Military moms

No advice but THANK YOU for your service ♥️

1 reply

I know how you feel I was in the navy too. It’s a tough decision to make but don’t feel bad about any of it because it’s about you and your daughter not anyone else, I’m now a stay at home mom and after having a job and something to focus on it was absolutely miserable transitioning to sitting at home all day I felt like a total dependopotomous lol There comes a point that you have to just hit the ignore button and do what’s best for y’all. All the best <3

It's complicated..

Every mom that has freedom to, makes the choices that are right for her family and herself. If you want to continue to serve, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Moms will get judgment no matter what choices they make. A happy and fulfilled mom is also really important for baby girl to see.

You’re awesome. Ignore the haters. And that is one of the absolute sweetest pics I’ve seen.

Go back to active duty if you feel that’s what you should do! There’s absolutely nothing wrong with pursuing your career!

Are you’re kids traveling with you? It’s one thing to have kids and they are traveling with you. Another thing to have kids and leave them with other people so you can do you. You should have done you first then have kids.

Yes. Messaged you. I’m a mom but I’m also an officer , a wife and an attorney and as much as I love my son ( he is literally the best) I need more in my life. USAF

Thanks guys. It makes me feel better to know that I’m not the only mom who needs more. My daughter is with me almost all of the time. She’ll only not be with me if special circumstances occur like a deployment or an unsafe place to move our family. I have a mostly supportive family behind me. I just have some family against it- like my dad & my in laws side. They would rather me focus on being a mom. I’ve been asked over and over when I’m going to have more children. I honestly do not have the desire to grow my family right now. I LOVE being a mom. My biological clock is just not ticking at the moment but I get back lash for that too.

I think having an identity is important - not everyone is going to make their life cater to the SAHM aspirations. That's totally okay, don't let anyone make you feel bad. Plenty of us have husband's in the military who are still able to love and support their family - and they don't get any slack. It shouldn't be any different for a woman. Is your daughters father in the picture, are you guys together? What does he do? Will he be able to be with her if you do get on deployment. I think your daughter will be ultimately happier knowing her mum doesn't have unfulfilled wishes and potential resentment from putting your personal ambitions aside to play house indefinitely. Taking care of you plays a large role in your ability to take care of others. In a couple years she'll be spending half her day in school too so it won't be so bad with the daycare aspect of it. There is nothing wrong with a SAHD if that can fit into the picture to support you. Mine hopes to for our last kiddie once he retires from the CG.

I’m going through this too, I’m in the process of going navy reserves but I want to go active...

3 replies

Don’t do Reserves. Run. It’s horrible. Active duty is the way to go.

My husband keeps talking me out of it because he’s active and he said oh well if you go active our son will never be with us at the same time as much

I completly understand how you feel. I was active army for many many years. And my best friends husband said i was a horrible mom for leaving my son with my mom & family during deployments. I was floored. And it stung. It still hurts today and probably always will but it did not hurt him in any way. He grew up stronger and more respectful then other kids around him. He is now 19 and preparing to go to basic himself. The worst pain i have ever had was being away but it strengthened our family because i was doing what i loved. If i stayed home with a job i was not happy in.. he would have saw and learned to settle for less then he wants or deserves. Do what makes you feel whole, so he can learn the same from you. 🤗

Happy Mom= Happy Kids. I don’t have any experience of having children while in the military or my mom being in the military BUT my mom worked full-time, went to school and did so much for her family as a working mother. I’m a sahm and I do a lot for my family as well. I think your daughter will look up to you as I looked up to my mom. When you have a strong mother, it helps you know that you can accomplish anything. There is no right or wrong way to raise your children, just different. And I think as long as your daughter sees how hard you work and the great things you accomplish, she will understand and love you. Don’t be so hard on yourself, you’re an amazing mom even if you don’t stay at home

While I’m not active military. I have always been a working mom. I think being a working mom in a military community is hard, because most of the mil spouse are stay at home moms. Nothing wrong with that either. But it’s important for me to keep my career. I’m lucky enough that i work remotely for my global tech company. It has its downside though, because it makes it a lot harder to make friends. Most activity geared toward spouses are for during the day, when i have to work. And i have young kids still, so it makes it even harder. I would say, if you need more, go back active duty. My sister was dual military and she made it work. I think key is to have a supportive family. Husband and extended family on board. Not everyone has that ability to have family members fly in, if someone has to go on a deployment or business trips... but finding Your tribe, you can make it work. I honestly wouldn’t listen to these nay sayers. Often times, i fee they will have something negative to say because they unhappy.

I’m also AGR and my family is pressed for me to get off the program and move back home so my son can be closer...NOT HAPPENING 🗣😂I have to do what’s best for me and my son and that’s staying on the program.

I got backlash for getting out of the army. But I've been doing the stay at home mom thing and it's not for me I want to be more than just a mom aswell but I would never want to go back to working the long hrs that I did in the military and being away from him for such a distance and extended amount of time. I'm going back to college on my gi bill. You cant just be a mom your a person. And if you lower your standards of you for the sake of what others think your telling your daughter by example that she should give into social expectations of her as she grows up. No one is a perfect mom there is no such thing. But if your a happy mom that's what your kids need. If your happy you are the best you and you can then be the best mom for them. You need to take care of your self before you can take care of others just realize that you dont have to do just the military to do something else with your life. If u dont mind deploying away from your kid months & the military is worth the heartache of seeing them missing u

1 reply

Just know you can do something else with your life than just being a stay at home mom or the military there's other things out there that could make you happy and make you feel like your doing more but they wont take you away from your kids for 9 months at a time or so.

