My husband is annoying tf out of me while bottling our son

I’m not sure if it applies to bottle feeding in general or just formula but you can over feed. Robbie likely slows down for a reason, my daughter often needs to catch her breath 😅. I think how you approach it is better because you’re able to gauge more accurately when he’s actually done vs momentarily pausing. I’d bring it up to the NP without mentioning your husband specifically, because you’re genuinely curious of the answer. Like “how do we best re-engage feeding without risking over feeding or tummy issues? Robbie pauses often, so here are things we’ve tried (describe what you both do) - are these all okay to do?” For what it’s worth, it would drive me crazy too… even if NP says it’s okay 😂

@Erica we do a pretty good job of making sure that we're not force feeding him. When he's actually done he's falling asleep, pushing the bottle out of his mouth, letting his mouth go slack etc, and my husband knows those cues. It's when Robbie's taking a break/self pacing that hubs feels the need to fuck around with that bottle in and around Robbie's mouth. I feel like that would cause issues with feeding and confusion, but I guess I could be wrong? Am I being overly cautious or do I have a solid case to present to our visit tomorrow?

I’m probably your husband in this scenario. I say give him grace but you can definitely mention something to your doc without making him feel like shit. Our kids are much older and my patience is a little thinned over the years. I try my best but it’s hard for anyone who isn’t the most patient.

@Laura oh gotcha! I don’t know if it’d cause issues but it’s worth bringing it up if it brings you peace of mind - maybe it feels weird because you wouldn’t really do excessive movements with nursing. I bug our pediatrician over all sorts of things despite feeling ridiculous for asking. I’m curious of the answer, if you decide to ask. I currently nurse but will go to bottles once I’m back to work.

@Laura yaaaaa I would definitely have a talk with the pediatrician and your husband. Babies need a minute to catch their breath when they’re bottled because unlike a nipple bottles don’t stop their flow. So if you don’t give a baby a break then you can easily make them choke. It happened to us one time when she first took a bottle and she choked and stopped breathing for a minute ish. Terrified us. But now we know to give her frequent breaks. Your husband needs to listen to you. But I totally get the “he’s fine” comments because that’s how my husband is with holding her neck to support her 🥴

@Hanna it's so annoying!! If anything, like, how would YOU like it if you had to rely on someone to feed you, and they kept messing with you like that? With a spoon, or whatever otherwise. He's an infant, but that doesn't mean that that still doesn't make him uncomfortable, or that he's ENJOYING it. Smh.

@Kirsten I do uphold that within regards to my husband, to the extent that he's literally never cared for a baby until now. He held ONE other baby, when he was 16. So I try to give him some grace, but it's at a point where I'm going to give a tongue lashing. Like he wouldn't do this crap while feeding Robbie in the hospital, would he? And we've been doing this for 2 months now? Like come on, you're an adult man, and this is an infant child. It's time to start practicing patience.

@Erica for me it's how excessive, and just plain obnoxious it is to do that to a baby...it doesn't make him feed faster or take in more milk, you (hubs) are doing absolutely nothing beneficial, even if harmless. I'll give an update after I do some sleuthing and see what the NP says today

I don’t understand why if you’ve already spoken to him about it he keeps doing it. How irritating. With that said Im sure your baby is fine and it really isn’t doing too much harm- but it definitely seems annoying lol probably just gives him hiccups or irritates him while he’s trying to eat. I wouldn’t bring it up at the doctors I would just try to have a more serious talk with him about it without nagging or just take over all feedings if it really is bugging you that much. Men learn by consequences and actions- he would wake up if you just literally took over all the feedings lol

@Laura being honest, it can take a lot for people who have only been worried about themselves to exhibit patience to their child. It’s all new for him and definitely something more instinctive for you. I’ve had really bad PPD and have just now become a bit more patient with our 5 week old. As mentioned, we have older kids (10 & 11) and for the life of me, i just felt like I could not get into the newborn stages and I semi think it’s because our kids have reached the stage of higher independence where we can tell them to clean or make their own meals or even stay at home while we run to the store. I know you’re frustrated but men can suffer with postpartum emotions too and have trouble. I honestly don’t think he’s doing it deliberately to annoy or upset you. Sending love!

@Erica the NP didn't really directly answer me...I used your tactic, I gave her indirect context (not specifying my husband's antics, but I did tell her that we were advised to do minimal things to keep him engaged at the hospital, which is true), and asked her how much is too much manipulation while bottle feeding. And she said "If he's done eating, he's done, no matter the amount" and gave us examples. I haven't been around to see if my husband's stopped or not, but I overheard him lovingly tell our son to shut up (another major annoyance, that I have addressed before, and yet...) so I'm sure that he's still doing it.

@Laura thanks so much for circling back! My husband did that a few times early on when he got frustrated. We nipped it in the butt quickly but now he’ll loudly over-talk her crying thinking it will get her to calm down *sigh*. Dads try, but sometimes suck in their approach lol.

My fiance does the same thing 😐