My experience with Getting out

Meeting other moms is hard (and I'm 34, so it's not an age issue!). I've definitely felt awkward like that too. We just have to keep trying to put ourselves out there.

1 reply

that's great that everyone can relate :) and yeah I agree plus my daughter is so young that she doesn't babble around people she's unfamiliar with.

Yes! It’s so hard. It gets a little bit easier when the kids get older because they will often be the icebreaker (they will start playing with another kid at the playground and you start chatting with their mom, etc). Hang in there! In the meantime, keep going to these kinds of things and remember, moms love talking about their kids!! Start with “your daughter is so cute! How old is she?” and you can’t go wrong 🙂

1 reply

yeah thanks so much for the advice and ended up asking another those exact questions than we stopped talking because I really couldn't find another topic since we were in a kid environment where one baby was crying and toddler's were yelling which is normal behavior while my daughter was just curious about everyone.

I have friends from before but mostly i just hang out with family. I feels awkard around other moms too. I feel inadequate around other moms and I don’t know why. And I’m not 22, i am 31 so i dont of age plays into it.

3 replies

Hi shaundra. I expressed my self wrong. I get what you are saying. I was trying to say is even at 31 I don’t know how to do this. But your experience is different being that you are getting an outside reaction to your age. Try saying hi and making conversation. Sometimes it works

I understand that age doesn't defy everyone's personal experience in mom groups but I am speaking from my point of view and age is one of the factors that plays a part in how other mom's may interact with me since many may be married, may have more experience in life, or may have more than one child

I find it difficult to start conversations with other moms too! Especially because I come across older moms more often. All I can say is that we can try and step out of our comfort zone. I was anxious about a natural birth but I did it lol. Just remember that we are capable of much more. 💕

3 replies

I’ll take a great personality to over no personality. You sound like a great person to be friends with 👍🏻

Yeah true because I try maybe I'm just afraid that my outspoken personalty will be to much for them since I'm a young mom who loves wine once in a while but also a mom who enjoys stroller walks so there's two sides and thank you for your encouraging words and your strong for even giving birth natural since I said yes to epidural lol

First off, good for you for taking our daughter out, getting both of you ready (feeling good is most important), and at least you’re making an attempt to interact with other moms!! I’m also a 24yo mother to a 22 mo daughter and an almost 8mo son. We are in a very similar situation, my boyfriend and I have yet to “take the next step” (🙄) cause we put our parental/adult priorities first; such as our children, life, house, cars, duties, etc. I am also new to this app and area. All my fiends/family are almost 2 hours away. Anyways; I’m sorry to say I don’t have a “fix” to your issue, other than you are NOT alone. Let’s connect!! I wish I would’ve found this app and other mom friends over a year ago!

1 reply

Thank you and aw well I'm a fairly new mom since my daughter will be 7 months the 29th and my relationship with her father are trying to figure things out so a little different and similar and It's understandable because I'll be turning 22 in 2 weeks and yeah I've had this app I just never really talked a lot to other mom's.

It sucks were so far apart, I feel the exact same way. Even women who arent moms see me with my son and make awkward comments; such as "oh a baby having babies".

1 reply

yeah and yes or they tell my mom she has such a pretty or cute baby until we both tell her that I'm the mom and I dislike when others judge a young mom since my friends were young mom's but they live 3-5 hours away from me so I haven't seen them in a long time which sucks since one of my friends daughters is only 3 weeks older than mine

You’re not alone! I am a young mom and I was concerned with not fitting in. I created my own lane. I built a mom blog and met moms here on Peanut with the same interest! Moms started to reach out to me and I totally grew comfortable after that.

1 reply

That's great to hear because sometimes I feel I'm alone and I use to love to write now its hard for me to find the motivation again so this is the first I've written in a while.

I've always sucked at making new friends both pre- and post-kids. :(

3 replies

aw I hope you make friends soon and sorry I can't relate since I use to be very outgoing and talkative with everyone until I got pregnant than had my daughter since I'm all about her but do go on stroller walks when its a warm sunny day :)

Me too! Especially the last 5-6 years. Pretty sure I'm broken 😂

I feel like making mom friends (or friends as an adult for that matter!) is super hard. There is way too much judgement with a lot of folks. I’m not a young mom, I’m 36 with a 2 year old, but I’m also not married. I feel like there is stigma around that and yuck! Who wants that?! I took my kiddo to reading events at the library when he was little in hopes of making friends, but no dice. My best friend happens to have a son my son’s age but we both have pretty crazy schedules so we only get to hang out a couple times a month if we’re lucky. I tried connecting with parents of the kiddos in my son’s preschool but they are all already friends and I was unsuccessful there too.

