How to Spice Things Up in the Bedroom

Keen to know how to spice things up in the bedroom?

Long-term relationships often see couples looking for new ways to spice up their sex life.

The pressures of modern life can make us tired and anxious —then throw a new baby into the mix, and you’ll wonder how you’ll ever have time!

To rekindle that spark, here are our tried and tested tips for new parents on how to spice things up in the bedroom.

In this article: 📝

1. Be honest and talk to each other

According to Psychology Today, communication is one of the biggest problems couples have in the bedroom.

By this point in your relationship, you’ll have seen one another at your most vulnerable—whether that’s giving birth or bursting into tears from sheer exhaustion.

You will never be able to spice up your sex life if you can’t tell each other how you feel.

So start by saying what’s going through your mind—you might be too tired to try again right now, but you’re going to make the effort for one another.

Of course, you can also use these pillow talk sessions to discuss your naughtiest fantasies or sultry sexual dreams.

You may even discover a new side to each other!

2. Try a little roleplay

Speaking of finding a new side to one another, what about being somebody else entirely?

New parents can struggle with the feeling of ‘lost identity’, so a fantasy is a great way to ease into some fun sex ideas.

As a woman, you may be feeling that your confidence is at an all-time low, so discuss your mutual fantasies and see how you can incorporate these costumes and characters into the bedroom.

3. Intimacy doesn’t always mean sex

Physical intimacy isn’t the only way to spice up the bedroom.

One of the sexiest things you can do is to leave it to the imagination.

This could be something as simple as leaving your clothes on and having a more intimate hug or kiss before the baby wakes up.

Alternatively, you could tease one another in bed with skin-on-skin contact—but no sex.

Anticipation is half the fun, so work yourselves up until a frenzy and the reward will be all the better!

4. Make time for sex

We all wish we could have spontaneous sex like we did in our carefree days, but the simple fact is that life gets in the way.

It might not feel romantic, but setting aside a little ‘personal time’ might be just the spice your love life is looking for.

Of course, this doesn’t mean you have to keep it in the bedroom.

In fact, you don’t even need to keep it in the home!

For some couples, even a change of scenery from the bed to the couch is a whole lot of fun.

If you’re lucky enough to have access to babysitters, try to book some time away.

Hotel sex has been cited as many couples’ favorite lovemaking scenarios—letting them act out their fantasies without fear of being heard.

5. Practice self-care

Confidence is a crucial part of getting your bedroom antics back, but postpartum recovery can give any woman a knock.

One of the first things you can do to spark that sexual intimacy is giving yourself plenty of self-love.

Exploring your new body, taking care of your health, and bringing in more mindful movement (like yoga) are all great ways to feel sexually empowered again.

And close the orgasm gap…

6. Take control

Want to take back control of your love life? Take a spin in the driver's seat.

You might not be feeling super confident, but try and look at it from your partner’s perspective—they've seen you in ‘mommy mode’ for months and likely haven’t seen that lace in a while.

This is your chance to be super sexy, so dust off that old lingerie you’ve been hiding.

Or invest in some brand-new pieces that honor your new shape.

You could even dial up the dominant/submissive by slipping them into a blindfold and giving them the big lingerie reveal.

Trust us—the look on their face will be all the confidence you need.

7. Go deep

In every sense, mama. 😏

As we said, confidence and connection are big parts of achieving a compatible sex drive.

And it’s not always the woman who shoulders insecurity and lackluster desire.

It could well be the case that your partner is also struggling with their sexual confidence.

Parenting stress, fatigue, and even health issues can wreak havoc on any sex drive, so make space for a slower pace.

Whether it’s scheduling, sexting, or checking in on each other’s physical and emotional well-being, communication is sexy.

8. Tap into each other’s brand of pleasure

Sex after children is a hugely intimate experience, and it’s something that should be enjoyed equally.

There’s no one-size-fits-all when it comes to pleasure.

While men love visual stimuli, women also have wild imaginations, so encourage your partner to build up the experience slowly.

Perhaps a few texts while you’re apart to tease you into what’s going to happen later on this evening.

Maybe a subtle nod to how you make them feel—and how they wish they were with you right now so they could act on their fantasies.

If you’re not quite ready for penetrative sex yet, there are so many other ways they can pleasure you.

Contrary to women’s insecurities, heterosexual men tend to be huge fans of giving oral sex—so lie back and let him enjoy the ride.

9. Stop comparing yourselves to other people

We all have different sexual wants and needs, whether that’s sex positions, clothing, sex toys, or roleplay.

How much sex you’re getting—or how much you want—will vary massively depending on your circumstances.

Don’t feel bad if other people (especially those without kids!) are getting more than you.

What’s more important is that you and your partner are close and comfortable, fulfilling each other in every way you can.

Your priorities may have changed now, but there are still so many ways that you can be intimate with each other.

And if you do want to try something new, you could always try these out behind closed doors:

• Mutual masturbation
• Vibrators (one of our Peanut community's favorite vibrators is the KURVE by Hot Octopuss. Trust us, you'll want to give it a go!)
• Lubricant
• Handcuffs
• Spanking
• Costumes
• Roleplay
• Phone sex
  As above, remember to have conversations about all of these before you go reaching for your credit card.
  Set boundaries, express consent, and don’t take yourselves too seriously.

Sex is meant to be fun, you know.

Speak your mind with other mamas on Peanut

It’s one of the trickiest subjects to broach, which is why it’s often best to chat amongst friends!

Whatever you’re feeling, there’s no subject that’s too taboo for women on Peanut.