I was active 6 yrs as an officer, then Reserves as an IMA now for 8 yrs. I got out to start a family and was a SAHM for a bit but was going nuts. I went back to work as a contractor in the same place I would do my IMA duty. That was good but the traffic to get to work was awful and was wearing me down. I ended up leaving the contractor job to start working from home, which has been great. I pick the weekdays I want for IMA duty, no weekends. My 4yo and 2yo kids go to daycare (not the 4 month baby, who stays with me for now until he turns 1) during the day while I work out of the house. I love still being connected to the military part time and take advantage of the awesome Tricare Reserve insurance. I like that instead of focusing on the US Military mission mainly, my main focus is now my family and setting up some great investments and business networks so I can retire nicer than if I would have done a 20 year active duty retirement. Good luck!

I served 8.5 years active duty in the Marine Corps. I’m out now (Thank God Lol) and I’m so thankful that I get to stay home full time and be with my daughter and son on the way. It’s exhausting at times, but in a different and better way. I don’t regret my service, but I’m in a much better place now mentally and physically. I absolutely respect & admire the moms (and dads) that choose to stay in! It’s a LOT of sacrifice. I deployed twice, 7 months each time and I can’t imagine being away from my kids for that long. I would absolutely die 💔🥺

Don’t feel guilty if you want to go back, you definitely should! I think your relationship with your daughter will be better if you choose to follow where your heart is telling you to go. We deserve to feel fulfilled in all aspects of life❤️ I’m struggling with the decision to stay in also though.. so maybe I should take my own advice? I’m an army reservist but the army is still a part of me that I don’t want to give up. It’s just the thought of a possible deployment and leaving my newborn idk if I could go through that.

Going FTS is an option? I know much talk today is around the "you do you, you be happy, you...you...you" but my idea of parenting differs a bit from most. I'm Navy reserves also. I'd look into FTS. Maybe that could fit your situation better. Best of luck.

I was going to go to basic training in August, but I found out I was pregnant and I’m taking a Lil detour. I’m excited and nervous for my new adventure. I still would love to join and I can( 6 months after birth) , but I was going to go active and I still would like to but I’m thinking reserve is the right way but I’m still not sure.

1 reply

My biggest regret was not going active first...but do your research and do what’s best for you and your little

Who cares what people think. Ignore the backlash and be all you can be.

I did a little over 9 years ADAF. I separated under the Career Intermission Program. Basically you get out temporarily (anywhere from 12-36 months) and immediately come back in where you left off as if nothing happened. It’s been great so far. I get to stay at home without worrying about deploying while my son is little and I know I have a career to come back to. Highly recommend.

Currently in the process of joining DEP for USMC and am going to go active and I get really bad backlash for it because I have a 1 year old. But this is something I really want and is my biggest goal and I want to be able to tell my son one day that I was able to reach my goal no matter how many people put me down.

That's amazing thanks for serving our country ...your a great mom

I'm a mom of 5 girls

Not sure if anyone will see this but there’s a program called the career intermission program. It allows Active Duty members (if you receive an srb you are ineligible) the opportunity to separate for a period of 12-36 months. Once your time ends you owe the military twice what you got. For example, if you get out for 12 months you must come back in for 24 months. During that time you must check in monthly to a CIP manager but you keep medical benefits. Feel free to reach out if you have any questions! I’ve been in the program now for almost 6 months.

I cannot relate but how endearing is this photo

Thank you for your service and kudos to you momma! I've been contemplating joining for this exact reason. I know it's different because you're already in. But I feel the exact same way.

My partner just joined the reserves and goes away for training end of Feb so I will be home alone with our 2 babies 2.5yo & 8mo.. I pretty much do most the work looking after them anyway but it will be very lonely and not having him around for that extra help will be tough esp when I need him to kill spiders etc for me lol

I think you are incredibly brave! Just because you are away doing your job does not mean your child is missing out. As long as their is love then that’s all that matters, and from your post I can see nothing but pure emotion both toward your daughter and your future. Who says you can’t have a carer and be a mum? Us women are over looked and we can do/be anything we want to. That’s what makes us amazing mums along side role models. Keep being true to you, don’t listen to negatively. I believe you are truly amazing for what you are doing and I admire this so much! Well momma.💕

this photo is adorable, love that outfit your little girl has on. it’s absolutely classic ❤️

My daughter is actually pursuing the Navy career. She’s in the navy sea cadet program. If I was better physically I would be pursuing it as well. You do you and pursue that career show that girl how awesome you are!

I’m in the Navy, and also active duty. I’ve done to deployments and I can guarantee you, it only gets harder. But good luck to you :)

Don’t let anyone tell you that you can’t be a great mom and have a career. At the end of the day you have to do what is best for you and your family. No other opinions matter. Dual mil or single, hundreds of Navy families make it work everyday and raise happy, healthy kids that later learn the great sacrifice their Mom and Dad gave every day to serve this country. Don’t let anyone shame you for wanted to be a Mom and Sailor. I’m an LT so take it from me, you can do both. Get it girl!! 🎉