And suddenly I’m a stay at home mom?!

Do what makes you happy and talk to your husband about how this makes you feel. Communication is the most important thing! He could have said it because maybe he sees you enjoying your time with the baby and wants to make you happy. Who knows!

Do what is best for everyone’s mental health.

Do what is right for you. It is so easy I think for us mom's to do what everyone else wants us to do. I personally did not want to stay at home. Not only because of the money but I New that I couldn't handle it. My daughter was a handful to say the least. It would not of been good for my mental state. If that makes me a bad person then so be it. Good luck!

View the pros and cons of it. For me we have been struggling with just one income and I'm going back to work. My fiance makes descent money but, rent is high, cost of living is ridiculous. Long term for me means I can build a savings, make an account for my kids, plan future vacations and have my own security in place in case if something God forbid happens in a family emergency. Being a stay at home mom has been great but not being able to have extra income, not being able to feel like I'm working towards retirement, building a savings for my kids is not what I want.

Omg! THIS! I can totally relate. I’m in the same situation except now it’s been a year. It’s recently became a struggle to balance feeling appreciative for the opportunity to nurture our son and watch him learn and develop at my hands in the comfort of our home, and feeling the ambitious side of me yearning to get back to my career and my pre-baby goals. It’s been such a learning curve for me and there’s been many layers to it but I would just say to protect your mental health and do what is best for you and your baby. Don’t put pressure on yourself, especially at 4 months. I tried going back to work too early and had an emotional break down. Your baby needs you so much right now, so if you have the opportunity to enjoy, then please do. As baby gets older you’ll be able to make the time to ease back in to the workforce. My advice is just to try enjoy it while you can and you’ll feel when you’re ready. Easier said than done yet now my son is much more independent and I’m itching to get back to work 😂

I was lucky enough to have been given the opportunity to be a stay at home mom as well. I chose to go back to work because although in my heart I’d love to stay with my baby, I knew that I would definitely lose a large sense of myself (that’s already been happening) and ultimately it could be detrimental to my mental health and relationship with my spouse. I have a few weeks until I have to return to work and it’s a very confusing feeling to not want to miss a moment of my daughters journey but to also feel as though I need my career. I strongly believe that a child’s wellbeing is not solely determined on whether they are cared for by a stay at home mom but whether she is truly happy to be a stay at home mom. It’s not for everyone and you have to do what you feel is best for yourself and for baby, that’s the least selfish thing to do. Also, I felt loads better about my decision because we are VERY fortunate to have family that will be watching her, not sure if that’s a possibility for you. Good luck!

If you really want to go back to work, perhaps work it out with the boyfriend with a timeline. IE- when the baby is 6 months old or 9 months old, you plan on going back to work. That gives you time to figure out child care, lets you prepare mentally to go back to work or decide you would rather stay home. Perhaps it may even be a relief for your boyfriend so he doesn’t feel like he has to support the whole family. Good luck

🙋🏻‍♀️SAME!!! It is a hard transition to begin with: from just worrying about yourself/partner to now having this other being with needs and wishes, who depends on you for everything. It’s very new, and you feel a change in all your relationships. Now you aren’t just a daughter but a mom, not just a romantic partner but mother to his kids, not just a good friend to your girlfriends but now responsible to teach a person of the next generation to be a good friend to others. Some of this transition is sweet! I appreciated my mom so much more once I became one. I loved seeing my hubs as a father. But a lot of it is really hard, because it’s so much, so fast! And that’s only the transition to motherhood! The transition to stay-at-home-mom is another layer of difficult! Every part of my day—and night!!—now needs to go through this tiny demanding manager that doesn’t speak my language! Talk about a hard day at work, with no breaks and no thanks!

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Forgot to add that, like other mamas have mentioned, the time with my little ones is so special. I really do like being able to see them grow and learn. But I’m thinking of a part-time job, because I still do crave that grownup time and that more concrete feeling of achievement. I know motherhood IS an achievement. But even for a few hours, it would feel good to me to make a paycheck.

