Birth story

I had my baby 3/5 at 6:40pm I do have to say my birth story was quite traumatizing to me. I was scheduled for induction on 3/3 due to high risk pregnancy. Everything seemed ok throughout my pregnancy. On 3/2 I had an NST which showed elevated blood pressure I was sent to L&D. I had signs of preeclampsia but every time I went to my OB my BP was normal so nothing was done. It all started with them trying to co tell my BP so I was placed on a higher dose of magnesium drip. They stated I would not be able to get up so they placed a urinary catheter it was so uncomfortable. I was given an oral medication to help soften my cervix. After 12 hours from my first oral dose they placed a balloon to help me dilate and tugged it to apply pressure it was so uncomfortable and painful. I spent all Saturday in discomfort. At 4cm dilated I received the epidural which I could not feel anything right away. At this point I felt so bad from the magnesium I could not keep my eyes open felt so drugged ect. On Sunday morning I’m finally fully dilated and they ask me to begin to push. 5 hours later they stated they noticed the effort but no changes on the position of the baby. While pushing I could not feel anything from my legs down or stay awake for the life of me because of the magnesium. I kept telling the Dr when she would come in and check I can’t mentally do this I keep knocking out and I don’t feel like I can push properly it’s been 5 hours. Back and forth and we go for a c section. I have a bad reaction to the additional meds for the surgery my baby is born and I could not hold my baby that evening. I was then wheeled back to my room still in L&D because of all the medications. 10 minutes later I tell the nurse I don’t feel good I’m dizzy she says it’s the medication. I say no I don’t feel good please. Checks my blood pressure it’s dropped to 60/70. She looks down lifts my sheets I am hemorrhaging she calls in a code. About 15 ppl working on me for over an hour to get me blood products keep my pressure from dropping they begin packing my uterus inserting a balloon to apply pressure meanwhile trying to get additional IV Cathers. Meanwhile I stare at my fiancé who’s so scared and my baby who I still haven’t met while I am getting yelled at “stay with us”. They manage to control everything. I ended up in so much pain lack of pain management from my nurses who just wanted to keep me on Tylenol. I ended up being swollen 2-3x my size all cover my body could not walk for days. And so much in between. I have been crying every time it crosses my mind I’ve had nightmares and do not want to know anything about any births because I’m mentally not ok. My baby is everything but not being able to hold him for the first day of his life took a toll on me. I felt robbed from all the natural things that come from birthing including breast feeding. I am sad because I wanted additional kids as this is my first but mentally I am a mess. Best advice I can give is do ur research and advocate for yourself