I fell for the “I’m getting a divorce” story.

A year ago I started talking to an old High School friend whom I hadn’t talked too in years. He was super helpful through my mothers divorce, helped her move out, and get away from her abusive ex. While I was living in a city hours away with a newborn. He reached out to talk since he was going through a divorce. During this time my partner and I were going through a breakup/break since I was struggling with my mental health. I was struggling with my self worth and shortly after I had an ADHD diagnosis. I was trying to find a medication that worked and he wasn’t the most supportive. He even canceled our wedding because he felt as if he didn’t know who I was anymore. I felt really alone. This old friend told me of his wife’s infidelity and affair she had, and used me as a crutch to get through it all. I also talked to him about my feelings, and the fact that I felt super unsupported in my relationship. He kept saying that his wife was living out of state for work, and was avoiding coming home or working on their marriage after having an affair with someone from her hometown. So they decided to divorce… The same week we started talking he was an emergency responder on my grandfathers car accident, and sat with my family in the ER for hours. Held my mother as she cried, would go back and get updates and bring them out to us. About three weeks later him and I went out for wine and ended up getting tipsy and sleeping together in the back of his work vehicle. We both agreed that we needed to stop talking to each other since we were leaning on each other too much in the wrong ways. Flash forward a month later and he called me to tell me that his wife was pregnant, and that they in fact weren’t getting divorced. That it wasn’t ever going to happen but he was only thinking about it. He lied to me about filing divorce papers, and that his wife was working out of state. He told me that she likely got pregnant the same night we had a one night stand…I don’t even know if she even ever had an affair…. I feel disgusting, and completely repulsed by myself. I fell for the classic “I’m getting a divorce”story. About a week after he called me and confessed his *sins* his wife followed me on every social media platform and ever since she is the first to see my “stories” every single day. Right now my partner and I are back together,. We are thriving, and happy. We went through weeks of counseling and worked through the mental health diagnoses together. During counseling I learned of my partners porn addiction, and his small internet relationships/conversations with other woman. I almost felt relieved by this as I felt as if I let our relationship down by this one night stand I had while we were separated. My partner doesn’t know about the situation and I feel as if I have to keep it that way since it could potentially break up a marriage. Not just that but this man could lose his job, and a job that provides for his family. It could ruin his chances of success and I feel as if I owe him for what he did for my mother. I am living with the most difficult guilt, and it’s sending me into a deep depression. I feel as if I’m the worst human to ever walk this planet. I feel horrible about sleeping with a married man, and being the “homewrecker” . I just don’t know how to over come this guilt, or sorrow I’m feeling. I just need advice on how to overcome this feeling. How to forgive myself and move on… support since everywhere I turn to look it’s always blaming the “other” woman. I understand my part in this and am holding myself accountable but I feel as if it’s not helping me move on. So please be kind. Even if I don’t deserve it..