I’m in the same boat! I’ve been working since I was 15, and now all of a sudden I have the hardest job of all, being a mom and housewife, and I don’t even get paid? Haha.. I’m just trying to Cherish all my time with our son , because I know I’ll regret it later if I don’t

I’m in a similar situation. I had quit my full time job, for various reasons. I have been at home with my almost 2 year old since January. Don’t get me wrong, I love the extra time with him, but at the same time I feel absolutely useless and lazy. Our second child is due in 3 weeks, and my sense of uselessness is getting worse. I’ve always had some kind of part time job since I was 16. I do work 1-2 days a month, but that’s not enough to make me feel like I’m contributing something more to our family. With my due date 3 weeks away, I’ve found myself applying for jobs again. 🤷🏼‍♀️

I am becoming a reluctant stay at home mom as of June 1. I also love my job, but it isn't lucrative enough and I earn 37-40 per hour, working 18-30hrs a week! So I want to do d a mom in a similar situation who loves to work, so we can swap babysitting. That way all the money that comes in is profit and also, sanity. I'm in White Marsh. If you're neat there maybe we should talk. In reading the comments, this goes for any of you moms. I mean we literally make humanity happen. I'm sure we can figure this out.

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Wish I was in your area!

This happened to me too! Except unfortunately I was let go from my full time job after almost 10 years. It was awful and had nothing to do with my ability to do my job which made it worse. I too need something for myself and love the feeling of self accomplishment and never saw myself as a SAHM. Don’t get me wrong watching my kids grow has been an incredible experience and being a SAHM is the hardest job ever but you gotta find a balance. Luckily I’ve found a business opportunity that works around me being Mom but still gives me the ability to provide financially for my family, fits around my busy schedule and let’s me have something for me. You should check out some at home business opportunities. I’m happy to share more info about mine if you’re interested? I know I’m a better mom, wife and person because of it.

If you want to work and still be a stay at home mom, you can do both! There's plenty of companies out there that would allow you to do that, its just about finding the right one for you. Im transitioning soon from working my part time job to being a stay at home and building my own business. Most of it I can do with my son and the rest I do when my boyfriend is off. I cant stay home and not make my own money. Id feel controlled and Id rather be prepared if anything was to happen. If your interested in some info, feel free to message me.

I would say, enjoy it. I love to work too. I travel all around the world with my job. However, the time I got to establish my bond with my kids has been amazing! We are tight and I’ve been in the trenches with them. Staying at home is definitely harder than any job in my opinion but so much more... what’s the word, meaningful?

Oh I am in the exact same boat!! I have always been independent, but my man's dream is me being "Betty crocker" and raising our boys at home.. I am going crazy! I want to work, but I am loving this time with my babies!! I stay so torn on what to do so I totally feel your pain and I am sorry I do not have advice. All I know is to be patient. That's what I am doing.

I am a mommy blogger and i stay home with all four and make money documenting our life it’s cool.... enjoy the time ❤️❤️

Im in the same boat x2 and feel the sane as well

I didn’t think I’d be a SAHM for the same reasons but I did end up taking much more unplanned time off then I expected. After a while though, and obviously this is circumstantial, I NEEDED to work. So I took on stuff little by little. Theres no right or wrong answer here, just what’s right for you and your family. Unfortunately, you’ll probably feel the mom guilt either way but you also still gotta do you.

My daughter is 13 months and I stay home the majority of the time, just picking up shifts in retail here and there. My husband is finishing school in less then a month after almost 7 years. We finally sat down yesterday and realized my job is here at home and that the drive and effort is not even worth it anymore. For him to be the financial provider and for me to take care of our home and kids, makes me feel happy. He wants to support our family and he is supportive of me spending time with friends and finding new hobbies. I find that so attractive in him and I’m happy to have this opportunity!

