Marriage Help

C.c

I’m not sure what’s going on, I’m starting to question myself. It’s a possibility I’m looking at this the wrong way, because now I’m confused.

Is it normal for your husband to tell you you can't handle your toddler?

My husband and I have been married for six months, and recently we’ve been having some issues with intimacy. We’re both parents with children from previous relationships, so naturally, we’re often exhausted by the end of the day. I completely understand that, and I try to make an effort to still be present and connected during the downtime we do have.

Lately, though, I’ve started to feel like I’m the driving force behind sex and physical affection. It’s getting to the point where I feel responsible for making it happen, and that’s starting to affect how I feel about intimacy between us. Unless I’m initiating things or making an effort to accommodate a new kink or something he’s interested in, I don’t really feel much enthusiasm coming from his side. I also feel like there’s very little aftercare afterwards, and on a lot of nights I find myself feeling like I’m competing with his phone for his attention.

I don’t want intimacy to feel like something I have to organise, initiate or work towards on my own. I want to feel desired, connected to my husband, and like physical affection is something we both genuinely want and make an effort towards.

Has anyone been through something similar, and if so, how did you get past it?

For back story purposes my husband has always been bad with money and really reluctant to discuss finances it stems from his mom🙄

However previously he has lied about money spends it on himself or whatever he wants and then my money is for the family and everything we need. Everytime he is paid there’s a ‘random bill’ that needs paying or he’s been changed an extra amount randomly on a pre existing bill or money has just happened to leave his account I keep talking to him about it but he gets really defensive and says he’s going to sort it out he never does then there’s hundreds ‘missing’ over time. Yet my money seems to pay for all the food shopping everything the kids need everything we do as a family anything for the house school stuff presents etc. Everytime I ask for input he makes something up or empty promises or spins a lie. It’s awful having to worry to make sure your money can stretch to cover everything whilst I know he’s got money for himself and lies about it. His story is constantly changing on what happened with his money or why bills haven’t been paid and I always have to pick up the short falls. I’ve just had enough, why isn’t our family and our home and bills the priority.

I been telling my husband lately that we been lacking intimacy. I understand we are both busy and sometime we are tired. We have two kids one is 11 and 1. I been having conversations with him about this and told him how sex is really important to me. And still nothing. I don't know what else to do.