Let's eradicate this archaic notion that caring for children is just the woman’s job. 🙅‍♀️⁠

Agreed, it is so sad that many men refuse to contribute to their families beyond financially. I do consider myself very lucky to have my husband and I try to praise/thank him for what he does for our family, just like he praises/thanks me for what I do!

Absolutely! If anything in the case of my husband and i, my husband is somewhat better in some aspects than I am because he would babysit his niece a lot when she was a baby and toddler so he already has some experience whereas I have no prior experience.

I agree that chores should be something they do, but I disagree that they shouldn’t be thanked for it. You can’t expect anyone to continue to put forth effort when you don’t express appreciation for that effort. If we as moms complain about not getting thanked, then turn around and say you won’t thank your husband for contributing to the house bc it’s “his job”??? That doesn’t sit right with me. My husband does things around the house as well as work, and I thank him every day for it. He thanks me for being our child’s primary caregiver and taking care of the house while he works. Appreciation goes both ways.

Aghh and its so hard to break the cycle

so why is it whenever my BD says “i gave him some porridge and a bottle” i feel the need to thank him?😩 he’s always looking for appraisal

Maybe we should just encourage everyone to thank everyone? Replace “man” and “father” with “woman” and “mother” and you have outrage. How can we ever expect men to step up when we act like this when they do what they should do? I’d be discouraged, too.

@McKenna EXACTLY! If he responded with “well that’s your job” every time you did the dishes, it would be infuriating. So why do we do that to them? It doesn’t make sense. It’s okay to show appreciation for your husbands efforts

I personally feel frustrated when my partner looks to me for praise for " doing things". And I can't explain it. I don't know why it makes me so irrate or why I'm like this. Lol. But yeah. I don't feel like I should be thanking him for things he would be doing if I weren't around anyway? Am I the asshole here? Do I need to change my perspective?

@Kiirsty is it really that hard to just say “thank you” after he does something? Like what if he treated you like that? What if you took out the trash and he was just like “okay that’s your job, you’d do it anyways if you were alone” would that be okay with you? What if he never thanked you or appreciated you? If he doesn’t, maybe that’s where your irritation comes from. Maybe you should sit down with him and have a talk about mutual appreciation for what you both do to contribute.

@Jaymie i understand your POV however what if the father never says thank you every time YOU do something like changing a nappy or feeding the baby? we’re meant to because we’re the mother, but they’re also meant to because they’re the father. it should be 50:50 but it’s not and i don’t think in most households it ever will be

@Jaymie its not that it’s hard, but with time it entitles that this isn’t their job and they are just “helping”, I personally experienced that

@Jaymie thank you for your response! I think it's not that it's hard for me to say thank you so much that I think it is just a case that he prompts the thanks out of me. Like give me a chance to be grateful. Lol 😂 I think that's where it stems from. And I do thank him even tho he prompts it and we've defo spoken about it at length but somehow it just irks me to no end. He defo is a firm believer that it is "my job" to be the primary caregiver and home maker and that's fine. But it's weird to me that everything he does he just needs to be praised? I dunno lol.

@Holly I understand that too, it can be hard to show appreciation when you’re never appreciated. But if that’s a problem, you should sit down with your partner and really have a discussion about it. If we start thanking our partners for things they do, they might just start doing it back. Someone just has to be the one to bring it up and start making a change. And I’m not saying it has to be EVERY time. My husband doesn’t thank me every single time I change a diaper, and that’s fine. But every once in a while, he’ll just tell me how appreciative he is of everything I do, and vice versa. Sometimes if he picks up a chore I usually do, I tell him thank you. I understand not praising and falling over yourself to thank them EVERY single time. But a show of thanks and appreciation every so often for general contribution to the house is needed. For both sides.

@Jaymie it would be lovely to be appreciated but i don’t think most mothers feel it. and it’s really sad, i’m in that boat and i wish i could get off and join a boat where the daddies tell you how thankful they are and lucky they and the children are to have the mummy. it’s very heartbreaking to do absolutely everything PLUS tidy up after a man child and not get so much as a thank you😩

Idk. My husband thanks me all the time for making it possible for him to work 50+ hours a week by being a sahm. I think showing appreciation is nice.

@Jaymie agree 100%. but i think this post comes from the disproportionate amount of praise men appear to get for often doing very little.

I recommend the fair play method! (Described in the book Fair Play by Eve Rodsky). It’s definitely a process, but reading this book with my husband has helped with the division of labor in the house.

@Kiirsty I can definitely understand it being annoying if he’s prompting a thank you. Especially every time. That would annoy me too lol

Parenthood can be praised man or women! Both of you are doing great!!!

@Jaymie i know right? It's just strange that he asks to be thanked even when I've said "don't ask to be thanked honey. Let me thank you in my time." Lol. But if it's not immediately he's like a dog waiting for you to throw a ball. It's so weird and drives me mad 😂 it's nice to feel appreciated and I don't want him to feel like I don't care. But at the same time, allow people to be thankful instead of expecting to be thanked constantly lol. 😂

I praise my husband for being helpful because he does it back. If he was ungrateful and not happy with what I do around the house then I could see how it would be disrespectful… but it’s a team effort and it feels good to be encouraged when you are putting in the effort!

