Is this selfish of me?
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Tbh if my mum said anything like that to my husband I would be livid. His own mum ok but not mine. If my father in law tried to tell me how to live my life I would also have been rude to him. I agree that he should be saving but that is a private matter between you and him not your mum as well. I would probably moan to my mum about it but she would not have the audacity to say anything to him.
Absolutely get that it would come across as the interfering MIL. He’s probably thought of it was a concern why has he got to hear about it from your mum when he felt in that baby bubble with you! Think give him afresh sit down and talk about plans for saving and sourcing bubs stuff in a couple weeks! Can you imagine how spun out you’d feel hearing something first from his mum? Girlies chat, that’s no dig! But maybe ask your mum to mention something if you have and you’re not getting through but not otherwise! I get she was just trying to help but sounds like a lot of unnecessary stress for you when you really don’t need it! Good luck sugs!
I've learnt that parents should share/ voice concerns to their child, rather than go to the in-law directly. It could be a knock to his sense of 'manhood' even if what your mum is saying makes complete sense. It sounds like he's being defensive because he isn't saving, but he needs to feel like he's doing it one step at a time. He does though need to take you into consideration, and try to take a step back from the situation to move forward
I don’t think your mum should have said anything if it hadn’t come from yourself first. You should work out money together as a team, not everyone has the same view on money and lots of people don’t even save or buy the abundance of things we are told to get until the baby is here and needs them. I would say take it as both of the your emotions are running high and it’s a stressful time. My in laws have really got to me in my time and my relationship flourishes whilst they mind their business. Calling you names etc is out of order but you may not realise how much pressure the man feels deep down to provide and hearing things through your mum may have tipped it over the edge. My advice is always just keep your business between yourself and both agree to take parents with a pinch of salt! Not worth losing the father of your child over but totally a great time to define some boundaries for you guys as a new family unit and how you want to manage finances and communication.
I do think he is very out of order in this. Your mum is trying to help and look out for both you and her grandchild. If he disagrees with your mum he has no right to be rude about her or to you. Babies are expensive and he is being very immature if he won’t work on saving for the babies arrival. Do you have the key purchases yet like a pram, car seat, crib, clothes. If not then you should go shopping together and get them in advance and then you won’t be left in the lurch if the baby does come early. Personally I think being a single mother is preferable to being in a bad relationship but only you can weigh up his good and bad points.
Just trust it and enjoy your relationship . Everything will work out for the best . 💚 Poppa will do his duties for you and baby have no fear .
If he (and his family) are not naturally 'savers' maybe he has some mental blockers with this? People view money very differently. It never helps when a family member (however well meaning) is the one to raise private things. Maybe it would be more beneficial for you to say wipe the slate clean - say that it is a personal concern of yours and you would feel more comfortable looking at your combined budgets and working out how you can make savings together - cutting out unnecessary subscriptions, reducing take aways etc. Then it is less about telling him what to do but how you can save together. Come up with some solutions that you can help with so he doesn't feel it's all about him? As comments say above - it's about trust and that you are raising and preparing for this baby together.
@Sade No your right I don’t realise I’m parenting him sometimes rather than being by his side as his partner. I do trust him but we’re different in terms of I like to be prepared with a plan but he’s last minute and for some reason he always figures it out last minute so tbh he’s probably gonna sort it just not when I want him to which I guess I must accept. I just want things to be different now there’s a baby but I understand what you’re saying thank you!
If you trust him then trust him simple as that . Do what you need to ensure baby is good — just like you stress he does to . Let him be a man and figure it out . Be his partner not his parent . We as woman sometimes want our way or this or that — you gotta understand he has feelings and plans too . He didn’t just start handling business he has made it this far by doing what he needs to .
@Sade He definitely feels attacked but I’ve tried to explain she wasn’t attacking him she just needs him to realise he should be doing more. Which I agree with and every time I bring it up to him it’s “I’m gonna start saving when I get paid next month” I know what he’s like and he would do everything to make sure his child has everything but I’m just worried it’s gonna be too late by then. I’ve been told I might not carry full term so I don’t want him to leave it too late and neither does my mum. I wouldn’t say she stired the pot but I think he’s definitely taking it personally now it’s come from her
It seems like he feels attacked if it was important to you then you should’ve been asked . Seems like you trusted him w everything until your mom stirred the pot . If he is already taken care of things trust that he will continue to . If things have been great choose your battles —- you cannot let your parents opinion dictate your life
The question of is this selfish of me is because I don’t want to have to go through this alone without a partner. I understand woman do this but that wasn’t an option for me. This was not what I had planned or anticipated
@Sarah Can I make it very clear I said my partner told her he wasn’t saving and that’s when she said something. She would’ve never brought it up otherwise because she wasn’t aware but when he said something she’s entitled to say her opinion because he has now started a conversation about it. She’s not telling him how to live his life she’s advising him he should start saving for his baby. There’s nothing wrong with that at all because he should be. His own mother and father aren’t doing anything to make sure he’s doing what he needs to do to prepare to be a father so if my mum is having 1 conversations with him. That he started she’s not in the wrong.