last week

Should I have her stay or leave?

Once finding out that I was having twins, my mother insisted upon her and my dad flying out for a month to help us get situated. We didn’t have the space for her to stay with us, but we paid for an Airbnb nearby and were happy for the help. Initially, we were very grateful, as I had a really rough delivery and was completely bedridden for the first few days (hemorrhaging 4x, requiring 5 transfusions, and developing a hematoma in my Abdominal wall). Now, though, she’s not being as helpful as I would expect someone to be. She’ll come over to hold the babies and help with feedings, but what we really need is help with housework- laundry, cooking, cleaning pump parts, etc. Given one baby was in the Nicu for several days and I’m both breastfeeding and pumping/supplementing, I’m doing something related to feeding 2 out of every 3 hours. She’ll help with housework but only if I specifically ask every single time, like hey can you clean this, put that away, etc. I’m growing tired of having to explain the same set of things that need to be done. Also, it’s not fun for me having to repeatedly ask for things. Yesterday she came over, and wanted to hold the baby (who was sleeping and would have been fine to put down). In frustration, my husband told Her to put down the baby and start helping clean pump parts. She went ballistic, basically threatened to leave because I don’t let her hold them enough. She says she feels like hired help because I keep asking her to do things. I talked her down from a ledge but now im tempted to send her home anyway- im still recovering, and while another set of hands is helpful, it’s clear she’s there for her benefit and not to help us. But then I feel selfish for asking for the help with housework. (She also called me selfish, which I didn’t take too kindly to.) What would you guys do?
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3 days ago

Thanks everyone for the input. The boundary we are about to draw is that she’s here to help with housework, and that she can hold the babies only when we tell her to pick them up. And that we expect her to listen when we say out them down. If she doesn’t agree, then we will send her home

4 days ago

SEND HER HOME !!! she shouldn’t be getting upset cuz your asking her to help around I mean that’s the whole point right especially since you’ve had a rough recovery

4 days ago

Send her home. I'm guessing dad is doing squat too. They gotta go. You went thru a very traumatic birth and for her to be acting like that is insane. And ur paying her airbnb. I would of went off on her honestly

4 days ago

She's the one that insisted on flying out so she could help. You didn't ask her to do that. Holding babies is not the help you need after everything you went through. You are most definitely not selfish for asking her to help around the house, that's the whole point of her being there & if she expects you to pay for her accommodation so she can just sit and hold babies then she can fly back home & you can use that money to hire a cleaner instead. I get it, it's her grandchildren & they will never be this little again BUT she can cherish these moments once she's helped with housework. You won't get this time back either & it shouldn't be wasted on being stressed because of her. It takes a while to recover after having a straightforward delivery but you went through extra trauma & she needs to remember that. You are her child & your health should be her priority. You & your husband need to tell her to either act like a mother that gives a crap & actually help or go home & do NOT feel guilty for saying it!!!

5 days ago

Tell her bye for now. You don’t need this stress rn

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