Community Posts, Tips & Support on Adoption, Fostering & Surrogacy

Honest, unfiltered, and in real-time: what women like you are talking about. Peanut group chats, support, and posts on Adoption, Fostering & Surrogacy

Girl mom question about 2nd baby introductions

We are expecting a son and we are nervous about introducing the “wrong” way.

Did other moms have success if so what did you do to prepare toddler (18 month old) for a baby sibling?

Imaginary friend

Has anyone ever experienced their child having an imaginary friend?

I have encountered recurring instances where family members express an intention to contribute to my baby registries, only to subsequently fail to follow through.
Despite my efforts to share these registries, these empty commitments lead to later inquiries regarding the lack of necessary supplies for the children. While my partner and I proactively manage to build it up little by little, I find it frustrating when individuals make commitments they do not intend to fulfill.

One and done?

Hi, has anyone decided to stop after one child? I'm really torn and don't know what to do. I really struggled when my son was born and not sure I would cope mentally if I had to go through all that again. The only reason I would have another one is so he had a brother or sister. I worry he'll be lonely on his own and wish he had a sibling. I'm worried I'll regret it if I only have one but at the same time don't want to do it all again. I'm 40 next year so don't have long to decide either. Are there any only children on here (adults)? Do you mind being an only child?

Torn between religions and life choices

I was born into a Muslim family and raised to believe Islam was the only way. I was never taught to pray or never understood anything about Allah or the quaran. Though I once thought Islam was peaceful there are many things I do not agree with and the fact I must learn a foreign language just to understand prayer again is something I question. I was forbidden to enter a church or read the bible.
Now as an adult I am completely torn. I have children we ‘raise as Muslim’ despite never praying or understanding anything about Islam. Right now I don’t believe in anything I just know there is a god. I don’t want to go to hell but I don’t know what religion is the real one.
I don’t want to raise my kids the way I was raised I want them to have a religion but then should they wish to investigate other religions or convert them I will support that whole heartedly.
I want to believe. I want to belong. What do I do?

Any tips or recommendations on books for toddlers going through home moves and change of people leaving behind and new people coming into life and just big life changes

I’m solo only parent and we are moving a few hours away leaving behind a few people my daughter has had in her life around to help with childcare that she adores (au pair and friends etc).

We don’t have extended family around as such in life, so she has always had a support network of people that have been around that I’ve tried to create where we are currently living, leaving. Alongside an au pair who stayed with us for a little while while I was going through some rlly stressful life stuff and not been myself, whome she adores. She will be leaving us just after our move and settled into our new place in two wks 😢 . (as this amazing girl / au pair is going to uni).
She adores her, I’m so worried how she’ll take it. She calls her her big sister/best friend 🤍

But I’m doing a hopeful overlap of a lovely new au pair joining us at new area, as realised my daughter needs this. Just for a bit longer in life. I’ve been so stressed and quite low with some tricky life stuff going on, when it’s just her and I, I realised I wasn’t doing the best for her, and she regressed. So am sacrificing some things to be able to carry on with plan on new au pair after our current one leaves us who was with us for nearly two months, so my daughter doesn’t feel stuck with just me. I need it too tbh, the support has been life changing.
But also my daughter will be starting nursery for the first time at our new home and area (although she’s excited about that)

It’s a lot of change, but positive change. That it is a lot of change. And the worry, she may miss a few people. But I’m trying to create a support network to carry us through the change and hope she copes okay with it all.

But if anyone has any recommendations of books about changes like this and that goodbyes are not Forever and how to embrace exciting new changes etc

🙏🏼

Telling kids about seperation

Hi all, my partner and I have recently split and plan to tell the kids this weekend. Im feeling sick about having the conversation....are there any words of advice on how best to deliver the news to the kids? They're all 5 and under so I guess mainly my 5 year old will understand what's going on....

Sweep 39 weeks

I have a sweep on Wednesday and really nervous about going should I just miss it or is it worth going ?

Boundaries when baby is here

How is everyone going about telling family members about when they want visitors, and not kissing baby. I didn’t fuss to much with my first born as she was born during Covid and no one could come round and obviously there frequent testing when sick, but now being due in a few weeks and it coming into cold and flu season, I just don’t feel comfortable with it, especially because all family members are around kids and we all know how kids catch everything 😂

Anyone having their transfer tomorrow or this month??

