It’s about time we talked about the elephant in the room: why do we expect so little from dads when it comes to parenting?
Well, we decided to share our thoughts on the matter in an IG post that’s ruffling some feathers.
A man simply being a father is nothing to praise him for.
He washes bottles? Cool, he’s supposed to.
He changes diapers? Great, that’s what he signed up for.
He keeps the baby while the mother is busy? Awesome. That’s his job.
The bar is set so low for men yet so unbelievably high for women.
A woman isn’t “lucky” to have a man who nurtures his own child.
You don’t reward a fish for swimming.
Let’s eradicate this archaic notion that caring for children is just the woman’s job.
Yeah, we said it.
And we stand by it.
But, because we’re perpetual scrollers, you know we headed straight to the juicy comments section.
And, let’s be honest, who doesn’t love a bit of drama?
So here are a few of our favorite responses, from real moms who get it.
In this article: 📝
- “It’s not about saying Dads shouldn’t be acknowledged…”
- “Let’s raise the bar.”
- “Appreciation? Sure. Praise? No.”
- “He is doing his share.”
- “Women have been doing this for years.”
- “Mom standards are hard AF.”
- “People ask if my husband is ‘babysitting’”
- “I’ve stopped thanking him like it’s a favor”
- “It’s not helping out when it’s your child.”
- “YES TO ALL THIS.”
- And for the sake of balance…
“It’s not about saying Dads shouldn’t be acknowledged…”
“A lot of people have misinterpreted the point of this post and are actually kind of proving its point in response.
It’s not about saying Dads shouldn’t be acknowledged, of course they should, but it’s about the perception that when a Dad performs a task that is deemed ‘domestic’ he is showered with praise and elevated to ‘a good dad’ but the same is untrue of when a Mom does those tasks as it is expected of them and their ‘job’.
By all means, express your gratitude to your partners, we all should, but know the larger issue is still how society perceives mothers and how they judge them.”
“Let’s raise the bar.”
“Wow, I feel some people are truly missing the point of this.
Next time you see a post about how good a Dad he is because he took the kids out so Mum could rest, or made the dinner, or cuddles his kids to sleep, etc, etc, just switch it out to Mum and see how that flips it on its head.
It rarely happens, the amounts most Mums do every day is EXPECTED and never praiseworthy.
Anything less than expected means that her head is on the chopping block because she’s a ‘bad Mum’, whereas anything above the bare minimum for Dad seems to need to have an accompanying fanfare, celebratory Facebook post, and women gushing over what a good Dad he is.
The dual standards must stop!
Let’s raise the bar.”
“Appreciation? Sure. Praise? No.”
Being a “mother” is expected but fathers doing parental things is cause for praise??
“He is doing his share.”
“I’m also not a big fan of people saying my husband helps me a lot.
Nope, he is doing his share. 🙄”
“Women have been doing this for years.”
“Why are people getting defensive here and completely missing the point?
The post is simply saying that men are put on a pedestal for doing basic grown-up responsibilities like house chores and being a great, present father that doesn’t let the wife be the default parent, while these things are expected of women and not seen as such a big deal.
This is totally different from appreciating your partner for being a phenomenal person, partner, dad, etc.
This is simply saying, men doing their share of house chores and being phenomenal fathers, shouldn’t be treated like the next wonder of the world.
Women have been doing this for years.
Where are their brownie points?”
“Mom standards are hard AF.”
“Yes to this! 🙌🙌🙌
I have to now start traveling for work and my family has asked me who is going to help my husband with my son when I am traveling.
But yet no one asks me if I need help when he is deployed for months at a time.
Mom standards are hard AF.”
“People ask if my husband is ‘babysitting’”
“I’ve commented this before, but I absolutely HATE it when I’m out and people ask if my husband is ‘babysitting’.
NO he’s child-rearing, he’s raising his children.
He’s doing exactly what I do.
No one has even asked a mother whether she is babysitting her children.”
“Facts, facts, and facts!!
You don’t get NO COOKIE FOR DOING THE BASICS!”
“I’ve stopped thanking him like it’s a favor”
“I can relate.
I have had to make a conscious decision to not say thank you for the smallest of things, changing nappy, doing the dishwasher.
I appreciate him in other ways but I’ve stopped thanking him like it’s a favor, it’s not, it’s teamwork, and he doesn’t casually thank me for everything I do.”
“It’s not helping out when it’s your child.”
“It’s not “helping out” when it’s your child.
It’s your responsibility.
“YES TO ALL THIS.”
“YES TO ALL THIS.
To the people taking offense ‒ no one is saying you can’t appreciate your partners.
But maybe this post isn’t about you and that Great Guy who “helps” you with the kids?
Maybe it’s about the fact the bar for men is 20,000 leagues below sea level, which means that men parenting their own children are treated like astronauts returning from space.
As the post says, women aren’t LUCKY to have partners who treat them with respect.
That should be the bare minimum ‒ but the fact it’s still seen as something worth throwing a parade for indicates that such things are not considered men’s natural responsibility, and so those who do them anyway need to be acknowledged publicly as heroes.
WANT MORE FOR YOURSELVES THAN THIS BASIC S#$T.”
‒ clementine_ford (Yep, that Clementine Ford!)
And for the sake of balance…
A few of our favorites from people who definitely don’t agree.
- “A man isn’t as nurturing as women are, it’s not something that comes naturally to them.” 🤦♀️
- “Not a fan of this at all. Man hating at its best.” 🤔
- “This sort of thinking is toxic to marriage.” 🤨
- “I love seeing these kinds of posts, to see how self-centered you feminists are and so full of stupid thoughts.”
- “When you have a PEANUT size brain you started to post this kind of trash.” 🥜
What do you think?
Do you think dads should get praised for doing tasks that are perhaps traditionally placed on moms’ shoulders?
Or do you think it should be the expected norm?
Or are you one of the “lucky” ones?
Join the conversation on Peanut: