Asked when she met me for the first time about grandkids. Well, not asked me about, she asked FOR grandkids.
Showed up unannounced while I was at SOs apartment. Walked herself in, with 3 others, without being invited in. My clothes were in the living room, I was trapped, naked, inside the bedroom. They see my clothes and ask if I'm there. What a way to make it awkward for everyone.
When I told her No in response to her asking for my birthday information she turned to my SO who then had a meeting in front of me about all of our dates, like my birthday and our anniversary, we were together only 2 ish months at the time.
The second time I met her she points the words "graaaaaaandbabiiiiiiiiies" at me while talking to her sister. So she was talking about her son railing me raw at 3-4 months of being together so she can have a grandbaby.
Forces hugs on me when I'm very obviously uncomfortable.
I stopped going around once Covid hit. Dec 2020 I got pregnant. During that she;
Told everyone about the pregnancy before we could. Within 2 minutes of her knowing she walked herself to her kitchen table, got her phone and started tapping away.
Called all the time (never called so much before). She would try to gather information about baby that we weren't ready to give out yet or hadn't even decided yet. Such as,
"Have you picked a name?"
'No, mom. Not yet. We're thinking still.'
"Any you're leaning towards?"
'No, we're still thinking'
"Anything you like?"
'There are a few were considering but nothing permanent yet'
"So no name?"
'No we don't have a name yet'
"What are you considering?"
That was the conversation between my SO and his mom. Now, you may be thinking "Your SO has a right to talk to his mother you know" and you're totally right. 100%. However she NEVER called before pregnancy and while I was pregnant she seized a lot of our moments with her frequent calls weather they were answered or not. She also was unnecessarily persistent with trying to get info we werent ready to give.
Especially when it came to the registry. We BARELY had time to comprehend the pregnancy and she's already asking for a registry. She was so persistent in asking for it and in our lives I had a pregnant hormonal breakdown the last time she asked about the registry.
Then my gender reveal came. I didn't invite his parents because in all honesty I just didn't want them there. So I didn't. When we went to her house to reveal the gender she wouldn't shut up long enough for us to say it "Your dress is blue, it's a boy!" , "Your socks are pink, it's a girl!" , "It's a girl isn't it?!" , "It's a boy, right?!" , "Oh tell me it's a girl!" , "I have a feeling it's a boy!" If you're annoyed reading that, imagine me hearing it. So we are finally able to tell her and we move on with life. During that same visit she says "I have to get a day bed for the spare room for when he comes over!" In my head I'm like "He's not but go wild" in addition, if he wants to sleep what's wrong with the couch? Not a darn thing.
After that It was almost time to deliver. She was croch watching hard. "Checking in!" more than usual even tho she never once asked ME how I was doing during pregnancy she ONLY asked SO. She did however text me to have me figure out the best Christmas gift she could get my SO. It was a petty thing to do but I told her a leather jacket and he hasn't worn it once. Lol. Okay moving on. Her "just checking in!" was starting to annoy the ever loving bejesus out of me. I was very strict that NO ONE knows I go into labor except my mom who will be tending to our pets. Well SO told her we were being induced (SOs fault, I know) but she took that and ran with it and was texting just "Checking in" while I was in labor.
Baby came and two weeks later when she met baby she;
• Waltzed in my front door announcing "We were gonna bring aunt and cousins but... blah blah blah" so she was going to invite other to people to my house without notification or asking.
• The first thing out of her mouth was "We were hoping to come over once or twice a month?" when she held my baby for the first time
• LOOOOOOONG overstayed her welcome by about 7 hours
• invited herself over the next day and did the same thing
• She constantly called my son "my baby".
• She never gave him back during the entire time she was here.
I hated her visit. My parents came over for half an hour and left once we got home with baby. Why couldn't she do that? During that same visit she tried to force me and baby to go to town with her, SOs dad and SO. His parents drive a lifted 4 door truck. Post C Section, hopping in and out of the truck repeatedly, walking around multiple stores, didn't sound like fun. I said me and baby will stay home. She then tried to convince me to go for about 15 minutes. She wouldn't take no for an answer.
She also wouldn't stop asking us to leave our baby with her, 1½ hours away, so she can babysit while we have a date night. She asked every single time she came, every time she was on the phone, every time she texted. She was obsessed with us having 'time to ourselves' and 'date night' so we'd have any reason to leave baby with her. In one visit she literally asked over 20 times. No joke. I counted and everything. I told her "We won't be leaving him anywhere for awhile" and she finally stopped/gave up.
Over the next twice/once monthly visits she;
• Asked me to teach her to sew so she could spend more time in my house
• Introduced my son as "my baby" to family members in front of me (at her mom's funeral services so I couldn't correct her without looking like an ass)
• Tried to guilt trip us repeatedly saying "Oh his big cousins can't wait to meet him! they ask about him all the time!" They never asked. At least not a single person reached out to us.
• Makes passive aggressive remarks about my mom and her level of time with baby because my mom lives on our road. (spoiler: my mom doesn't bother us as much as she does!)
• Asked me 4 my nths postpartum if she's still getting a football team out of me
• Tried to make an announcement in my living room that safe sex is important while holding my baby
• Tries to decorate my house, everything she gives is always an item that has to be displayed. It's never displayed.
• Always asks tons of questions about my family that is none of her business such as property ownership.
• Ignored my family and me at my son's first birthday party
• Tells everyone everything
This is all BEC stuff. I just had to get it out. I hate her visits and if anyone can offer advice on how to navigate this relationship because it seems she's not going anywhere.
I would clarify the consequence and make them progressively more harsh each time she crosses the boundary. You literally have to treat them like children unfortunately