To find it gross a 40 year old woman would sleep with a 20 year old man

I’ve been talking to a guy and he’s 31. We were talking about age gaps. He mentioned how he slept with a 40 year old woman when he was 20. I feel like this 40 year old woman should have known better. It’s a 20 year age gap.

It’s like me being 30 right now and waiting for a 10 year old boy to turn 20 when I’m 40

I’m 30 and I don’t even look at men below 26 years of age.

Did she just sleep with him because she wanted a very young guy at the time?

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It sounds a bit predatory 🤢

It’s similar to how old men want really young women lol.

This guy also told me how he was young and silly at the time. At 20 guys are still developing and full of testosterone so that could be another reason she approached him lol

I also see it as grooming/predatory.

There are men who date those at the school gates. 16/17 year old girls with 30 year old men and that’s wrong. I don’t see why it wouldn’t be the same for the opposite genders.

If my son told me he was approached by a woman/man double his age, too right I’d be asking to meet this weirdo to ask them f2f what they think they have in common with my child.

I’m 33 and the thought of dating a 18 year old BOY repulses me. Kid doesn’t even remember dial up internet, what do we have in common? Literally in nappies whilst I was in high school, no shared life experiences, can’t even drink in some countries.

I think beyond 25years is fair game for whatever age gap they’d like. Anything under that feels predatory if it’s more than 10 years.

My husband was married to a 26 yr old at 18. Everyone showed up to this wedding and everything. She had a 9 yr old at the time. So he was 18 going to school, playing stepdad/husband afterschool. I called her a pedo when I met her in person. Because that’s absolutely crazy it’s 🤢 disgusting

They were both consenting adults so nothing wrong with it.

Mmmm tbh if that’s his past leave it there it’s his to explore and dissect

There’s a huge double standard for men & women about this (& it’s almost a double helix 🧬 type of double standard if that makes sense) one of my exes told me his first was the neighbour who was older than his mom (she was a teen mom but regardless that’s just 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫— plus he was 15 & apparently it went on for a while like he considers it a relationship—- if the roles were reversed I think he would have a muuuuuch harder time convincing himself that this wasn’t a pedo/molestation/abuse situation — she was almost 40 apparently 😿

Female pedos are given a slap on the wrist comparatively & simultaneously completely healthy adult relationships where the woman is older & judged so harshly

They were both consenting adults. Nothing wrong with it.

Your scenario of WAITING for a child to age up to have sex with is most definitely wrong and disgusting.

If that was the case here, then I would agree with you, but it doesn't sound like it is. If they just met at those ages, then it's completely fine.

@Shimaya How was she a paedo? He was an adult. Paedophilia is the attraction to children who haven't gone through puberty.

Now, I'm not saying I'd personally get married to an 18yr old, either at 26 or now, but they would still be an adult.

@Sarah How is it grooming to have sex with someone you recently met?

18 year olds are adults. An 18 year old male is a man, not a boy.

I'm 35 (almost), I don't remember dial up internet, we never had it in my house growing up.

I wouldn't get with an 18 year old either, but they're still adults with the capacity to enter consensual romantic/sexual relationships with other adults.

to address your last question: how would any of us know why she slept with him? lol & how do we know SHE approached HIM? did he specifically tell you that?

also, being an adult & waiting for a child to become an adult so that you can sleep with them is definitely weird & creepy, but is that what happened in their case? do we know facts or are we making assumptions?

When i was 18, i was talking to a guy about 30. We are still friends to this day. Both of us are in different relationships now (both of our partners are closer to our current age). He was not interested because i was so young, yet the age gap was definitely one that many people would frown upon.

I don't think a large age gap necessarily means anything negative. I knew this guy since i was about 15/16. Nothing predatory happened, and he's not been with anyone younger than I was.

Just because some things SEEM wrong, does not mean it IS wrong. Could she have been a predator? Perhaps! But the limited information prevents us from having any real insight. He also mentioned SLEEPING with an older woman... not dating. Could have easily been a drunken hookup as well! Both obviously adults, being at a bar... one thing leads to another on a drunken night.... now he can tell you that he slept with a 40yo when he was younger.

I don’t find it gross and they are both over the age of consent. Also if it was the other way round would it be the same reaction?
In terms of long term I don’t think a 40 year old should have a relationship with a 20 year old as they want different things in life.i knew a young guy that was dating someone in her late 40s although he was a very old spirit and didn’t have much going for him. It was a surprise but it wasn’t gross. My second cousin married her driving instructor…now that always felt a bit gross and wrong but they are still together 30 years later.

