How did you know you chose right? Long post sorry
My bd and I have been together for almost 3 years. We have a 16 month old daughter and another one due in a couple of weeks.
Our entire relationship has been so rocky and not really great. The week I was going to break up him two little lines popped up in a test. I figured that’s a sign to stay and work things out. That pregnancy he treated me decently. Postpartum was DREADFUL, I had PPD, no helpful village around they just cared to hold the baby so I could sleep or shower but in all honesty I wanted conv even if it was small talk or someone to sit beside me and watch tv or help with household chores/things since I had an emergency c-section so getting around was so painful and I wasn’t able to really take bath which was all I heard PP “go take a bath I have her.” (Well I can’t submerge water for 6 to 8 weeks doctors orders and I couldn’t stand long enough to shower alone). I gained really bad anxiety on top of that. I couldn’t even bond with my daughter (which is now crazy to think/look back on since she only wants me). I went back to work after 4 weeks (forced my boss not by choice couldn’t say no since my boss was my mom’s best friend). I cried for hours in bed in the evenings when my bd would get home and look after her. That continued for MONTHS. I never gained my sex drive back only got pregnant again because non-latex condoms are expensive and birth control fucks with my mental and physical health/state plus age requested sex since we haven’t since the birth of our daughter (she was close to 8 months old at the time) I respectfully said “I don’t know” he got annoyed and complained that we hadn’t fucked in so long so I rolled my eyes and said “whatever” and laid down I was too tired to fight/argue anymore that day.
BOOM 5 weeks later two lines on a test… he rushed to put a stupid ring on my fucking finger to avoid guilt and shame from his side. But honestly, this whole pregnancy I have felt so alone, and we have fought so much more. All he does is sleep after work hardly helps me with anything around the house or anything with our daughter. After one specific fight, I started to make a plan to leave him. I have followed through with that plan. The ultimate goal is to leave him but for me to be smart about this had the word it as I need time and space to think this through.
It’s so challenging because he’s making all these promises that he has made before, but I don’t believe them, but he tells me that this time he’s actually gonna go through with them. All of this is so psychological mindfucking because he’s so mean over text and then when we’re in person together, he looks at me like he’s a lost puppy and begs me every single chance he can to come back home. I’m waiting for my counselor to be back in office this week during our session in order to be able to go over a plan properly how to leave him and suggest co-parenting for now.
It’s like he’s mean over text and then we see each other for a split second so he can spend time with our daughter during that time he’s sweet and begs me to take him back and promising things will be different then later that night he’ll text me mean or continues to beg me to come home….
I feel like I’m choosing the right path but then also sometimes I question it….
I think my partners boundaries are too strict…
My partner has a difficult relationship with his family, I think his parents are lovely people but I can see where he gets frustrated with them. They are far from perfect but I think they mean well.
His older brother still lives at home and unfortunately has a habit of using weed and coke. He’ll smoke outside but do coke in his room and obviously drugs are kept there too.
The parents know this but have not tried to help him or get the drugs out the house. The brother has no intention of moving out either.
Because of this, my partner feels strongly that our child should never enter that house. The child would never be in the same room as the drugs but my partner feels that on principle, we should never take the baby there.
While I do not agree with his brother’s habit and the safety of my baby is the most important thing, I think he may be being too harsh.
I wouldn’t feel comfortable leaving there baby there without one of us but surely never going over is a bit far. I’m worried it would ruin the relationship between our families.
Of course his parents would be welcome at our house so it’s not like access is being denied, just not in their home.
Is my partner being too harsh or am I not concerned enough?
I think my partner is just using the baby not coming over as a threat to get his parents to do something about the drugs.
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