Try to enjoy this time. They aren't little for very long and they don't 100% need you for very long so just have fun during this special time you've been giving. You are the absolute best person in the world to care for your baby. No grandma, babbysitter, or even dad can do the amazing things and have the built in understanding for your child's needs like you. To help with the daily grind of it, create and stick to a schedule for housework, cooking and errands. This will help you realize just how productive you are everyday. Of course baby's don't always let you get a lot done so don't feel guilty if not a lot gets done. You are now the one at home so your new job title in addition to mommy should be manager. I'm not a sahm but I only work two days a week so I consider myself the house hold manager. I keep bills and appointments organized for the family, do most food prep and cleaning, do shopping trips and other errands. It's important to be proud of the work you do in your home

I went through the same thing. I worked as an aquatic trainer and LOVED my job. I went back for a few weeks and realized that the routine I built for my son was crumbling under my husbands care lol. Now I run the social media end of the business and work from home. Maybe you can find something to do from home? Having that feeling of being self sufficient is important-you're still your own person who deserves to have an identity. Stay motivated mama

I was in the same boat! Found a great home business that worked for me. Found myself again, and was still able to enjoy being a STAHM, and bring in a great paycheck! Win win! Tons out there! :)

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Do you mind sharing what the at home business is?

I am also in the same boat. I’ve always worked and made my own money. But with my husband going to grad school and working and us being away from friends and family, it made sense for me to stay home and raise our son. There are days I go stir crazy and miss working. But then I think I am lucky I am able to watch my son grow up.

Agree! It was always my plan to go back to work, but the plans to watch my little ones (twinning!) fell through. We started looking for last minute daycares or nannies (literally had a week). We just realized why not I just stay home. I didn’t think I would be a SAHM at 25, I just graduated with my Masters last year. I knew if I went back to work I would have so much anxiety about what was going on and then on top of that my entire paycheck would go to their care. It just made sense for me to spend time with them and watch them grow. I think the hardest part is being stuck in the house, only because I have 2 and it’s hard to get around. But it’s so worth it. They are only your babies once, so bask in it ❤️❤️

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I was in the same boat! I worked all the time and loved it. Never in a billion years did I think I would be a SAHM, but I absolutely love it. I stay busy with the library, play dates, children’s gym, and our music together class. So fun staying busy and meeting other moms. I’m literally having the time of my life!

If you really want to work I have a job that I do before my son even wakes up in the morning! And I do it from home. I feel the same way that you did. I don’t know I feel like I needed to be productive. Also my husband doesn’t make enough to support us by himself so that’s part of it as well.

I am a stay at home mom

Totally not selfish to want to return to work. You do you! I went back to work after my first and it was the best thing for me. I’ve since become a SAHM and while I loooove it, I still miss work. Maybe find a part time gig?

I feel you 100%. I’m a workaholic and I absolutely love feeling productive and even though a day at home with baby has me doing productive housework and keeps me busy its not what I ever wanted for myself and I felt like I had lost who I was previously coming from a 60 hour week design job. I started up a health and wellness business and am now working completely remotely. Some days I can only afford 30 minutes of my time and other days a few hours. I’m feeling way more myself building up a business and still able to work from home to spend time with my child. Plus now that I’m making an income again I can afford to pay a cleaner to do half the housework for me. 🤷🏼‍♀️😊 Feel free to message me if you want more details. It’s all about just finding a balance and don’t ever feel guilty for wanting things for yourself. If mom is happy and thriving the whole family wins.

Girl I tried my hardest to go back to work started working 3 weeks post partum. And now I’m back home. Honestly I missed my little guy so much I couldn’t take it

I totally get it. I loved making my own money, being able to get what I want and the time to step out the house and just be me. Now being pregnant again and struggling with childcare I won't be back at work until they are both in school. I am going crazy stuck at home.

Staying home isn’t for everyone. I taught for 9 years before having my child. I’m still not sure that staying home is for me... and children where my business. I miss adult conversation. I was a district supervisor in my area and miss the professional rush. I was one of those who served on every committee, volunteered for everything possible, etc... I loved my career. I was a policy maker and it’s hard to give up that influence. Do what works for you.

