Maybe I’m ungrateful.. but I’m just sad
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Buy him flowers for his birthday, Father’s Day and Christmas too! I personally don’t like flowers as a gift either…and my husband knows that. With Amazon and the internet there’s no excuse especially if he asked for pictures. He’s just gaslighting you. Yeah, it may seem thoughtful to him but it ain’t about him.
@Mèlanie💕 I know that’s why I feel guilty feeling this way. But I’m a very thoughtful person. So it hurts when someone is gaslighting me into acting like it’s thoughtful and they tried when they didn’t . I would prefer nothing. I don’t need a man to buy me flowers. I buy it myself when I feel like it.
@Mèlanie💕 and I’m sorry no one said happy Mother’s Day. We all deserve so much more than just a phrase and flowers to be truly honest.
@Yajaira yes I feel gaslighted… every time. I rather nothing. I don’t even like flowers at all. I usually give it away.
@Raina yeah we are just very different. My love language is acts of service for sure.. so it’s not even buying anything but even like hey I planned the day out in advance. I tell him just don’t waste money on that stuff. It’s a waste for me. I am not grateful and he does it over and over. Like brainwashed by movies or something. You know what I would take.. sleep. Sleeping in!!!!!!! That’s 100x more thoughtful and free
@Yajaira omg and now he’s vacuuming and he will brag about being so great. You know what’s great.. helping a bit each day… :(
Get him cheap flowers and a cheap card for Father’s Day, see how he feels 🤔
My man is not good at gifts either, which is okay. His love languages are words of affirmation and acts of service - and with those demonstrates love and affection everyday. For gift seasons I build an Amazon cart and tell him to get me something from there. I know it's not super romantic, but I get what I want or if I need something specific. Usually he buys the whole cart, so it works for me.
Your husband bought you flowers. I gave my husband all the tools and 100 dollars to spend for mothers day and you know what he did? Spent it on himself instead. At least your husband is trying! Maybe have a sit down conversation and explain to him you are unhappy woth the flowers and that what you want is time spent together.
Im sorry you are going through this- how hurtful of your partner to treat you like this. I’m not sure why people are telling you to be grateful here just because they have had it worse when you have been hurt by your partner’s actions. You shouldn’t be grateful for someone telling you they are too busy to buy you a Christmas present!? That’s horrible. The fact that you’ve told him not to waste money on flowers before and have even done some of the mental load telling him what you would like (when asked), so organising your own gift and he still doesn’t bother speaks volumes. Christmas is the same time each year- he isn’t busy 365 days a year 😂. What a disrespectful excuse. This seems to be his level of effort so you should probably just match it for occasions for him and then make sure you plan something nice to do on days that matter to you. Your feelings and happiness is important. Get yourself something nice.🥰
I'd be annoyed too, especially when you go above and beyond for special occasions. Use the money you intend on using for fathers day, his birthday and his christmas presents and go get yourself something nice
You've got to squash this somehow. This is obviously making you unhappy and he is not getting it. It might be a fight but better than suffering in silence. Side note, this is my first Mother's Day with a baby (also have a stepchild). Our bank account is frozen and my husband told me on Friday that because we can't access money then we can't celebrate Mother's Day on Sunday and he will find another time maybe next weekend (which is probably not going to happen). He also left the kitchen a mess last night because he made himself hamburger helper. And he's asleep still. The only thing he did was pick a flower outside and stick it in a cup on the counter. No notes, no kisses, no cleaning, no breakfast in bed, no taking the baby so I can shower.... All of that is free and thoughtful. And you know the one thing I actually asked for? Pictures of me and the baby because I never have any. Sucks!
You have nothing to feel guilty about. There was no real thought put into his “gifts” it sounds like he got them entirely for his own personal feeling of satisfaction, to be able to say what a great partner he is that he got you a beautiful bouquet and card. I would totally feel disappointed as well if every holiday it were the same excuse and same bouquet over and over too.
I think a lot of people are missing the point in this post , this is why people don’t speak up about things. I’m sorry you are dealing with this constantly being repetitive and it falling on deaf ears, he should make more effort , these are days he knows are coming , he could order something and keep it in the house for months till the day arrives. Is he feels like he’s being forced to spend time or feels like he is in jail , release him hun let him go do whatever is more important and you spend time with your kids , sometimes constantly chasing someone who doesn’t want to be caught is exhausting . To those who say they never receive anything or even a phone-call, I’m sorry you deserve love and attention too but please don’t try to cover someone else’s experiences because you feel like you are in a worse situation.
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I’m not sure if you’ve ever heard of the five languages of love. But the concept is that everyone receives and gives love in different ways. For some people gifts is a way they express and feel loved. Other people like physical touch or time together etc. Maybe your husband is just not a gifts person and doesn’t really understand how important they are to you. I know personally I dislike giving or receiving gifts and holidays make me anxious for this reason.
I don’t think you’re being ungrateful at all! This sounds exactly like how my partner was. He would exclusively buy me “they will do” flowers for my birthday (he didn’t even bother with Christmas presents for me) and he would also buy and write my card that morning. This happened for 3 birthdays on the trot, I felt very undervalued. I calmly explained to him that I didn’t want him to buy me flowers anymore as it was evident (and pretty offensive) how little thought had gone into it. I asked him to bake me a birthday cake instead from now on. He has really taken the conversation on board and he bakes me a cake every year now. I feel so much more valued. I would talk to your partner, like you said this isn’t about the gift itself - it’s about the time taken out of his day to think about you, it’s about it being important to him to make you feel loved and valued, it’s about not taking you for granted.
Also - I love the suggestions to just mirror his behaviour back to him. Just buy him flowers back!
Or don’t get him anything for Father’s Day and tell him “you just didn’t have time!” 🤷🏼♀️
I’m sorry, but yes I think you should be grateful, someone thought about you, too the time to go to the shop and pick you flowers. Some of us are out here with nothing, not even a “happy Mother’s Day” yet we do it all. If someone got me flowers whether they do it every year, I would be over the moon. The fact he even asked you for pictures, even though he got none of those things, means he did put some thought into it and his intentions were good.