I am struggling with a lot right now and I am in need of some advice.
My son was an 11-year journey and he is 1 year and a half now. I think a big part of my issue might be figuring out the new version of myself.
It seems to correlate with trying to let go of control, routine and how to let go of fears like losing him somehow, or not becoming my mother.
Last year, I had martial problems (working through them), we lost family (both through death and disconnection), my house is falling apart, I have financial issues right now though my husband and I are both struggling to go back to work, as we both don’t want to miss anything after such a long wait. We are both believers in a creator, and we are both trying to find ourselves as parents and how we fit in this creation. I am feeling like an absolute failure because I know I can go back to work and fix the house but I didn’t have a present mum and I’m scared my son will feel abandoned if I leave, like I did as a child. I’m struggling to find purpose in my day and this is affecting my ability to be present with my son anyway. My husband has mental health and this has been a big issue lately with ongoing conflict with his own mother so I am finding myself trying to do all the housework but then feeling overwhelmed and guilty that I am not spending time with my son. I try and wait for him to sleep but by then, I am completely exhausted. I’m struggling to find time to eat. If I make food I feel like I am leaving my son even more but if he is in the kitchen with me, he wants me to hold him and it makes it extremely hard to make food. By the time I’ve sorted his food out, I’m completely drained or eager to get back to my son. I’m completely overwhelmed, lost, and confused with how to move forward. I’ve tried schedules, goal management, applying for financial support, talking to family, going with the flow, meditation, journaling, walks in nature (though hard to do in the winter) and god knows what else. At this point everything is confusing and chaos and I don’t know how to move forward and find balance. Any help, advice, tips, suggestions etc, would be incredibly appreciated.
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