MIL Drama

😭 I am so torn on how to react. My daughters father and I are not together but his mother has done everything for us since finding out about our child - when she was 3 weeks old. He is active in her life but his mother acts like she’s known us forever. Two weeks ago was my daughters 1st birthday and she completely ruined it for me. I told her I was upset but not ready to talk (in effort to not say something I’ll regret) and she’s been so passive aggressive and manipulative towards me since. I knew she “could” be like this - baby’s dad has always told me these things years before my child was born but I’ve never experienced it and didn’t think it would come this quick. Basically she’s a control freak and perfectionist. I am a party planner - specifically for children - and planned my girls birthday for months. Never asked her for a thing but she volunteered to do food. This is a woman who cooks a feast weekly for Sunday dinner so the task was not out of her abilities. She didn’t do a single thing I asked and did everything the way she wanted while also complaining she “would never do it again” I have since found out that when she greeted my family at the door before we arrived and they complimented all my hard work she expressed how she “couldn’t wait for the day to be over with already” ???? Why be so hateful on such a special day. When we took photos with family during the party, as it was her turn she grabbed my child from me and said “I don’t need you in the photo” while shooing me away!!! I’m so bothered by this and don’t want to pick a fight but her negativity is all consuming and I’d like it to be worked on so my child is not exposed to it as she grows. I’ve had family like this when I was young and it’s very hurtful. You never feel good enough for them. I’ve joking told her what a bully she is on many occasions while sticking up for my child’s father but I worry that she won’t take my concerns seriously and things will take a drastic turn. They aren’t communicators and she has already tried picking my baby up twice without me now instead of having a conversation - my child has never stayed out without me. This is eating me alive. I am such a forward person I don’t know how to handle passive aggressive people like this.

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2 months ago

I would approach it directly since that’s your style and she seems to be an active and from what it sounds like good grandma aside from the passiveness towards u. Put ur foot down as ur child’s mother and creat boundaries now, also thank her for what she’s done and let her know that it’s important ur daughter has her family in her life and sees those healthy dynamics

2 months ago

Correct her when she is wrong? Pull her to the side and speak to her behavior and if she doesn’t start doing better in respecting you as her grandchildren mother then she can expect to see less of them

2 months ago

If you were already warned about her then it’s a what did you expect situation. She’s not going to change so your gonna have to take her with a pinch of salt and not let her bother you

2 months ago

I’ve had stood firm over text for the last two weeks in letting her know I will talk and come around when ready. Dad agrees and is just as upset about the party but he does not know any different than her so has the “that’s just who she is, you’re wasting your time” attitude about me addressing it. We plan on going over tomorrow so I can get it over this but hopefully she is receptive to my concerns. A control freak is no match for my bullhead and firm expectations for my child. I just hate that this has to happen at all

2 months ago

I'm sorry but tell her exactly how you feel and don't hold back. It's a respectful but direct way to get her to understand you won't tolerate it anymore. You also need to get with dad to set strict and firm boundaries! She sounds like a piece of work!

2 months ago

Lay down the law. No hiding. Tell her how it is. She can either respect your boundaries and apologize for her disrespect or she isn’t allowed around your baby. Don’t let her think she can bulldoze you, don’t let her think this will blow over. Hold her accountable.