Does my husband have a say in my OB?

Hi All, I got pregnant in June 2020. Due to Covid restrictions my husband was not allowed to attend my prenatal appointments except for the anatomy scan. Due to this and my doctor being affiliated with a hospital in NYC (we live in Long Island) and him not wanting to drive that far (35 mins) he wanted me to switch doctors. I told him I was not going to and continued care with my OB. This angered my husband and he continues to hold resentment as her brought it up in an argument today - that I never listened to him. That choosing an OB should have been something we did together and I took the opportunity away from him to see his child grow. He doesn’t seem to understand that I wouldn’t want to change my doctor that I’ve been going to for years. How can I make him understand that I wouldn’t change my doctor I’ve been going to for years. Especially during a pandemic where even if I changed doctors he still wouldn’t have been able to go to appointments with me.
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I don’t know how to make someone understand something after you have already explained it to them. If sounds like he cares more about how he feels then if you are comfortable with the doctor. It is your body and you need to feel comfortable with the doctor especially when having a baby. My OB was about 30 minutes from where we live and my husband complained about it but I just ignored.

The care isn’t just about baby! OB appointments check on the parent and baby, but parent is their patient (@ least from my experience and perspective.) you should be comfortable with YOUR doctor

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I’ve tried explaining that to him numerous times but he just doesn’t get it.

No that's the same as him thinking he has a say In your body I lived in the Bronx and went to the dr in long island I gave birth at north shore we didn't even have a car at some point in my pregnancy & my husband lived in Florida at the time because we were moving and i didnt want to switch my ob until after i had teh baby & we made it work. If he truly wanted to go to the drs appt that are basically nothing to do at. He could've figured it out (pandemic aside). But either way he wasn't allowed in so he just picking a fight for no reason. Did he go to the scan?

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He did go to the anatomy scan and was a grump the entire time. I didn’t want to find out the sex of the baby and he did. So when they asked if we wanted to know I said no. After the scan he told me he was upset so I told him to speak to the person who did the scan outside of the room so I couldn’t hear. Apparently the person couldn’t determine the sex. I had to have a few more sonograms and every time the person said they couldn’t determine the sex. I told him I could find out through my genetics testing but that I didn’t want him to tell me. He said he couldn’t do that because he knows he will blurt it out. I eventually ruined the surprise for myself and of course he went and told everyone at his job.

He sounded like he just wanted to catch a tantrum there really isn't anything he needed to be involved in during most of the pregnancy if I could've skipped the drs I would've.

I’d make sure he feels heard by saying you understand that he wishes he could be more involved and you appreciate it. However, many OBs and hospitals have restrictions and it is really important for you to get quality care from a trusted professional so that the both of you can know that you and the baby are well taken care of.

I did. I thought he would appreciate the guidelines my doctor was following knowing how contagious/deadly Covid was back then. He said he didn’t feel included in the journey. When he found out his friend changed doctors so her husband could go to appointments that’s when he wanted me to. I explained to him the guidelines at the time and that I was comfortable going to a doctor that wasn’t following them. He continues to say that since it’s his baby he should have a say in the doctor. No matter how many times I explain to him that an OB is my doctor and a pediatrician is the baby’s doctor he still doesn’t understand. My girl just turned one. I’m over these arguments.

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Can I say that you both are allowed to grieve the experiences you wanted but lost out on? Covid hit us all hard in so many ways, but that was out of your control. As was the difficulty determining birth gender. All that said - it’s not fair for him to throw tantrums and continue to bring this up and blame you. He needs to drop it. He gets to feel his feels, but doesn’t get yo push them on you continually.

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