Same boat here! I wish I had words of advice to offer - my boys are 5 months and I’ve just hit 8 months at home. My husband is supportive and wants me to go back to work, but with twins, it’s a slow and tricky thing. Hang in there, mama! ❤️

Ill be a sahm come june and i absolutely feel where you are coming from (along with nervousness)

Sooo happy to read this, it’s almost my situation to a T. I’ve been working full time since I was like 15. I Got pregnant in 2017 by surprise, 8 months later I quit my job.. 5 months go by after that and I’m still not working and it’s an extremely anxious/overwhelming feeling. I want to be with my baby for every little thing! But then I have moments where I feel stuck, or have to ask my fiancé for money or spend a whole day in the house. It’s crazy! I feel so blessed to be able to stay home with her I couldn’t imagine having went back to work when she was only 6 weeks. As she grows, I know it will get better for me mentally! I also started working out, and do a lot of cooking and blogging that really helps 😃

I've been a stay at home mom going on 4 years now and it is better that you stay home with your kids because you are able to get them where they need to be and prepare them for school. I homeschooled my kids and it works out perfect because everything you teach them they can show at school.

Plus i don't plan on starting my career until i am able to enroll my 1 year old into school.

Reading this post was like if I wrote it. You are not alone. I’m in the same boat. Stay strong and positive that this time you have with your baby is so precious and you will only get this time once. Good luck.

I feel ya!

I hear ya. My son is almost 16 mos, and I was surprised by my reluctance to hand him over to anyone else at 3mos. We also determined that financially it actually more sense for me to stay home. So, while it is a blessing, I’m still getting used to it, or resisting it ;) I had finally found a job I felt really good abt and could make a difference, then BAM! Preggo. Just trying to trust the process and give myself permission to enjoy being home. Let’s be honest, though - being a sahm is challenging on so many levels.

I’m really grateful to be a stay at home mom. It’s not something I ever thought of for my future but now it seems so natural. I’m looking forward to going back to work in 2 years once I graduate. But until then I’m enjoying being home during their formative years. It won’t be forever

I look at older women who were sahm and whose kids have grown into adults. They feel lonely now, uninteresting, and like they have no skills to go back into the workforce. Make a plan for yourself and go for it. If it’s sahm then go for it and make a plan for what you would want to do when kids go to college or earlier. If it’s not sahm then own your life and set yourself up for success with proper childcare, drop off/pickup schedules, etc.

I had a sitter for my daughters. Then, out of nowhere, my sitter had to move and wasn't able to watch the girls anymore. Couldn't find affordable childcare, had to quit my job, and now I've been a FT mom for almost 3 years. Now I'm a FT student as well. My husband has done an amazing job at keeping us financially stable. But man do I miss being able to leave the house every day. LOL Make sure your BF knows how important it is for you to be able to have time for yourself to just be you and not mom.

Try it for a year and see how that works for you. The first year has all the great milestones. By then you will see, with my son he turned 1 and a half when I started work again it was pretty great.

I just became a sahm on purpose and I’m still feeling just like you.

I say make the best of both worlds. It’s great to stay home with your little but it’s also great to have your own identity and something to do/have for yourself. Have you thought about working from home?

Jealous!!! I’d love to stay home but the grass is always greener isn’t it? You have to do what’s right for you and your family. If you’re not going to be happy home full time then go to work! My daughter is thriving in daycare, I miss her dearly though. If you can work part time that may be the best of both worlds?

Its going to be diffcult at first if you decide to remain a SAHM! Ive officially become a SAHM those past year since having my second child. With my oldest I worked so much I missed everything first everything steps, word, laugh, favorite food,etc!! I hated myself for that. I've been working since I was 15 so to ever think about stopping wasnt in my vocabulary. Until I got together with my SO now it all changed. I was able to stay home and be more invovled in my daughters life. Havent missed a beat yet. With gods grace I became pregnant! Now I am able to experience everything I missed out on. Your best bet to enjoy it is find hobbies you always wanted to do and remember you can still work from home. Childcare or doing crafts and selling them.

Theres always the opportunity to work from home hun. Theres plenty of companies out there. X