My husbands spank bank

Girl!!!! You are not over reacting at all that whole video thing about him, sending it to him so is crossing a lot of boundaries. I totally understand where you’re coming from. I wouldn’t allow it that’s just me because if I had some thing like that, I’m sure my significant would be so upset.

That’s stuff my ex husband used to do. So disrespectful. Not only that. I felt like I could never have my friends around him, ‘cause I worried he would be a creep. Spank bank of porn stars and stuff, is one thing. Pics of his ex and your friends (or people you know in general) is another. This is something I wouldn’t be able to get out of my head after finding out. I would feel like he’s constantly thinking of other people after that. Idk, what to say really. Either he talks to a professional about it and fixes the problem or he’s out. That’s what I would do, honestly.

@Mila I agree with you. Dude sounds like a pig. 🤮

End it please & anyone that tells you to stay gives no fucks about you. That is beyond disrespectful and like Mila said , it’s another thing when it comes to the people you know in general . You guys already talked it out and all he had to say was “sorry, I’m not perfect” No shit Sherlock ! No one’s perfect but disrespect has nun to do with perfect . Hell putting bleach on colored clothes while washing..ok I get it everyone makes mistakes , no one’s perfect ..BUT THE WHOLE FRIEND VIDEO AND EX STUFF IS A NO NO ! Pure disgusting & disrespectful.

The ex pictures should have vanished when the ex did. That definitely shows he still has feelings there. Not only is that creepy, it's incredibly disrespectful to you! And the thing about your friend... That's really creepy. Did he say he's not perfect as an excuse to KEEP said material? Or will he get rid of it? Is he willing to seek therapy? Because these actions aren't red flags, honey. They're red ROAD CLOSED DO NOT ENTER signs...

I would definitely be upset about the content in his “spank bank”. It’s hurtful and pig-like, however, I can’t say I haven’t fantasized about previous flings. Do I ever tell my husband or put it in a “spank bank”? No. That’s completely unnecessary. But the thoughts come up sometimes when a random celebrity isn’t cutting it. Anyway, I’d tell him that he crossed a line airdropping the video of your friends boobs and putting it in there. It’s disrespectful to her and to you. I’d also tell him that the pictures of his ex hurt your feelings and that he needs to prioritize you over some weird necessity to have those tucked away. They need to go bye bye. In my opinion, he needs to validate your feelings and take accountability for what he did and how he hurt you. Saying sorry is a shit apology. Sorry for what?!

That’s also weird behavior on his end. Your friend? He doesn’t have boundaries when it comes to fantasy because real people do not count. Keeping pics of his ex may not mean he had feelings, but he’s definitely still attracted to her.

Wtf…….I’m shocked. Girl I’m so sorry he’s a PIG. That’s all soooooo disrespectful, I don’t even know where to start

I’d be mad

I think if I was your pal, I’d be pretty mortified that he was using what I thought was a cute friendly video of me for that. It’s genuinely a bit creepy. The good news is that you don’t have to have the awkwardness of “you’ve been through my phone” when he’s obviously been through yours to get that vid! The ex stuff is a bit less weird, but still not great and ESPECIALLY if you have already communicated insecurities about her to him.

UPDATE: yall, he literally said that he just disassociates when he gets off and he literally doesn’t see the issue with him getting off to his ex or to my friends. He is gaslighting the fuck out of me. I honestly can’t tell if it’s on purpose or if he’s fucking stupid.

That's the dumbest excuse I've ever heard.

At this point I don’t know what to do. I told him he needs to go to therapy for this and he agreed but he still doesn’t think what he’s doing is wrong. Even though I’ve explicitly told him not to get off to my friends. All he said was “sorry I’ve done these deplorable acts. sorry I disrespected you. It was wrong and creepy and perverted. I don’t mean to hurt you in this way”. He said that alone was enough for taking accountability but it still doesn’t feel like enough. He’s kinda like, well you’re choosing to stay so get over it. If we didn’t have a kid, I’d leave. No question.

You staying doesn't mean he's off the hook. I'd let him know this is a make or break thing. He gets therapy and STOPS this behavior that disturbs you so much, or you'll find someone who will actually respect you and not try to gaslight you to get out of it. His choice.

Start a spank bank of his bff and your hot exes too. Never heard of this spank bank business. His chosen obsessions are weird and wrong.

Even if you have a kid…. How can you stay with someone like that? I’m sorry but that’s wild. He’s masturbating to HIS EX AND YOUR FRIEND. are you seeing how bad that is? Sorry but he’s right that you’re choosing to stay so what more should he say? You’re going to stay anyway. Listen. He will do what you let him do. He doesn’t see a problem so he will do it again. You’re ignoring all the red flags girl.

You need to leave. He’s showing your kid how to treat someone they love. Leave him.

Staying for a kid is even more of a reason to leave. 2 parents don’t make a happy home, happy parents do

Girl run 🏃‍♀️ and get way from this. What he is doing to you is so disrespectful on so many levels. For him to airdrop a video of your friend boobs is 🤮. No disrespect, but your husband is creep and a nasty ass pig. Divorce him and find you someone else

@Fennella agree

@Lav I never heard of it either. But I agree with you

I had too look up what was a Spank bank and omg .

@Monét Totally agree that staying because of the kids doesn’t equate to happiness. I’m not really staying for the sake of my son living in the house with both his parents. It’s more about how much more of a financial, mental, physical, emotional struggle it will be because I have my son. My husband is a shit partner sometimes, but he’s never been a shit father. He works during the day and I work from home and stay at home with our son. He does bath/bedtime almost every night. He also gets up with him in the mornings 4 or 5 days out of the week. On his off days, he takes care of our son so I can work in peace or go out with friends. If we didn’t have our son, none of that would come into play, thus making leaving easier.

@AmyRuth I am seeing how bad it is. That’s why I’m incognito reaching out for support. He was gaslighting me when he said I was choosing to stay. That’s not a healthy stance to take. I’m not choosing to stay because I want to be hurt. I feel like that would be obvious to most women who’ve been in long term relationships. There are a multitude of reasons wives stay with their husbands. The world is so mean to women, let’s choose to be more supportive rather than insinuate that I deserve this hurt, or any of the sort. I appreciate your input.

Honey. Please do yourself a favor. Please leave him. All the pros are not worth your mental health being at risk.

It is ultimately up to you. Just know what you’re accepting and allowing by staying with him.

Girrlll!!! He’s a walking red flag. If any of your girlfriends give him a chance, he’ll go for it. That’s mad disrespectful.

@Lav gurl, that’s what am talking About 🤣😂😂. Serve him his own tea

I understand. @incognito . The group is marriage help so I’m sure a lot of us are in long term relationships but as the comments are saying it’s not something you can just look past! There’s a lot I’m sure some of us have and are willing to forgive. But masturbating to nudes of an ex on his “spank bank” and your friends is completely disrespectful and yeah creepy/ pervy they have no clue their friends husband is doing that it’s completely out of line. He isn’t remorseful by his apology and I’m just saying you should take all that into account. Staying is only fuelling the behaviour. At least leave for a while to scare him into changing - but while you are just there next to him forgiving him for everything he’s doing why should he change? Just something to think about

@Lav totally agree with this! Give him a taste of his own medicine. He will see the issue then …

@Brina Right so disrespectful