My Mother In Law Said What?!

LA little back story, my mil got a new bf last year and a month into dating they insisted he be called grandpa. Fast forward to a few months ago mother-in-law and her boyfriend‘s behavior has turned nasty after father-in-law has come back into the picture. After mother-in-law and her boyfriend’s behavior at family events, such as my son’s baptism, my Christmas party and my father’s Christmas party, I told my husband to tell his mom that her boyfriend is no longer to be called Grandpa. fast-forward three months and he still hasn’t told her because he doesn’t want to upset her feelings. Now her bf wants to bring his son over to my house to meet my kids or his “grandkids” and they didn’t ask my opinion. I told my husband how I feel about it and he’s not telling her no because he doesn’t want to upset her. I’m starting to see my husband as less of a man because of his mom and putter her above me.

Am I over reacting? What should I do?

Back in the beginning of February i decided to cut contact with my mum because of the lies she was spreading about me. I’ve made it clear i will not have any contact with her. And she said she doesn’t care anyway. Well the same woman who hasn’t even sent me an apology text has been constantly calling over the last 2 weeks even though I have been sending her to voicemail. She has been sending stuff like happy international women day love you, Happy Mother’s Day God bless you and has even commented on the pictures my husband posted for Mother’s Day of me, acting like everything is fine. My husband was like ‘ no deleting the comment’. She has a habit of doing it. When you call her out on her BS she’s more mad than you even though she did this and without any acknowledgement or apologies, starting calling and texting like nothing happened. I’m pregnant but she doesn’t know it and I can’t be deal with her crap anymore. I’m exhausted. I never thought in my life I would have to come to a point of having to block my own mum. Until I met my husband’s family, I thought all parents were like this to their child and then realised nope I just grew up in a toxic home and no one was very held accountable for their shitty behave, everyone just played happy family when in reality it was all toxic!

Does anyone prefer one grandparents influence and support over the others. For example I prefer to be around my family more because they've been so supportive and we share a lot of the same views and they respect our parenting style. Where my in-laws just haven't been as supportive or respected our parenting style as much they've just gotten frustrated with us and I constantly question if they are actually that naive or is it just blatant disrespect. My husband says his parents just don't know and we have to teach them but I'm already raising 2 toddlers with and we're expecting our 3rd in October and I don't have the time, patience or capacity to teach 2 grown adults in their 50s how to be respectful and cooperative. I think it's generally more common to be around the woman/wives family more especially when children come into the picture. I'd rather just be closer to more supportive family that understands us and holds the same values. Is it wrong to feel this way?

Hi guys ! Just found out I’m pregnant with baby number 2!!!

I have some mil beef lol. I don’t like her. Like, at all. But good news, we live across the country from them :)

His mom has said stuff like “shouldn’t you lose weight by now” as I was one month pp… and “you do not cook or clean for (my son) as I would have expected you to” as I was one month pp (she was visiting)… she has also asked my husband while I was standing right there when he was going to make me a respectable woman by marrying me in the church… she has two daughters. They both had babies before they were married so I’m confused why me being married in general is a big deal? Ps her daughters are also not married through the church.

Anyway, we don’t have much contact with them since his second sister mentioned to him that having our daughter was a mistake and I don’t love him etc.

That said sister gave birth and didn’t tell him, nor did his mom or other sister. Would you tell them about this baby or wait til it’s born ? Or maybe not at all?

Sorry for the long one 😬

Before my little girl was born we set boundaries with family and one of those boundaries was around smoking cigarette’s. My MIL smokes and we told her in August 2024 before my daughter was born that December that the house smelling of smoke and her smoking in the house would be an issue when it came to wanting to visit and we didn’t want 2nd or 3rd hand smoke around the baby. She was very apologetic at the time, which she didnt need to apologise. We werent asking her to stop just that if the house was to have smoke in then we wouldnt be able to visit and the visits would be at our home. She was very adamant that she wanted to stop smoking in the house and get the house smoke free. Fast forward to when my daughter was born, she then admitted she’d been smoking in the house so we never really broached the subject on visiting her house. A good few months went by and she started to talk to my BIL behind our back saying that she wanted my daughter to stay overnight with her and to visit her and how she was upset that we hadnt visited her house. Bear in mind my house is a open house, she can come whenever she wants and I made it clear. My partner told her what the issue was and explained about the smoke smell and it wad like she just thought about her own feelings rather than think about my daughter and the risks with 2/3rd hand smoke. Fast forward to 15 months and the BIL Is now mentioning conversations he has been having with her and shes been asking him when does he think we will allow my daughter to stay at her house. It annoys me and upsets me because shes had so much time to make it a smoke free home and I feel like if she really wanted my daughter over she’d try make a better effort.

Now my partner is considering what we can do to get this moving but in all honesty, I dont feel comfortable going to her house or her looking after my daughter. She cant go without cigarettes for a few hours.

Has anyone else experienced this? And if so how have you handled this?

Any advice is appreciated 💜