2 replies

I agree with you. Making friends as adults is really hard.

Yes I agree and I don't agree with that stigma since my mom never got married and is a great mother that worked hard for us. and aw yeah I know the feeling since my friend has a son 5 months younger than my daughter but I haven't met him yet since he's getting over a cold and my daughter is 7 months so want her to stay healthy :) but overall making mom friends isn't easy and it sucks because I would enjoy taking stroller walks with a friend

I feel the same way! I was never one to have many friends in school. My partner has actually been the first real friend I've had (I can be my complete self with him without holding back). Making mom friends is hard. We met a couple with a similarly aged baby at the zoo once. We exchanged numbers and had a playdate a few weeks later. Everything was great until the mom asked me my age and I told her I'm almost 20 years old (my son was 10 months old at the time) . She almost dropped her plate of food haha. I try to keep age out of the conversation now. If I don't, the conversation turns into "why would you have a baby so young?", "how does it feel not having lived life first?", etc. We live far away (I'm in Canada) but I'd love to connect!

1 reply

yeah I know the feeling my mom has to correct people when we go out because they think my daughter is hers which I love that she straight out says she is her grand daughter and I feel awkward around some older mom's because they just look at me since I'm a mom who loves dressing up but I've always been like that and always believed you don't have to change what you feel comfortable in because your a mom and I get more " see I told you what it takes to have a baby" and " you should of thought of that before you had a baby when I feel frustrated or depressed because she's throwing a small fit (7 months teething right now) so I know the feeling of people wanting to say something and yeah me to

I've never gone out to a public event meant for children or infants so I dont know what thats really like but I am also a young mom, I'm 20 and I lost some friends because I couldnt hang out with them like I used to. I love getting all dressed up with my baby, can't handle the heels much but I do feel like ive been judged before for spending so much time on myself. Kind of like I shouldn't be allowed to just cause I'm a mom.

2 replies

Wow. Your mom's smart for sure. I used to love heels but I hadnt used them much after I met my bf and then I got pregnant so I still didn't use them but I kept buying some. I keep telling myself I'll get used to them again. I recently got some knee high high heel boots. Anytime I go shopping I look for cute things for my baby girl but it felt nice to find something for me.

Yes exactly I get that all the time I needed a trim on my hair so my mom told me to go get it done and gave me the money to treat myself as a Christmas Present so I had a hair day while her father( kind of on a break) agreed he would watch her( we don't live together, daughter lives with me) and all my friends had babies young except for 4 and yes I love dresses,heels mostly boots, tiny cleavage showing, Have 3 tattoos, and a belly piercing. Also got a monroe piercing a little after my daughter but regretted it so took it out and dyed my hair red because after I had my daughter I wanted to express myself again and wouldn't dye my hair due to the chemicals I read. My mom always tells me you were a woman before a mom meaning taking care of yourself helps you take care of your daughter so I take my daughter on stroller walks because I love hearing the nature.

My daughter will be two and since I have had her, I have definitely struggled to make friends. My job had made me such a social butterfly, I had no problems with making friends but now I feel so out of the loop. Also being a stay at home mom doesn’t help either.

1 reply

I hope you'll be able to find more friends especially on here since this website is suppose to help all mom's stay at home and working mom's :)

I have friends “before baby,” who aren’t my friends so much in my “after baby” life. We have an obligatory “let’s meet for coffee,” but that’s it. I’m a young mom in my community as well (pregnant at 19, married w/baby at 20, now 21 with an 8 almost 9 month old) but I’ve sort of alienated myself from my age group a while ago because I opened a business and own a home with my husband, and honestly— that’s the reason. They’ve told me to my face. So my age group isn’t my ideal, but older mom’s also look down at me. So I’m in your boat.

1 reply

I feel their just jealous that your a young mom whose successful and has their own home especially if they themselves haven't reached that level at being older.

So sad to hear all the judgments people are living through and this post shines a light on that. Some because of age, some because they are moms and single friends don’t get it. Some just because they have a new business. Those are just a few and it is a harsh reality on how we judge each other!!! But it also shows we are all struggling. We are all trying our best and we could all benefit from more kindness and less judgment!

2 replies

I agree but sadly that's how our world is and as long as everyone judges others, judgement will forever stay.