How's about we just stop hating on men for god sakes seriously is it really all that hard to just say thank you! 🤦‍♀️ I say thank you to my partner all the time cus I appreciate what he does and he does to same to me he's says thank you as well cus we both appreciate each other and a little bit of appreciation goes a long way don't you think? Surely thats what we all want is to be appreciated so why is showing appreciation to a loved one so bad?

A very toxic cycle. How would we feel if the same sentiment was applied to mothers.

@Kelly some men don’t say thank you that’s what this post is about

My husband thanks me constantly for these things. Why wouldn't I do the same for him.

Yeah- this post is too aggressive. My hubby gives me all the kudos and appreciation for the things I do. No matter how little it is. I appreciate him and express my gratitude whenever it strikes me. I thank him when he dose the meals, the dishes, the trash, changing our kid, spending weekend mornings with him. All the basic father things. He comes home for work and thanks me for taking care of our boy, thanks me for doing dishes, cooking, putting so much energy into my family. We both have a high respect and love for who we are in each other's lives and appreciate eachother at every step of the way. I thank him for the sacrifice he makes on earning for our home and being away from where he wants to be most, with his family. He thanks me for being an equal provider to the home and supporting us through thick and thin. It's just how things are. This is what happens when you choose to have a life with a mature person.

This drives me mad!! Men praised for parenting their own children

Well, in my house the gratitude goes both ways. I don't have to be an amazing mom and he don't have to bee an amazing dad. But by golly he sure makes sure I know he appreciates all my hard work. And I do the same for him. So yeah, he is supposed to do all that and he does and I'm grateful.

Let's just say if u get a man who does all of that and also provide for his family that's a blessing

How do we know if they do enough when you don’t have much to compare it to? Xx

My husband is amazing and helps with everything. Makes me sad for women that don’t have that.

I completely agree with this!

Unfortunately many women don’t have a partner they can share parenting duties, household responsibilities, and financial responsibilities with. I’m in the USA and it’s still very disproportionally women child rearing and doing anything that’s considered domestic “housewife” work. I don’t have paid maternity leave(most women don’t) even though I’m a teacher. I’m on leave right now with 0 FMLA leave, because I haven’t been employed the required 12mo to receive that with my school. My school doesn’t pay the 2 wks paid maternity leave till you’ve been employed for 2 school years. This Buzzfeed post sums it up for many women across the USA. https://www.buzzfeed.com/amatullahshaw/parenting-double-standards

This article also doesn’t give me much hope for future generations of men either. https://nypost.com/2022/05/07/millennial-men-want-1950s-housewives-after-they-have-kids/

Here’s another one https://www.upworthy.com/mom-breaks-down-daddy-privilege-in-a-viral-tiktok

I’m all for praising people when necessary, but men shouldn’t need praising ever.single.time like they’re a toddler. So many men and their mothers expect that for their sons.

oh of course I thank my husband, he works a full time shift and manage to help me whenever he can while I am on a 1 year mat leave … so yeah I thank him for every little attention and help I can get.

Be a team.. Thats all that matters ❤️

I mean thanking each other is not a bad thing, at all. But if the husband helps with these things and thinks he’s “doing you a favor cuz it’s the moms job so he should be thanked” then yes that’s a huge problem

Gratitude and the like go both ways in our home matter or big or small the task may be! We chose, as a collective, to be parents ...we choose this every day, so praise is needed and much appreciated because these tiny little humans can be A LOT, lbvvs!!!! 🏆💕

Very true.

I kind of disagree even if my husband does do it I should still thank him because I appreciate him! Husbands thrive on recognition.

My fiancé wants me to thank him for the things he should be doing as a parent. I don’t get that in return

@Katie some men call spending time with THEIR OWN kids babysitting like what???

I’m very grateful for what my husband does and he’s grateful for me too. We’re never both on top of our to do lists but we appreciate what each other has managed to do. When we decided to have a family we agreed on gender roles where I am mainly responsible for childcare, cooking and cleaning and he works and does outside stuff, looks after the cars. He helps with my things too when I fall behind. And he’s always happy to parent our boy too!

WOW YESSSS! REALLY AMAZING!

My husband and I don't thank each other for taking care of our son. Its both our jobs and a team effort most of the time. Now negotiating sleeping arrangements, thats a battle 🫠

777

@Ellie yes, and I wish it wasn’t true. You can basically read at least 1 post on here daily where a mother is talking about the father referring to “babysitting his kids” or “watching the kids” instead of taking care of his children or being a dad. It’s not a favor to raise your own children 🤦🏽‍♀️.

Imagine if a man said “I’m not ‘lucky’ to have a woman who nurtures her own child. You don’t reward a fish for swimming.”