My Mother In Law Said What?!

I love my mil. We get along great. However my step daughter is in college. She comes home some weekends to work and stays at my mils house because it’s close to her job, and mil lets her drive her car wherever she pleases. She never informs us, she just calls my mil to go get her. The problem is Sunday nights she needs to go back to school and after work and getting everything ready she’s not ready to leave until 10pm or later and her school is 40 minutes away. My mother in law always tells my husband he has to bring her home. Although it 100% ALWAYS ruins plans it’s never a problem because that’s his child and that’s what he’s supposed to do. However yesterday I started a post partum medicine that I need to take for 14 days. Post partum rage and anxiety is eating me alive right now . I’ve never felt so low in my life. I have to take this medicine in the evening and it’s basically a sedative. Last night I fell asleep and didn’t hear anything until 8 this morning… including my 3 month old. I talk to my mil today and she says “I guess I need to take so and so back to school because by the time husband can do it you’ll need to take ur medicine.” Honestly.. I took offense to this. The way she said it was like double checking that I need to take it at the time I need to and lowkey seemed annoyed my husband will be here with me instead of doing it. For one. The girl is 19. Take a damn uber. For two. I’m not planning my mental health around rides for my step daughter. Sorry. For three. She knows the literally hell I have been going through mentally. For four. My husband needs to work. The later I take this medicine the longer I’m messed up for the next day which means the later he goes into work because I physically and mentally can not take care of a 3 month old on it. I can already see what’s going to happen next weekend and I’m fuming thinking about it. You would think she’d want to step up for just the next two weeks while I need my husband to stay put at home in the evenings. I know it’s a pain but this medicine is literally and hopefully going to save my life.

I thought this app would appreciate this story, so buckle up.

I generally don’t have a problem with MiL, sure she can be a bit delulu but in those moments I just nod, smile and pretend to agree.

I recently gave notice from my full time non-remote job. Husband often works crazy hours and has frequent work trips. Kids are 1 and 4. Maybe if I had a passion for my job, would have been a different story, but I decided to reset, maybe get through the summer (also how the fuck are parents supposed to work through summer with no school??) and revisit going back to work in September.

My MiL is a workaholic. It’s her passion, her drive. She often says “I raised my kids and made this awesome career” She had 2 nannies, a driver to get kids to all extracurriculars, all summer kids were at grandparents.

So when she found out I’m leaving my job, she told her son it’s a bad idea because “he will lose interest in me”. She has not spoken about this to me at all. When I asked my husband, what does she mean? does she think I will become dumb from not-working? He didn’t elaborate just said he didn’t agree with her, and supports my decision. I didn’t press further.

Fast forward to this week. She is staying over, and my best friend was visiting at the same time. I was not in the room and she starts talking about me with my best friend, telling her “don’t tell X” 🤣 giiiirl how unhinged are you, of course she is going to tell me straight away.

She basically repeated “this is such a bad decision” part adding “my son is exactly like me. I know exactly what he thinks. He always comes to me first for my opinion. He is always going to be comparing X with me, if she leaves her job. He needs someone like me (ew ew ew) I grew in my career and his dad didn’t. So I lost interest in his dad like my son will lose interest in X” implying that my husband is likely to CHEAT on me if I don’t have a career. Whaaaaaaat.

Little does she know that a year ago he was about to cut contact with her because he didn’t like how she treated me and only mended the bridge because I insisted 🤣

And telling this to my best friend??

I mean, I’m actually not surprised she thinks like that. But whyyyyy do MiLs have such unhealthy cringe boundaries with their sons 🤮

I’ve just thought about this, I have 2 boys but I don’t want to end up like my MIL so I’ve been wondering….is it just mothers who have only had boys who act like monsters?

So my MIL and I have always gotten along in the 10+ years we’ve known each other. But she and my FIL… dull and inane and I can’t be around her/them for longer than a few hours before I become irritable out of sheer boredom. I cannot stress just how uninteresting their conversation is. That’s one problem.

The other is that when my family visit, they help: cooking, cleaning, diy, you name it, they’ve done it. When my in laws visit, they sit on my sofa. And when they visit, it’s for days as they live 400 miles away. My MIL asked me to make her toast when I was 2 weeks PP from a c-section. She’s an ex-midwife.

There are other family problems too which has my back up but if I get into it all, we will be here a looooong time!

She’s coming again in April for three days and then they’re both coming in summer probably for a week. I’ve resigned myself to hosting in April but I cannot host in the summer. I just can’t do it. They can afford a hotel. Am I a terrible person?

Thank you in advance if you read all the way threw.

Pisses me off that grandparents saying they are there for you but then bitch about it when you need their help. My MIL moved semi close to us when my husband took a job the moved us 4 states away when our 1st was 2 months old. My mother inlaw moved a state just away from us to be closer. Though different states we are only an hour and a half away. The area she moved too was a place she lived before 20 years ago and loved the area but moved away due to her husbands job at the time.

She kept telling us to move closer to her and that she could be there more to help out. That that area was nicer ect. I will say we did enjoy that area more than where we were amd surprising my husband's job had a location in that area as well. 3 years later he officially got a transfer! Well we needed her help to watch our 2 little one's while we moved. We unfortunately didn't receive a moving package due to proximity reasons on the company so we are having to move ourselves. Ans we are temporarily keeping our stuff in storage while we stay with MIL while we search for a home to buy.

We've had to break this move into several weekends. First weekend packing. 2nd weekend moving boxes to storage Unit. 3rd weekend movers getting large furniture and cleaners.

2nd weekend we made two trips back and forth to the storage unit (lot of driving) and we were going to make another trip the next morning drop off the rental trunk and go see a house showing. Well the night before agter all our trips back and forth my husband randomlywanted to do a date night since his mom was watching our 2. We were tired but its been awhile since we last had a nice evening out so took the opportunity. Lovely evening.

Come this weekend. Movers moved the heavy furniture and we made a trip back to our rental. Hubs needed to fix something at the rental and I was to stay behind for the night to handle the cleaners tomorrow. Well he fixed what he needed too, helped me load our cars with the remaining items that needed loaded. We ate dinner (literally just takout we order to eat at the rental before he headed back). As my husband was getting ready to head back his mom called and just unloaded on him all mad.

She was mad he wasn't back yet and pissed she had to watch out children the past 3 weekends. And pissed we had a little date night the pervious weekend and was thinking we were having another evening date.... 🫠

WTH... she told us she didn't mind watching them while we moved and sorted our rental. Also she had begged the past 3 years for us to move closer so she could help more with us and watch her grandchildren more. What is with this generation of grandparents.

Literally these past 2 weekends my youngest has warmed up to her in strides since spending these weekend with her. She has been loving the attention my 1 year old has given her but now she complains and yells down my husband throat over it. She wanted to help more and be more there for us.

Idk... I am starting to regret this move. If this is how she really is... I don't want her help. And doesn't deserve 1:1 time with my children like she claims she has wanted.