Anyone having a transfer tomorrow? Or, this month, my frozen transfer is tomorrow, and I'm looking for others doing it.

Wouldn't it be amazing if everyone could treat each other like they do in emergency situations

Where a strangers' skin colour or politics no longer matter because you're all just wanting to help each other survive.
In those moments, people can recognise that the other person is a mother/brother/father etc.
I wish it could always be like this 🤍

Mat leave ending

Is there anything you wish you had done or anything you are so happy you did your last week of mat leave to make the transition easier?

Mamas, I’d really appreciate any advice or suggestions! 🥹

I currently have a nearly 6 month old, and we'd love to have three kids. I'm thinking about having them fairly close together, so I'd love to hear from those of you with 2 or 3 children close in age.

How are you finding it? Is it really as hard as people say, or is it worth it in the long run? 😅

I'm just trying to plan ahead (as much as you can with kids! 😂) and would love to hear your honest experiences; the good, the bad, and everything in between.

Being Good Enough

I’m 1 person trying to keep my eye on 3 kids. I’m doing the best I can with no help but being bitched at & put down by the people who are supposed to support & encourage me the most, my OWN FAMILY!!!!!

I feel like no matter what I do, the messes I clean that my kids make while we’re visiting, the help I offer them with whatever they need, I’m not good enough. I feel like to them I’m supposed to be a perfect mother.

Race identity - long post sorry

Hope this can start up the topic for anyone who may also be thinking of these things❤️

My baby girl is only 5 months old so I guess I’m a bit of a way from experiencing these difficulties and having to go through the motions of it buttttt- how have you managed teaching your children to appreciate both/all sides of their race? Tbh I’m not sure how to word the question it feels so loaded but I’m white and my daughters dad is black, so she is very clearly mixed race.I feel like naturally how we raise her and the experiences she has will shape how she deals with any racism and self image but those with older kids is there anything that came up or you did to help this? And those with younger kids/babies is there anything you’ve already thought about implementing/doing?

I’ve thought about the easy topics appreciating her hair and skin tone, the fact she looks different to all of her family on both sides I feel like those will come naturally, we’ve got books about families of different races and I plan on making sure when she gets dolls etc it’s dolls that look more like her and a variety rather than the basic white dolls.

I want her to know that it isn’t the only thing that defines her though, through life I’ve seen a lot of mixed race girls be boiled down to that one label, and I’ve already seen it be done to her when people address her being cute like “what a cute mixed baby” someone actually said to me “I love these type of babies” and some of her family on her dad said have been saying things along the lines of “we’ve finally got a mixed raced baby” although they’re all ‘positive’ comments they don’t sit right with me because who would say what a cute white baby/what a cute black baby, her dad doesn’t get my point on why it sounds off to me which also makes me wonder if it will be harder when these sort of things continue to come up.

People with 4+ kids

How did you tell people you're having another? This one wasn't planned & I already have 3 under 6

Do you yell at your kids?

I grew up in a Hispanic household and yelling was normal. Now having children of my own I feel bad when I yell at them, but also feel it’s necessary when I’ve tried the calm way. Just wondering if it’s “ normal” or definitely something I need to correct.

Donor Baby💕

Hi. My beautiful baby girl Brinley is nearly 4 months old. Me and my partner (trans male) conceived her via donor. Our donor is half Argentinian and half Israeli. We want to find the best way to bring her up, knowing about her culture but without being insensitive as we wont ever know what its like to grow up mixed race.
I welcome any and all advice (as long as its brought with kindess)

What’s easier? Going from 0-1 or 1-2 children?

I know there’s so many factors to consider, but overall, what did you find easier? I’m curious

Donating eggs??

Has anyone donated eggs? I want to explore looking at it. As I wanted more children but I feel like I've been emotionally hurt a lot in my marriage I'm not sure if I want any more children with him. But if I can help someone else use my eggs then I would feel like it was for something. I'm also nervous about getting pregnant bc each pregnancy I've felt like I was being played behind my back of things being revealed to me. The vulnerable time just kills me and I don't think I can do it again.