Community Posts, Tips & Support on Adoption, Fostering & Surrogacy

Honest, unfiltered, and in real-time: what women like you are talking about. Peanut group chats, support, and posts on Adoption, Fostering & Surrogacy

Anyone else find it really irritating when a white mum puts a post on social media about how 'difficult', 'challenging' and 'not for the weak' their mixed child's hair is?

How is the child supposed to feel happy and proud of their hair if their own mother is using terms like that to describe it? Ok they are supposedly just wanting help which is positive, but why are they not speaking to people around them (the child's family preferably) or doing the work themselves to learn different techniques?
My child is mixed race and I hope I never, ever do this type of thing or that someone let's me know if I do!

What's your most controversial parenting opinion?

Mine are:
1 - hitting/"spanking" kids should be illegal
2 - Personally, I would never put my child into nursery before they could communicate or before the primary attachment period was over
3 - Gentle parenting gets a bad rep because a lot of people confuse it with permissive parenting, and some people use it as an excuse not to parent their children at all.

Interested to know others opinions!

2 week old with NO NAME!!! HELP.

My last IVF baby after 8 years on the journey to get my 3 boys (all donor concieved).

I really have been connected to the name Tane (tah-ne) for cultural reasons (maori backgorund) but also because I have carried the name through my whole IVF journey and wanted to call my first son this name.

Fast forward to my 3rd son and I would like to call my 3rd child this name as it will be my last child I will be carrying.

My partner wants to call him Ari and started a massive fight in hopsital 2 days PP saying I will never be able to call the child that name.

I now have an un named 2 week old son and its starting to really get me down. I feel like I can't bring up the topic or speak about it without a massive fight and i feel so fragile atm im afraid I will just give in.

How do I keep this woman away from my child?

So long story but basically my best friend ‘s parents claim my daughter as their grand daughter since their kids don’t want kids, and I’ve been around their family since we were in kindergarten. They’re like a second family, and I was so happy they wanted to embrace my child when I became a single mother.

Then when my daughter hit school age, things started getting weird when they began pushing religion on me. I didn’t have any issues with my daughter going to church with them here and there, but they went behind my back to arrange her baptism with them as godparents, and I only found out because the priest called me for consent. I told him I didn’t know what he was talking about, but I’d get more information and make a decision (I didn’t plan to baptize her).

Anyways, I thought this was all fine and I kind of just ignored the religious situation. I took my daughter over there to visit one day in June, everything seemed fine, and then about an hour I left my mom calls me and tells me my friends mom called her to express “great concern” about me, and my mom said she told her she had concerns about me harming my child. My mom thought the conversation was very out of pocket and she called me because it worried her and asked why she would think that, and I genuinely had no clue and felt very very uncomfortable and just appalled hearing this. Some of the things she told my mom were honestly just so horrible and I couldn’t believe she’d accuse me of them??

I confided in a friend who is mutuals and has been around their family a lot and she ended up telling me friends mom did something very similar and basically accused her of driving my daughter without a car seat. My friend said she didn’t tell me because it was dumb and she always has a car seat (she literally bought her own because she helps me with after school care). But she was offended friends mom claimed she was doing this, and wanted us to confront our friend about her mom but I said to let it go because I didn’t want to blame friend for what her mom was doing.

Then my mom calls me and tells me that friends mom approached her in the store and made a comment about how she hasn’t seen my daughter in a while. My mom said she played it off, and friends mom went into her about my daughter not being baptized, and then made a comment about seeing my daughter when school starts. My mom asked her friend and found out that my friends mom, who retired this summer, got a job at my daughters school as an aid and specifically requested to work in my daughter class.

This is a major boundary crossing, and I don’t know what to do. She basically forced her way into my daughter life after being removed from it intentionally because she was painting me out to be an abusive mother because she was mad I didn’t embrace her religious beliefs. I genuinely don’t know how to even address this, or know what I’m supposed to do in this situation. I’ve never known her mom to be like that. She was always a little strict growing up, but she didn’t overstep like this. I feel super uncomfortable even talking to my best friend anymore, and I don’t know what she knows… I just want my daughter to be safe and I’m not sure I believe this behavior is safe… it’s kind of crazy.

Im a surrogate mum

My son is 6 mouths old now and my mother im law is pressuring me to got mother and baby groups but im kind of shy too , im a very outgoing person but since having my baby in Georgia and being alone for the first 4 months I feel like iv lost my confidence, or im scared of not being welcome or something because I didn't give birth , im concerned that am I holding him back because im to nervous to go to them . I don't know why im finding it a struggle to get out there but I am

No Village

To the Moms who have no village- no help to step in at all- how do you do it?