True

I was always the only one saying Hi and nobody was saying hi back, they were already paired or in groups, knowing each other from before so talking to those moms was difficult. This is despite the fact that I was supposed to fit in in terms of other parameters.

1 reply

I know the feeling the exact same thing happened to me where they would ignore me due to the fact they were already in groups and it also didn't help that their kids were a little older.

I feel exactly the same as you. It seems impossible to make new mom friends. The best advice I got was to always be yourself regardless.

1 reply

Yeah and I really try and hope it gets better

I am a military spouse so I go through the process of "making friends" every few years! It can be challenging and especially when you aren't the outgoing social type (like me!). First, I think you were doing the right thing doing stuff on Peanut and joining baby/mom groups! It's not the most comfortable thing but I think a lot of people actually have the same thoughts and feelings you do who are at those groups.

5 replies

I also would say forget what "seems like you" and just go for it in those social situations. I often will just put it out there that I am looking for a friend! The hardest thing about adult "friend dating" is everyone seems to move slowly and make small talk that often doesn't lead to actually getting together again.

If you are chatting with somebody that seems halfway normal, just say let's exchange numbers and go get a coffee next week. If they are creeped out by that then they aren't really looking to expand their friend circle. Most people though will be happy you took the pressure off of them and made the first move!

No advice but I just wanted to say that I’m in the same boat. Went to story time today at the local library. It seemed like a lot of the moms that go already know each other or are related. Also doesn’t help that I’m a shy person and my almost 3 year old daughter can be a little crazy/hyper at times. I just go for her to be able to socialize with kids her age but most of the time I’m chasing her around trying to keep her from destroying things and to stop distracting all the other kiddos and to just STAY STILL or sit down and listen to the story! Lol I do feel judged sometimes because of how my child acts but I’m okay with just sitting there like a loner so she can get out of the house and have some play time. Momming is rough! and making friends when you’re older is hard.

1 reply

Yeah I'm guessing mom's already being in groups is very common at baby events but feel they should also talk to not just the mom's their familiar with since overall that's how to actually make new friends and they shouldn't judge your kid since they can't say their child's a perfect, well behaved toddler all the time because their most likely not because that's how toddlers are.

I can totally relate to that feeling. I was going on 22 when my daughter was 6 months old and it was so hard to make Mom friends. I was lucky enough to have a neighbor who had a baby 2 months before me and we hit it off. Ever since she moved back to California it’s been a real struggle making new friends so I guess I don’t really have any advice lol but I feel for you 💕

1 reply

That's great that you found a friend for a while but isn't fair that once you guys bonded she had to move although California is beautiful it's very expensive and yes it is because you literally start from scratch since another person has to get to know you all over again.

I feel the same. I just moved here and I'm always alone. I'm so ready to separate from my husband he is emotionally abusive and has been physical. I just had a new baby he is 3 months old and I have a 9 year old boy as well. Just ready to be on my own.

1 reply

aw I'm so sorry and hope you can get away from that especially being 3 months post partum with 2 kids.

Happens to me all the time! I just feel awkward around people until I get to know them ... plus being so far from home I barely ever talk to my friends ... Sometimes there isn't much to talk about and I keep beating myself up because I can't think of stuff to talk about with people I don't know... Hopefully will get better in time.

1 reply

Yeah I understand and don't beat yourself because every mom feels the same way about making friends as a mom, we just have to find a mom we click with :)

Id say hi, sounds adorable! Dont get too discouraged. Out of 1000 mamas ive met irl (not from Peanut), ive talked to a handful and ended up befriending even less. Youll find your friends, its just not easy. Focus on your daughter when you get stressed in a situation like that. I remember a music class with really judgey moms once and just ignored them and made it the most fun thing for him and me.

1 reply

yeah that's why I did just talked to her and played but I think she was a little overwhelmed because she's not around kids a lot but she's only 7 months so she just stayed super quiet( she baby talks a lot a lot usually) Thank you very much for the advice

I’m a young mum too, I’m 22 this year same as you & I totally get what you are going through, my son is 2 months old so it’s still very early yet but meeting new mums is never easy ! Best of luck x

1 reply

aww yeah I'll be going back when my daughter's close to 1 so she'll enjoy it since she's still young and cherish every moment because it goes by fast :) she'll be 1 in 5 months but it goes by fast :)

Me im 23 and have 0 friends

1 reply

yeah it's hard to find people you click with especially when your kids are still really young

