When does this get easier.

This is more me just getting thoughts off my chest but thought some of you may relate. I wanted my baby so much. She’s a rainbow baby following a miscarriage which absolutely ruined me. I don’t think I’m the same person since that happened. There’s definitely undealt trauma there which I’m starting to explore through therapy. But I’m not enjoying parenthood. There are moments of course I enjoy. Times I feel so lucky. Memories I’ve enjoyed making. But on the whole, I’m not enjoying it. I don’t like being shocked awake multiple times a night by screaming and then lying awake in anxiety wondering if she’s going to scream all night. Or not being able to eat without being hassled. Or having to get up at 5.30 am after a night of broken sleep and feeling exhausted. Having my evenings shrouded with anxiety about the night to come. Hating my body and not having the time or energy to do anything about it. Missing the relationship I had with my husband before. Feeling intense guilt at being away for even an hour. Having zero confidence in my abilities as a mum. Feeling judged by society and not feeling good enough. I hate it. I want the old me back but I don’t even know who she is anymore. I know everything I’ve just described is just “being a mum.” But I’m struggling with it. I don’t like it. WHEN does it get even a little easier?
Share Mobile
  • Share

Show your support

Hey, so firstly parenting is hard! And I feel alot of guilt your holding is because as your rainbow baby you perhaps feel you should love every minute. But truthfully, it's absolutely IMPOSSIBLE. I don't care if anyone claims that they love every second of parenthood, because, you're lying! It flips your world upside down. I have this conversation often with my cousin, children I feel are like someone is trying to test every nerve in your body until you crack. Some of the things my eldest does, my lord! I want to put him in the bin 🤣🤣 Michele Obama does a great talk on parenting and actually describes children as terrorists and she isn't wrong! But in all of this there will be a time when this all passes and you have a child who doesn't want or need you as much. So I always say in those moments you csn be grateful even if you've had a terrible day and you've cried and shouted and not been everything you expected to be. Kiss them, tell them you love them, hug them tight and just breathe. Xx

When my son started sleeping through it was LIFE CHANGING, things will get better hun. Tiredness makes everything worse. Can you get help with the sleep from a consultant or something? It will get better eventually but this doesn’t sound like it’s sustainable for you xx

@Jodie I just can’t even consider there’s a time when it’s not as hard as this because I don’t even feel I’m going to make it there some days. I’m just so exhausted.

@Lizzi she’s had maybe five nights where she’s slept through and she’s 14 months now. We’ve looked into sleep consultants but we just don’t have the funds, plus we’ve already tried gentle sleep training with minimal success. Every night is so different.

The sleep thing is SO hard. My March 2022 baby has still never slept through the night, we’ve had maybe 3 or 4 nights of 4-5 hours in his whole life. It’s utterly soul destroying and I feel that the lack of sleep makes everything so much harder. Is there any way you could get a bit more sleep i.e. could a partner help or have the baby from say 10pm-12am or 4-6am each night so you know that you’ve definitely got a few hours of sleep to rely on each day (this is what has saved me). Also it sounds like maybe you need an hour or a couple of hours by yourself, going out to a shop or having a bath. Have you got anyone who could help you? A partner or friend or a daycare? Motherhood is soooo hard, try to give yourself some credit for getting this far already- think of what you’ve got through! You’re so strong! ❤️

I highly recommend this online sleep course, there’s a couple of methods you can try depending on how you feel. It took us about a week of persisting, including some long nights where we had to persist with the methods in the middle of the night which was very hard/testing but it was really worth it and paid off - our son now sleeps soundly in his cot from 7-7 with no disturbances in the night (previously had to be rocked to sleep and ended up in our bed every night!) and it does feel life changing to be able to get that sleep back 🙏🏻 https://justchillbabysleep.co.uk/our-courses/sleep-success-10-18-months/

Read more on Peanut
Trending in our community