Ma, in the song FAB.
  
• “Respect yourself enough to walk away from anything that no longer serves you, grows you, or makes you happy.” — Robert Tew
  
• “Friendship breakups hurt more because there’s no title to grieve, no closure, and no rules.” — Unknown
  
• “It’s true: lives do drift apart for no obvious reason. We’re all busy people, we can’t spend our time simply trying to stay in touch. The test of a friendship is if it can weather these inevitable gaps.” — William Boyd
  
• “We used to be close, but people can go / From people you know to people you don’t…” — Selena Gomez, in the song People You Know
  
• “There is an ocean of silence between us… and I am drowning in it.” — Ranata Suzuki
  
• “Sometimes the person you’d take a bullet for ends up being the one behind the gun.” — Tupac (brutal, but accurate)
  
• “When you see your friends change, don’t be sad. Realize the people who stayed with you are the ones who truly matter.” — Unknown
  
• “It’s better to walk away than to run with fake friends / No use for excuses so bad things come to an end…” — Sigrid, in the song Fake Friends
  
• “Losing a friend is one of the saddest things in the world.” — Sara Shepard
  
• “It’s better to be alone than to be in bad company.” — George Washington
  
• “Oh, it’s so sad to think about the good times, you and I…” — Taylor Swift, in the song Bad Blood (you know we had to include this one, it’s like the friendship breakup anthem)

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When to end a friendship

Sometimes, you don’t wait for the friendship to fall apart — you choose to walk away.

And that’s powerful.

Signs it’s time to move on:

• They don’t celebrate your wins
• They make you feel small or ashamed
• You don’t look forward to spending time with them
• They don’t take accountability
• You feel like you can’t be honest
• They push your boundaries
• They don’t respect you (or you them)
• It’s all take, no give

You’re allowed to leave. Even if there was no huge drama. Even if you love them. Even if they were “like a sister.”

You’re allowed to miss them and still move on

Getting over a friendship breakup is hard. There’s no manual. No breakup songs that fully capture it. No mutual friends dropping off care packages. But it’s still a loss. And you still deserve to heal.

So take the time. Be gentle with yourself. Mourn what could’ve been, then, on your own timeline, start building what comes next.

And when you’re ready to let someone new in? Your people are out there. They might be waiting on Peanut. ❤️