Open mind for this one ladies - Mistakes keep happening
So I never thought it would be me writing for advice but here I am.
My partner and I have been together 4 years, I’m 27 weeks pregnant now and literally have no idea what to do.
To give context, before we found out I was pregnant we want to spice things up, I’m bisexual and I have never had a theeesome so we was openly on dating apps and had agreed rules that all communication came through me and we both had log ins to the pages we were on looking to date and have fun with another woman.
A week before I found out I was pregnant, I had discovered he had purchased knickers from a model on onlyfans, (panties is his thing, some may find it wierd but it’s always been an open fetish of ours and I never had a problem that he found my knickers a turn on. Obv as long as they are mine) so I confronted him, he lied at first then a week later I got it out of him. I had also discovered he had broken the rules and had been messaging a couple of girls without my knowledge and had downloaded and signed up for a threesome website without my consent. He had sent my sexy photos to another woman again without my knowledge or consent. We found out I was pregnant and I decided to forgive and move on.
A few months later I had discovered messages between him and another girl who he had found on his dating site and also discovered more sites he had signed up for without my permission. He had exchanged secret messages between another couple too. Again I could understand I trusted him too much, called the whole dating thing off and forgave him again.
After a perfect few months of regaining trust, I had discovered last night (after he had said he deleted everything all apps etc) that he had an only fans account again and had purchased a video from a model on there and exchanged two messages (nothing sexual but not the point)
I am currently not working as I have a disability that has taken a downturn since I have become pregnant so I rely on him, he owns his own business so to be honest, I don’t need to work but I will want to go back to work after baby is here because I am extremely independent (I was kicked out when I was 17 and have always had my own private rented place, a good career and met him through work) so to add, I also don’t have any family, I don’t speak to my parents as they are toxic abusers. What do I do? His cheating doesn’t involve meeting anyone but I still class this as cheating, lying and deception. Do I forgive once again or do I leave? Get a council house and try and start a new life before baby is due at the beginning of June? Again I don’t have anyone I can go and stay with as I would take a few days away in a heart beat, I don’t mind paying for a hotel to get away a few nights to clear my head. But wanted to stress that I have no friends or family to turn too or stay with or ask for advice.
He is a good man, he treats me well (meaning day to day respectful and very gentleman like) obviously I wouldn’t say this is treating me well. He provides everything I want and need, he is generous etc we live in a mortgage free home and he bought me a £25k car. I have no worries to be honest, but I am usually a woman who stands there ground, takes no crap and says it how it is. However I know not every relationship is perfect, I love him, I just hate that he keeps betraying my trust with only fans and porn women. I don’t know what to do and whether these three occasions are enough to walk away or would I be making a mistake? My head says leave this man, he won’t change because this is the 3rd or 4th time something like this has happened, however I do also understand I probably trusted him too much when we was openly dating other women and he had access to these apps. I don’t know, any help would be much appreciated.
I'm so sorry he's treating you like this. Personally, knowing what I know now, having just got out of a 20 year emotionally abusive relationship, I would leave. It's emotional abuse. He's choosing to do what he does and then he brings on the tears when he's caught. That's not a mistake or something he thought wouldn't upset you. He knows his actions will hurt you and overstep your boundaries but he chooses to do it anyway. Plus, not even once or twice but over and over. His tears and apologies are emotional abuse. You've told him, once more and it's over, so you have to respect yourself enough to walk away. Abuse is 100% choice and there is NEVER an excuse for it. I understand it's difficult without any family (I'm in the exact same position due to toxic parents and siblings) but you can rebuild your life. Always here if you want to chat.