@Saz (Sarah) by law 18 is considered an adult. Your saying a 20 year old man sleeping with a 40 year old woman is fine as they are both adults.

What if it was an 18 year old sleeping with a 60 year old? I mean legally they are both adults and haven’t broken the law but you see how bad it looks.

Age is just a number when it's past 20 to me. If it's consented, I don't see any problem with it. Even if it was the other way around, a 20-year-old woman with a 40-year-old man. 🤷🏻‍♀️ If there's proof of grooming from before the age, then that's wrong. But we don't know that for sure in this case.

My husband is 20 years older than me, we met when I was 25 but I never found it gross. If he met me when I was 15 then yes, it would be gross, but since everyone is a consenting adult it's fine

My answer doesn't change based on that new age difference. Again, seeing an 18 year old is not something I'd do personally, but still completely up to them as consenting adults.

My sister dated a 38 year old man when she was 23. They broke up when he proposed to her because she wasn't ready to settle down & he already had a child from a previous relationship, so he wanted a sibling for his little girl but my sister wasn't ready for that yet. At the end of the day, though, 18 & over is an adult & as long as it is consensual, there is nothing wrong with an age gap, no matter how big. Look at all the celebrity relationships that have massive age gaps. Are they wrong?

I personally see it as weird but when I was 21 I was in a committed relationship with a 40-year-old. I left in the end as I originally thought he was 30 and I ended up finding it weird.

@Shannon did he not tell you at the start he’s 40?

@Saz (Sarah) he was a literally child in school still.
She’s a pedo. She introduce kids to drugs, groom them then marry them when they turn 18. She’s a disgusting individual.

Can we get details because the scenario you gave is totally different than two consenting adults. Was it a one time thing? Was it a relationship? Did they meet when he was younger or did they meet out at a bar?

@Veronique he said it was a one time sex so like a one night stand or hookup. I mean I don’t know if they met again after but it was just a casual thing. He didn’t tell me how they met. I met him online myself so who knows how he met her back then.

@Shimaya I'm guessing you're American. Where I live, 18 year olds are adults and are no longer in school. Even if they were in school, that wouldn't make anyone a paedophile for having a relationship with them.

Again, a paedophile is someone who is sexually attracted to children who have not yet gone through puberty. I'm pretty sure 99.9% of 18 year olds have passed that stage.

If someone grooms a child for a future relationship, then that's obviously completely different.

@Saz (Sarah) he was 17 at the beginning of that relationship probably younger when they met.
Married him a week after his 18th birthday. When he got off the drug she put him on he came to his senses and divorced her. With the help of his mom. Because mentally 18 isn’t a adult. legally, yes. if you have to say legally I’m able to date/have sex with you 🤢🤮🤮🤮
clearly you know if morally wrong

Well it sounds like a toxic relationship regardless of the age. But you're applying your anecdotal information to every relationship with a similar age gap, and they're not all going to be like that.

Where I live, they would actually be legal from 16. I know the US typically have age range laws (Romeo & Juliet) but that's not the case here. A 16 year old and a 60 yr old could be in a completely legal relationship, no matter how gross that may be.

Again, I personally wouldn't be getting with any 18 year olds. I'm 35 (almost) and my daughter is 20, so the idea is just weird to me.

But people really need to stop calling someone a paedo when they're in a relationship with adults. It's completely overused in an incorrect way and it just bugs me.

@Saz (Sarah) pick the term that fits. Because in my book they are all grouped as one. I’m not gonna call her the right term because she lacks an education and wouldn’t understand. She knows what a pedo is. She took the insult and started dating actual adults. No more high schoolers…Who she can legally sleep with

@Saz (Sarah) its way more incidents that help form my opinion about those type of age gap couples.

My husband and I are gaped lol 5 yrs.

I’m 30 and I made a promise I won’t date a man more than 6 years older than me let alone 20 years 😂🤮.

As a 30 year old woman, for me I’d go 27-36 for a man. So I’d go 3 years down and 6 years up. I could even date a man 4 years younger than me if I wanted

@Shimaya 5 years hardly qualifies as an age gap.

@Saz (Sarah) lol you’re so silly

By law 18 is legal to sleep with whatever age they wish.

But morally it looks bad if they slept with a man or woman 30+

At 18 they are considered adults but some of them can be taken advantage off easily

When I was 17, I was taken advantage off. I know this wouldn’t have happened at age 30 (now). I was young and made silly decisions

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