Terrified of weaning

My one and only kiddo is 17 months now, and originally I said I was going to breastfeed until two or she weans on her own, but as the 18 month mark is approaching and my mental health is not so great, I am considering… cutting her off, I suppose. On one hand, I know there’s immunity and nutritional benefits for my child that I don’t want to miss out on. The pediatrician we see said it’s fine to just give them cow’s milk after 1 year old, but that completely different nutrient profile than breast milk (not to mention whatever meds and hormones they give the cows), and most of the stuff I’ve read on the interwebs says people everywhere else in the world except the US typically weans after 2+ years, so I feel like that’s what is… “correct?” Like, how it’s “supposed to” be, for optimal development, ig? (I’m very much a “return to monke” type of person, lol.) Also, it’s so convenient to always have milk at the ready and not have to worry about having a sippy cup with (generally perishable) milk at the ready, you know? Plus I’ve been totally dependent on breastfeeding at night to get my daughter back to sleep, as she wakes up multiple times to nurse. And it’s not always just comfort nursing either— sometimes it’s her gulping down milk for minutes on end, so I’m thinking she needs the calories? On the other hand, my temper is completely out of control. I’ve made some progress with my anger issues, but I still lose my mind and yell at my toddler sometimes (like, in a terrifying, demonic way that scares even my husband) and obviously that makes me feel like a shit mum who’s hurting her child psychologically. I have a hard time getting into therapy and finding a therapist that I click with, what with my insurance and schedule and all that, and even if I did find one, I’m not sure how much s/he could even help me. I can’t take meds while I’m breastfeeding. I’m also almost certain I have hormonal issues that probably contribute to the anger, in addition to other health issues I’m having (hot flashes, joint pain, menstrual irregularities, rapid skin aging, etc.) and I don’t think doctors are either willing or able to help while I’m breastfeeding, as it changes your hormones too, and again, you can’t take meds while BFing. There’s also the part where I’m a reservist in the military, so when I’m doing service obligations, have to take time out of the day to go express milk in the bathroom, which is… embarrassing, because I worry people think I’m slacking or intentionally prolonging BFing just to get “breaks…” (but I feel guilty for being embarrassed and not pushing back because feminism, I guess?) It’s all such a mess and I don’t know what to do

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I always wanted to BF until 2yrs+ and was lucky that we had an easy journey with it. But it was shortly after her 1st birthday that my mental health was taking a beating from BF , I was getting so angry and agitated every time she was on me 😭 You've done fantastic to carry on so long, bubs will have gotten so much from you! If you feel it's time to stop, then by all means stop! Please ignore any research you read about the benefits for bubs if you're not benefiting from it anymore either. You being your best you is going to be far more beneficial now 🙏 Us mums put so much into our children, but it's just as important to think about ourselves. It sounds like stopping will help you in the long run. And there's no need to replace with cows milk if you don't want to! I'm not a fan of drinking cows milk so never offered that, but she did have a phase of drinking alpro growing up milk which does have extra nutrients in and can have as soya or oat - I only stopped buying because I just couldn't afford it anymore

Think of yourself as more than just the breast milk supplier! You are her mother and she needs a well balanced, happy mother. If it's time to give up BFing in order to feel more balanced again, then that benefit totally outweighs the loss of breast milk. I wouldn't be saying this if your daughter was under 6 months old, but she's older and already past the stage where breast milk is critical. You should totally be proud of yourself! I'm typing this as my 5 month old snoozes away happily while latched on, so I totally get wanting your body back!

I was terrified to wean too! We weaned at 15 months, my goal was at least a year. My mental health was suffering and my patience was nonexistent. But nursing was comfort, sleep routine, everything. He slept latched the entire night and nursed to sleep for every nap. I finally decided to go cold turkey, and since we bedshare anyways I was there to comfort my son through the transition. In the end we had two rough nights but after that he was fine. I felt so much better after that. No more boob friendly outfits, better night’s rest and the burden of being the default parent eased a bit too. You can do this! Countries where women wean later in life tend to have MUCH better support for nursing moms. If you’re pumping in a bathroom, I’d wager suppprt in your breastfeeding journey has been pretty lackluster. You should be so proud of yourself!

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