We’ve been very fortunate to have always had regular help from my in-laws but due to ill health that help is no longer available. We were so extremely grateful for their help and often found ourselves saying we don’t know how we’d do this without them. I know the privilege that is and it most definitely wasn’t taken for granted

I’m extremely nervous about it. In the most difficult of days, I had a countdown in my head to those days they’d come give us a break and that helped me so much. Now there is no countdown and there is no break and I’ve never had to do this before

Any practical advice would be greatly appreciated; I have a 6 month old and a 2 year old

Does anyone regret not having more children than what you have? Or is it the opposite?

I’d love to keep this friendly and not argumentative. Free opinion zone.

46 year old with grown kids & a toddler.

I’m looking for my people who understand having grown kids and a little one. We were blessed with a little boy. He was not planned but we wouldn’t change a thing.
We have a 20 year old daughter, who has a one year old. Another 20 year old daughter , an 18 year old daughter and a 22 month old son. I work full time. My husband is the primary care giver while I work.
Anyone else understand this dynamic at all?

Privileges

What’s a privilege you miss the most and probably took for granted before having kids?

Dinner invite

I have two sisters that I honestly don’t really trust. Something about their energy has always felt a little off to me, and I’ve also noticed that my child seems scared and uncomfortable whenever she’s around them. They recently invited me to dinner, but I’m really debating whether I should go. I have concerns that they may be involved in spiritual practices that I personally don’t believe in or feel comfortable having my child around. As a mom, would you trust your gut and stay away, or would you still go since they’re family? I feel like God has blessed me with a spirit of discernment so I know when something feels off

More children

Just had my first baby who is a month old and I love so much already and I’ve always liked the thought of not having a single child due to my love of my siblings yet my partner is telling me he won’t have anymore and that if I want more children “I will have to have the with someone else, I should be grateful I have one and he wants us time not loads of kids”. What’s your thoughts? Am I overthinking things/being sensitive?

Rosalie arrived today!

Planned csection and honestly it was a fine, not scary at all. Felt very fast from start to finish.

Am I the only one?

Let’s start by saying I love my kids and would not change them for the world.
Having said that, having kids is hard work, dupers change, cleaning all sort of bodily fluids, sleepless nights without even thinking of how expensive it all is.
That’s why I could never ever adopt kids. Like this sort of effort can be made for your own flesh and blood you created or at most for your nephews/nieces or grandkids, but certainly not for strangers.
If I made them it is my responsibility, but if someone else had some fun am I supposed to pick up the hard work? Forget about it 😂

Collecting colostrum

Be honest! No judging.
Did you wait until you were past 37w to start collecting?? With my first, yes, this time……👀👀

Aptimal 1 to Aptimal 2

Has anyone else had a problem transitioning from number 1 to 2?

Alone

Hi I just had my baby yesterday but I’m considering adoption because I feel like I can’t do it with 2 kids by myself, but then again I don’t want to do that so someone please help me

Why do some people feel so entitled to babies?

Im not just talking inlaws, im talking strangers..
They see a baby and immediately think its ok to touch them/get very close

I totally get babies are cute but I would never in a million years get overly friendly..I just dont get it!

Being a stepmom is the hardest thing I’ve ever done.

Ive been a single mom. I struggled on my own. Being a stepmom with a bonus child who is parented completely opposite than I do is so challenging. The lying, the thinking they’re an adult, the not understanding when we say something is dangerous to other children in the home…I just cannot. I want to be close to my bonus child, but I’m tired of the constant correction. I feel guilty when telling my husband to correct her to protect our baby and to make sure she’s not getting into adult business or lying but it’s like what gives?!

Should I have a third child? Advice please

Hi mums! 💕 I’d love to hear your experiences of having a third baby.

We currently have two very young children and I keep going back and forth about whether we should have a third ( in the future like 3-4 years from now). Some days I feel like our family isn’t quite complete yet, and other days I think, “Surely two is enough!” 😂

For those of you who have had a third, how did you find the transition from 2 to 3? Was it much harder than you expected? Did you ever regret having another, or feel like it was absolutely the right decision?

Would really love to hear the honest, good, bad and messy experiences! ❤️

Co-parenting

I need some coparenting advice myself, and the other parent has been cordial, but there have been some serious issues that have come up and I don’t know how to approach them or how to bring up topics that may be “slightly accusatory”. If anyone can help me message me, I’d love some advice.