If you have the funds available I would probably hire a cleaner for a couple of hours a week so you don't have to worry about that. Triple feeding one baby is hard enough, let alone two! If I was still paying for your parents accomodation, I'd probably just explain that you need that money for other things now (i.e. cleaner 😅). Has the month that they were planning to stay finished yet? I also wonder if she might help you by doing some batch cooking to freeze and use whenever? We batch cook a LOT to save time in daily food prep. Or if it's something you'd considered doing yourself? We normally do one big batch cook a week in the weekend so partner is there to help.xx
You do not need “help” holding the baby and it’s not a valid excuse for her to fly over for a month. We all know what help means and so does she. She needs to HELP by doing tasks you specifically need assistance for. If she wanted to come and bond with the babies, she should have said so and asked transparently.You are not selfish for wanting her to deliver on what she promised, she is getting a free air bnb and should have compassion to help her child who just delivered twins.
Send her home! It’s probably best for your own mental health and your relationship with both babies and your mum too x
Send her home 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️ she’s no “help” & you could use that money to hire someone to actually clean lol
Send her home! She came to hold babies and not help. She’s held the baby and seen them which is fine. But you paying for her Airbnb so she can hold your baby is a No Go! and I would tell her that.
Have you tried talking to her about the routine you want for the baby such as being put down to nap and if she would like to help it would be great if she could support you doing that. Then lead into other areas that would be useful. Although if you have done this already and you still don’t think it has helped I’d either ask her to go home or if the accommodation is already paid for‘transition’ seeing her less by setting times for her to come over. Then this might give you both a bit of space before she heads home.
Tell her bye for now. You don’t need this stress rn
She's the one that insisted on flying out so she could help. You didn't ask her to do that. Holding babies is not the help you need after everything you went through. You are most definitely not selfish for asking her to help around the house, that's the whole point of her being there & if she expects you to pay for her accommodation so she can just sit and hold babies then she can fly back home & you can use that money to hire a cleaner instead. I get it, it's her grandchildren & they will never be this little again BUT she can cherish these moments once she's helped with housework. You won't get this time back either & it shouldn't be wasted on being stressed because of her. It takes a while to recover after having a straightforward delivery but you went through extra trauma & she needs to remember that. You are her child & your health should be her priority. You & your husband need to tell her to either act like a mother that gives a crap & actually help or go home & do NOT feel guilty for saying it!!!
Thanks everyone for the input. The boundary we are about to draw is that she’s here to help with housework, and that she can hold the babies only when we tell her to pick them up. And that we expect her to listen when we say out them down. If she doesn’t agree, then we will send her home
SEND HER HOME lol but no fr if that’s what you need her to do and she doesn’t want to then i would kindly explain that to her and then ask her to go home. At the end of the day, you need to be as stress free as you can and if doing things yourself or putting things off vs having to ask her then you are better off that way.