Mother In Law venting/advice

Me and my husband have not spoken to his step-mom who is for all intents and purposes my MIL (his mom passed away a long time ago) for over a year now and I feel like closure is needed. She did some really nasty things to try and hurt my family and since then has lied to multiple family members and friends to try and appear as the “victim” in the situation. Although contact is cut with her and most of my husband’s family, I am pretty certain there is still some idea of reconciliation in their minds and it simply isn’t on the table for us anymore. We aren’t angry but we are firmly decided on this. I want to communicate this to them to get closure and so they aren’t having false hope for a future with their grandkids but how should I do it?

We live abroad and I am concerned that they are already saying in coming over and expecting to stay with us 1-2 weeks now and then. My MIL loves me but the feeling is not reciprocated unfortunately. The two times they stayed over they do not cook, we go out and most of times is my hubby paying for meals and then they occupy the sofa watching their own things in a different language as they don’t speak English. My husband is very generous and never imposed himself and he likes to have the parents around and he stays with mine much more than I stay with them. However I get so anxious just to think they would be around. They are homophobic and very conservative and I am not sure what I can do as it is not fair for my husband if I don’t want them around. I feel they are very selfish as we spent a lot when they are around (they don’t give anything back) and I think they abuse a little bit of my husband generosity.

So my husband, baby and I moved back to FL due to my husband getting out of the military. We currently live with his parents while he’s getting his pilots license (he graduates later this year) and then starting another school to learn how to fix airplanes in the new year (probs January 2026) anywho here’s my question…..he works as a truck driver and makes just enough to pay for his flying lessons and our monthly expenses, baby related and phone bills, gas, etc.. His parents want us to cover the light bill, it’s $600. Outrageous number I know, we keep telling them they need to have TECO come check it out because there’s no way it should be that high at all. They refuse to call and are requiring us to pay whatever the electric bill is monthly. Oh did I mention he’s got two other brothers (21&23) who aren’t required to pay any bills at all also living on the property. Oh and we also supply groceries for the week which they eat through it before I can even get to it. I know we need to move out and hopefully we’re able to do that in January but is that not messed up??

My husband has been trying to cut the umbilical cord from his mom, he feels like he has to make her proud to feel better about himself and he’s trying to stop. He’s decided to go no contact, that was 8 months ago. He told his parents he needed space and they live 2 states away so we don’t see them much anyways. He also told them that I felt wronged by them so now they probably think his needing space is my fault. She doesn’t agree with the way we split up chores, she does everything for her husband to the point where she has severe health problems now. Like raising the kids, doing all the house chores while her kids play video games, and she wears it like a badge of honor. Her husband gets to throw fits and she just walks on egg shells around him until he stops or she appeases him. (Another reason we went no contact, my children are scared of his dad because they never know when he’s going to lose his temper.) She’s very non confrontational and is very kind but still very judgmental. I hold my husband accountable and we confront each other and she does not agree with that, a woman must just make her man happy and that’s her only job. She texted me out of the blue and wants to set up a phone call to talk about our relationship (mine and hers) and not as my husbands parents, just as regular people. We haven’t spoken in 4 months, she called me out of the blue then too. What do I do??

So my MIL and FIL never ever have our child ever today they asked to have her for the first time in around 4 months we agreed they could take her for a couple hours when they left they text us to tell us she’d had a few loose poops I told them that she was fine this morning but they can bring her back if they like (she is fed through a peg so we are more catious) they told us no it’s okay, we had agreed for them to bring her back at 5 as that’s when her peg feed is and they are not trained in it (they where offered the training but declined) … they than failed to answer there phones and brought her home at 6:45!! When getting her ready I thought I could smell Calpol but thought I was imagining it I got her dressed and her dad went to put her on her feed and said to me “she smells like Calpol” I told him I had thought the same thing! He asked his parents and they said they gave her some because they thought her belly might be hurting, he asked why they didn’t tell us and they said “well we didn’t think we had to ask and we didn’t feel the need to tell you because why would you need to give her anymore in the next few hours anyway”

I am actually quite upset because even though it’s unlikely she would what if she had a temp in the next couple hours? Or I thought she was in pain? If we hadn’t smelt it and asked them we would have given another dose of Calpol!

They don’t believe they have done anythign wrong but I do! They should have atleast told me right?