in Sex and Relationships with Railey Molinario

Feeling "stuck" in my relationship

I feel like I'd lost all love for my partner as soon as I was pregnant and his true colours started to shine. He's a lovely guy deep down but he's just not caring or affectionate at all. He's Spanish and he blames everything on his culture. I'm sick of him comparing me to his mum too. I've been sick recently with a chest infection and fever. I'm anaemic too so it's wiped me out. I still did all house work like hoovering washing etc. Just not the kitchen and I didnt start dinner at the usual time. When he came home, the first thing he did was have a go at me for the kitchen and dinner. He said his mum would still have dinner on the table even if she was ill, and that she was never this ill so he can't see why I am. He never puts his arm around me or hugs me unless I ask. He never tells me I look nice if I've made an effort when we go out. I was a SAHM for the first 18 months of motherhood. It was agony for me, I was all alone and had ppd. I was waiting for him to come home every night and he never helped because he'd been innwork and didn't think he should have to do anything in the house. Now we both work and hes only just realising how hard it is. And that's with both of us here and our boy is in nursery. There's always a reason why he has it harder. I get so jealous seeing other relationships and it makes me think I've made a massive mistake but I feel so stuck here. We have a lovely house, pets, jobs here, our boy loves his nursery. I could never afford a house like this on my own. Has anyone else had the same?

Show your support

I'm so sorry for what you are going through. I pray for everything to turn out for your good.

@Keisha Valdez thank you! It feels better just being able to vent about it!

I can say Spanish men are difficult. The way they are raised is the females do everything and the guy nothing other then work and the “hard manly things” smh it’s annoying. I’m Spanish myself and my husband and We are trying to get out of those roles, just hard cause the man and women roles are Super imprinted in the Spanish culture.

@Sara definitely! I've tried so hard to compromise, after all, I married him, I married his culture. But I feel like there no compromise from him to learn what's important to me too

Communication is key girl. It really is. Talk with him (out of the house). Really get things out in the open about how you feel. I don’t feel you are stuck. This may just be a bump that you two as a family need to pull together and jump over it.

@Zuleika we've tried couples therapy, everytjing! I try and invite him for date nights, try do nice things inside the house, nothings ever good enough there's always something to complain at or always something "better" he could be using the time for. It's like talking to a brick wall! Everything just goes back to what his mum would do "well my mum was fine with my dad doing this"... etc!

I believe you can work through this. Channel your energy somewhere else for the time being. Maybe stop trying so hard and see if he notices (now this is just me).

I'd be saying well good for your mother but I'm not your mom and I'm not here to wipe ur backside so here's the hoover and mop and crack on cos that's what my dad did 😂😂

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