I was 22 when I had my first child and I hated playgroups we literally stayed in because as much as I wanted to make friends I hated the judgement. In January just gone I forced myself out with my little boy to a playgroup you know new year new me all that crap! We now go weekly and we’ve made friends! I found I had to put myself out there. I’m now volunteering to help run the group whilst both children are at nursery and I can promise you every one feels the same way as you and is in the same boat! If you ever fancy a chat just message and so what if you like to dress nice! I’d be thinking she’s got her shit together fair play! X

3 replies

I think volunteering to help someone you don’t know , as long as the gesture is sincere , is a good way to make friends.

lol thanks for the advice :) I'm waiting until my daughter's at least 11 months to go back so she can make friends and actually also enjoy it since she's only 7 months :) I'm far from getting my shit together but I don't like looking like it so no one really knows how I feel because I don't look like it

I still have a hard time & have no idea. My daughter is almost 2 1/2 😞

5 replies

yeah it's just harder making friends as a mom

Basically

um, yeah. it’s literally like the mom curse. and the longer you go without making friends the more socially awkward you become making it that’s even harder to find friends LOL. this is especially true when you have kids young because unless you are in a military community the people around you with kids are usually quite a bit older than you

My son will be 4 soon and I literally have 0 friends. I lost everyone when I fell pregnant and moved away. It's isolating and draining. I also now struggle socially because I've not had friends for so long I just feel awkward

1 reply

I know the feeling. 😞. Lonely life.

I feel the same way I’m 20 my daughter is 6 months and all of my friends are in college and we don’t talk much any more until I go home for the holidays I spend time with my family and my boyfriends family a lot and want to join a mom group but feel I won’t be able to connect with them because of our age gap! Glad I’m not the only way that feels this way and hopefully things will change

I have like 1 rl friend who's my bestfriend and 10 online bestfriends, i also have a hard time making friends. I became a mom at 21, but it's crazy how many friends you lose (who aren't mothers) after having kid's. I've met one friend from here and we still talk and trying to make plans to hang out soon she had moved to SC and had just moved back to the area so i was excited she came back lol. But if you have friends in here who are local make plans to meet and hang out!

I have zero friends and SAHM. I just went to a big fitness summit. Talk about socialization overload. I forgot how conversations are supposed to FLOW and how to get out my shell. I told my husband and he said he’ll start helping me get out but social skills is REAL!

I struggle soooo much. I don’t understand how some can just have so many mom friends.. it’s lonely for sure and I feel your pain!

i’ve never been good at making friends so now that i’m a mom it’s just worse. i don’t even know what to say to people anymore.

I relate to you so much!! I love dressing my daughter up even though I’m usually in a T-shirt. And I’m 21 and a single mom. I get judge mental stares and nobody talks to me 😬 I try to be nice to other moms but we’re always in opposite points in our lives with them married, older than me, and so many other differences. It’s SO hard!!

As an 'older' mum please know nobody is judging you😊we're all struggling at times and it's hard to just socialise cos baby comes 1st..being a mum is hard work regardless how old you are. Being a mum makes you a frigging rockstar no matter who you are! You don't need to be married motherhood is a blessing however it comes about. I dress me and baby girl up all the damn time haha if anyone has an issue with it they can suck an egg! It's hard to be a mum and connect with other mums people are just as shy and just as nervous as you half the time which is why they don't introduce themselves don't take it personally. I'm outspoken too which is fine if people are over sensitive that's a them problem not yours! Be you be the great mum you already are. xx

I have a two year and I’m 34 year old and I have a hard time making friends. I take me daughter to the park and I play with her and other mom talk I feel alone

I had this when my oldest was 15months old and I'd just had my middle child. The baby groups were full of little cliques and i felt as welcome as a fart in a lift. Plus I had the opposite everyone was younger and i was the oldest there. Literally no-one said hi so i plucked up the courage to leave and as i did i told them all that i felt the least welcome I'd ever felt anywhere and that if i had a choice between coming back and having a smear I'd be legs akimbo quicker than you can say 'awkward silence'.

1 reply

🤣🤣

Def dont feel paranoid bout ur age trust me it works the otherway 2 im a older mum and i feel all are younger mums. Totally get the socialising struggle. Its hard enough anyway but when ur sleep deprived and out of sync with whats happening in world outside ur four walls can be so daunting. Just take reassurance in the fact that all mums have felt like this or do ferl like this at some point. Being a mum is a tough task. I just try and go with it. At groups if i get tslking to other mums great but if i dont which i dont always i just see it as at least we got out of house n little one got chance 2 play xx