Open mind for this one ladies - Mistakes keep happening

I'm sorry you are going through this. I personally would leave him as he has shown you who he is and I really don't think he will change, best of luck lovely

So sorry to hear you’re going through this. It’s so good you’ve been brave and reached out to get advice. It’s a difficult situation because he’s been used to being in a fairly open relationship with you from the start, your boundaries have been a little blurred because you’ve also wanted an open relationship and to experiment too. That’s all well and good until there’s a child in the mix but also the fact you’re pregnant you’ve probably done a huge amount of parental growing up in your own mind compared to him so you’re no longer on the same page. When you speak to him about it what does he say? Is he dismissive of you? I think you have to work out in your own mind if deep down he loves you enough to be 100% focussed on you. And you have to work out if you truly think you can trust this man. he may splash the cash but at the end of the day it’s not about money when it comes to your heart and messing with it. You’re worth so much more! It would be easy for me to say he may…

Buck up his ideas and when he sees te baby for the first time he may change his attitude and it may be the wake up call he’s needed. But if he’s not making the change now for you while you are in need of the support while you are pregnant then I would say it’s a very immature way of being on his part. It doesn’t sound like he’s ready to be committed completely to you x

I think if you decide to stay your basically deciding to accept that he does this. It’s upto you if you can deal with that. Sending pics of you without your knowledge is highly deceptive and you can report him for it

@Dionne I have no work colleagues as I don’t work! I don’t have a job and always worked in a very sales oriented sector that’s each man out for themselves so never made friends. I understand what you’ve said. Thank you for your opinion, he wasn’t like this at the start, it was only in year 3 of our relationship did we consider a threesome and went on a date with another woman once but nothing came of it. He’s very apologetic and says everything you want to hear. He is very remorseful and I think that makes it worse because he’s so sorry & almost submissive so I end up forgiving him. It’s hard because the relationship is perfect at all times until I discover something. He says he wants to change and wants help, I have said I want to do counselling & he’s said yes, what ever it takes but we have never done it. I just feel trapped and feel pathetic as normally I would say to anyone else leave him, he won’t change but when it’s your own heart & I don’t want a broken family. IDK what to do!

@Jo he’s 45 and no kids prior to me, he’s so excited and wants this more than anything yet his actions say otherwise. Like I’ve said he’s perfect in every way any other time. But I don’t know if I’m now arguing his corner backing him up. Thank you for commenting your opinion though, it all helps xx

@Jo when I speak to him about it, he’s very sorry, very submissive very dog licking wound type. He cries and says he does love me, he’s stupid, he doesn’t know why he’s doing it, begs me not to leave him and says he is a good man. So it makes it hard because he acts all sorry and I do believe he is sorry! Like I said it’s not in person, it’s just his sexual urges and resisting things like only fans that he has always had in previous relationships. He’s never hid the fact he’s had access to these sites in previous relationships so he’s honest. But I’ve told him one more time and I’m gone, and low and behold he had been on onlyfans again..

How many chances does he need? So I’ve been in a a similar situation where I’m bi and was open to This one day and my partner spoke to a woman about potentially doing the same thing behind my back. We agreed it would be my terms. Anywayyyy when I found out I was so angry. I forgave him after breaking up with him but I told him next time we are done. I mean it. If I say that I’m gonna be so stupid to forgive when I said we are done. I also now don’t feel comfortable with a 3some with him because fuck that. He fucked up. My trust was gone .And he’s totally ok with that. People will do what you allow them. I would never allow 3 chances with this now it’s straight disrespect and selfishness

@Kelly yes I agree with what you’ve said. I did tell him sending my pics I could actually take him to court. He just cried and said he understood and was sorry. Obviously when we was speaking to women on the apps through me which was the rules, we would jointly send photos of us but again he broke the rules and sent my pics without my knowledge to a couple I didn’t know about, and wouldn’t have known about it I didn’t find it. Xx

So sorry you’re in this situation! I don’t look down on people with open relationships, but this is why I really have a hard time wrapping my head around it. I just feel like it always opens up a can of worms and never ends well. I don’t have advice, but I hope you find a happy ending to this ❤️

@AmyRuth yes we said screw the threesome idea, it was silly and said it made him so off the rails because it’s not something he thought he would ever have the chance of doing. I agreed and that was that. But it’s the only fans that’s grating on me, he knew I was pregnant, he knew we was on the straight and narrow now we are becoming parents, and then I find he’s got an account, not done much on it but not the point. Thank you for commenting, it’s nice to hear ( well not nice that it’s happened to you to) but nice to hear someone in a similar situation to me xx

@Brittany thank you for commenting ♥️ xxx

That’s what happened to my man too he got so excited over the threesome he messed up lol and yes the only fans thing is crazy and it’s such a relationship killer why does he need that? It’s for single people. Maybe have a serious talk and set the last boundaries because at this point you either accept it or set boundaries and if broken you need to leave so he can see how serious it is

When someone shows you their true colours, believe them the first time x

I don’t meant to sound rude in saying this but…Does he think because he takes care of things I.e mortgage paid, nice car etc and you not working he can continue to get away with it because he thinks that you can’t do it alone? (If this makes sense). So basically ‘oh she’ll forgive me again because I can provide this I can provide that etc’). Like it’s a hold over you? And again not to sound rude but he’s gotten away with it a few times who’s to say he doesn’t think that he can continue to keep saying sorry and then doing it again. Do you think he is actually remorseful or it’s just an act now? Sorry again if this doesn’t make sense, sleep regression and teething has caused lack of sleep the last few weeks 😂😂 x

Yea no fuck that.

I’d leave him, he’s clearly not sorry, he’s sorry he got caught.

I believe him when he says he's sorry and feels bad for his actions....BUT I also believe he will not change at least not without doing the work. He needs to get into counseling and deal with these issues. If you were not pregnant my advice would be to leave. Instead my advice is to have him get therapy and togethet get couples counseling ASAP. If it becomes clear that you can't rebuild trust or don't want to then you need to leave....but you will at least be able to look at your child and know you did everything possible.

He has some sort of porn addiction, he needs professional help.

I'm so sorry he's treating you like this. Personally, knowing what I know now, having just got out of a 20 year emotionally abusive relationship, I would leave. It's emotional abuse. He's choosing to do what he does and then he brings on the tears when he's caught. That's not a mistake or something he thought wouldn't upset you. He knows his actions will hurt you and overstep your boundaries but he chooses to do it anyway. Plus, not even once or twice but over and over. His tears and apologies are emotional abuse. You've told him, once more and it's over, so you have to respect yourself enough to walk away. Abuse is 100% choice and there is NEVER an excuse for it. I understand it's difficult without any family (I'm in the exact same position due to toxic parents and siblings) but you can rebuild your life. Always here if you want to chat.