Step Mamas 🇺🇸

My step son just told me and his dad that he doesn’t like me because I “give him the ick” and I think I’m in charge of everything.

I literally have like one rule. No screen time until you do your chores and other than that I keep it pretty limited BECAUSE of the conflict and the reinforcement to talk bad about me with his mom.

I just don’t know how to move forward. I hate how the disfunction affects my own kids. I’m struggling hard in the step-mom-verse today.

Been married for 7 years . Together got 12 years . Both my husbands moms and dads side are more financially stable than my side. His mom’s side has blatantly said how all assets should go to my stepdaughter and whatever she doesn’t want should go to my daughter (same dad). My husband is the only child on his moms side no cousins from both mom and dads side . Both his parents (divorced) and grandparents (both sides) have paid off homes in wealthy areas . For whatever reason they think all assets should only ever be given to the first born child /grandchild . That blows my mind considering they have plenty to go around . While I understand that it’s not my place to “expect” them to help my daughter it rubs me the wrong way how they directly want to give so much to my sd and then they turn around and tell my daughter “well looks like you have to get a good job for your future”. Part of that is because they feel bad that sd has TWO homes but I should also mention that bm also comes from a financially secure family so sd is “set”. She doesn’t wanna go to college because she knows a home will be purchased or given to her . In the same way bm doesn’t “need” to work or go to college because things were simply given . My next gripe to this is that I receive comments saying how I married my husband knowing he has a child so therefore I should be financially responsible for providing equally among both kids . While I don’t have an issue with being fair I don’t think it’s right when I only have what I have based on my career (no generational wealth). It rubs me the wrong way if they have all this disposable income and yet they won’t treat the kids fairly ? But suddenly everything I work for should be equal ? Am I crazy ?? I’m not a gold digger if they want fair fine but I dont think it’s right that they mandate splitting what I have to further contribute to everything my sd is set to have which in turn will take away from my daughter .

My husband adopted a boy a year ago. Then we got married and had a baby. I feel like the worst person in the world, and maybe I am. But last night my husband and I had a conversation that neither of us ever saw coming. About dissolving the adoption. It’s a hard and lengthy process. But we feel it may be necessary. He has issues that I am not equipped to deal with, not with my 2 yea role and newborn also depending on me. When I met my husband it was never intended for me to be the one fully raising him. But he got kicked out of daycare for his aggressive behavior, sending a child to the hospital. Since he has been incredibly aggressive toward both my children. He punched my newborn in the face, since I have had to completely distance them. He hits my daughter constantly. It was so bad yesterday that she cried to me and said she wanted to leave and go to her dad’s house. I’ll be frank. My husband is unfit to care for this child. And I do believe he’d be better off with someone else. My husband had told him he hates him and that he wishes he hadn’t adopted him. And has told me the same, that he regrets it and wishes he hadn’t done it. And that he only did it out of a feeling of obligation. But it’s still incredibly hard. I don’t know why I’m writing this. Because I know this is very unique. And most people will just judge me. Some days I wish I wouldn’t have married my husband. And everything would’ve been different. But I love him, and our baby. I’m just so lost right now. Tell me that I’m a horrible mother, a horrible person. Fine. I have to do what’s best for my children. And I can’t help but this my step son would be better off as well.

If someone want to talk about what are you going through i am also needing someone to talk to about my stepson. Please reach to me and we can just get rid of this heavy lift 🙏😅 ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

I admit im struggling . For example , constant drama and I naturally disconnect for my own sanity . Then I heal or try to and I find myself thinking “not my problem” more often than not when situations arise . I think I’ve adapted that mentality so hard that I just don’t care if my step daughter wants to come over . Like I care and love her but I don’t believe in spoiling endlessly just to stay relevant for the visit and then enabling her behavior just to not upset her . I’ve chosen my own peace and my own sanity to the point where I just don’t even want to contribute to her life as a parent figure. I say that because I have my own daughter to worry about and I feel like my presence shouldn’t be an option but suddenly when I’m needed I’m a parent figure and all things in the positive or asset wise should be split with her . Mentally I’m disconnected in that aspect . I feel like I read a thread on here where step moms take on an aunt role where they’re an adult figure in the step child’s life but ultimately the responsibility should fall between bio parents especially if I have no say in their life. When she’s here cool we’ll hang out and I’ll care for her provide guidance when asked etc but I’m coming to the point where I’m accepting this whole mentality of literally she’s not my responsibility . I know this sounds toxic to some extent but also to some extent I have so much more peace now .