What about me

I need to vent; it’s 2am, I’m awake with a busy mind and one of my girls has cried out so I’m waiting to see if she needs me. I feel under appreciated, I feel over worked (full time mum to two kids aged 3 and almost 11 months). I am constantly making lists about things that I need to do or remember to do. Like what are we going to eat for the week?! I finished cleaning the kitchen at 8:30pm last night while my husband laid on the sofa. He’s just had a 3 day weekend… Cleaning the kitchen is not an option for me. It needs to be done and I’m the only one doing it. It grates on me that my husband is tired so doesn’t want to clean. But anything he doesn’t want to do, automatically falls to me to do. I feel like his mother, not his wife. He spent 4 hours outside on Saturday, cleaning his cars and stuff. We then had an argument about how he didn’t clean my car, but noticed that it needed doing. But also he didn’t want to watch our girls so that I could go and do it myself. I rarely get an hour to myself, let alone 4! I don’t think my self care could be any lower on the lists of priorities. And now lack of self care is the norm. I used to stress about shaving my armpits! Now I’m lucky if I’d shaved. Which I think says it all. With my lack of self care goes my libido. But hey, he wants to moan about how I didn’t sexually gratify him for cleaning my car after we’ve argued about it!? He works hard throughout the week, I know that. I’m not knocking him for that, I appreciate him for that. And the irony of it is, if he had got up and cleaned the kitchen, I would’ve told him to sit down and leave it for me to do. But the lack of wanting to do it, just irritates me?! Go figure! I don’t love my postpartum body, I would love to lose some weight, but who’s got time or energy for that when i’m busy sorting everything and everyone else. And I am annoyed at his mother, for not teaching him to do his own god damn laundry, make/change the beds. I could go on, you get the picture. You probably feel the same. It is a lot. Way more than I could foresee. Now I’ve got that off my chest, I’d like to go back to sleep now, but I probably need to make some more lists about something 😂 #whataboutme