in Sex and Relationships with Railey Molinario

Feeling Guilty

My partner and I just recently found out we’re pregnant and I feel so sad. It wasn’t planned and very unexpected. We also have an 11 month old which I was happy to give all my attention to for now. We wanted to have an other baby but looks like it’s happened sooner than expected. I had things planned that I wanted to do before an other pregnancy. My relationship is rocky all over the place, I hardly get help as it is and do a lot of my own and over all I just don’t enjoy pregnancy. If I could have the baby without the pregnancy I would. Pregnancy is just so long. It’s only early days but my mood is awful, I’m so tired I’m snapping and just argue all the time because of the way I react to situations. I’m worried I won’t bond with the baby or will be resentful at the pregnancy because of how I’m feeling which makes me even more sad because this is always something I’ve wanted so for me to feel like this is awful. (I’m so exhausted physically and mentally am I’m sick and have been for a while before I found out) so maybe because of all that is why I’m feeling like this and will pass when I feel better? I just need to know things will get better and its okay and normal to feel like this. Anyone else ? Any advice ? X

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Oh I’m sorry you’re going through all this it’s no fun to feel bad about something this massive! If it makes you feel better, I’m Having a hard time adjusting to having a new baby (6 weeks pregnant w a 20mo old) and it was planned. I’m just so sad he won’t be my only one and I’ll have to split time and attention and that breaks my heart. So I think totally normal. Give it time for the hormones to regulate and for you to wrap your mind around it. As for the support from your partner that is definitely something you’ll need to sort out before baby arrives. I’ve heard, with the first it’s tough on the mom but the 2nd is harder on dad because he has to shoulder more work and can’t just default to mom all the time. But the good news is you have the whole pregnancy to work on that! I recommend finding a therapist and going with your husband (hopefully he’ll be open) to really build your connection so you work as a team. Wishing you the best. Another baby is a beautiful thing.

Allow yourself all the feels. Sometimes the best way to get through it is to really go through it and allow yourself enough time to process. Take time doing things you like to do and get some me time in when you can. Just because you’re a mom and pregnant, doesn’t mean you have to sacrifice your humanity and yourself. You will care more if you’re also taken care of. You can’t serve from an empty platter. Also, look for supportive people. Surround yourself with positivity and people who tell you that you can do this and are willing to help you. I guarantee that they’re out there. We are all on this app because we need friends. There is a positive community waiting to help you out.

@Michelle I feel guilty as I too feel guilty it’s just not my little one anymore but to know I’m giving my little one a sibling to that makes it worth it. I defo think my hormones are all over the place so that doesn’t helps my thought process. My partner is supportive don’t get me wrong, he has the best intentions but I sometimes get too defensive and that’s where the issues are 🤣 and vice versa. We are both stubborn. I’m hoping when the times comes everything will just fall into place, since we both know how to be parents we will quickly adjust. Thank you. All the best for you x

@Courtney yes I’m hoping as the days go on and when I’m feeling better and had a good sleep and it sinks in a bit more I’ll have a clearing head space. I’ll be working on my self and trying to keep on top of everything and prioritising having ‘me time’ and resting helpfully that will help x