If your husband pushed you out of the way to leave while pregnant?...
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@Aneayah yes, he just isn't very capable of having him alone. He gets angry and has yelled at him before, I got it on camera. That's what terrifies me about leaving and him getting custody, or him alone. He has to ask me "do you think I should change his diaper?", "do you think he's hungry?" Etc. When he wakes up at night to "help" he gets vocally frustrated at him "Just go to sleep, come on, whats wrong"
It is what it is. Just helping you have perspective as to how these situations can build up and I don't want you to have to experience that life. As someone who has and was the child in the situation with the mom wanting the father to be involved, it just may be best to create distance so that at least the view of the father to the child could have a chance of positivity. Maybe the day in and out is too much pressure on him and he'd be better as a weekend person
@Aneayah im so sorry! Thats horrible.
@Cory Exactly. My father was very abusive to the point that he taught himself how to hit and not leave a mark. He built an entire persona for when in front of people and was slick with the tongue when police was called so that he was never arrested. Now he does politics and I promise if any one of my siblings wrote a book, his life that he built would be ruined. I held him accountable behind closed doors, moved away, and haven't spoken to him in maybe 3 years. It's his own fault that he doesn't know I'm having his first grand child.
Me too. I have seen/ heard of women in the same situations leaving and finding the best men ever to be step fathers though and it gives me hope that there's someone out there who will love you/ your kid properly. It just takes thorough looking through red flags and not ignoring them/ thinking they're manageable or fixable. It's a tough spot to be in, especially without family help. I stayed with a friend and their family for a bit just to run away from home when things got bad with my dad and my mom was in denial, so if you have a friend that'll allow you to crash, that would be favorable as well
@Aneayah thank you so much for your perspective. It helps me alot. I see so many couples happy and handle things so much differently than we do with conflict and stuff. Gives me some home that I could find the right spouse for myself but unfortunately my ex was the same way! It makes me nervous.
Incognito, YOU are not going to ruin his life. It’s not wrong to hold someone accountable for their actions. If he is abusive and breaking the law, he should be held accountable and you should protect yourself and your child. Abusers are master manipulators, so never feel responsible for his actions.
Until he was born. I honestly hope that he will not message me at all about our baby simply because I don't want him around. I've completely lost respect for fathers in general and have support in my family which I'm grateful for. It's more difficult to be in the situation with a BOY like that, than to figure it out and find a better way of life. After what I've experienced, seeing the signs repeat itself, I'd rather be a single mother and allow my son to meet his dad later in life than in development stages
I come from a DV household and was shaken as a 1 month old baby/ put into Foster Care until I was a year old. I was returned to my birth family and withstood a lot of emotional abuse from my father and watched the abuse towards my mother escalate from yelling and throwing things to strangling, threatening to cut off fingers with a knife while pinning her down, battery in all ways, and even forced intimacy. To this day I believe my life would've been better if my mom just took me and left and allowed me the chance to meet my father later, around 16 years old or adult hood, rather than living day in and out and knowing him as a monster I've had to call the police on and also help regulate his emotions. I now have a baby boy on the way and the BD started showing the same signs after I broke up with him (not knowing I was pregnant). He and I haven't spoken since January and last thing he said is that he didn't want the baby and that he demanded to be on child support and wouldn't do anything for the child
@Cory I just don't want to ruin his life or relationship with our baby. He just has alot to work on. It has gotten alot better but I feel like he hides his true colors around me because we are on the brink of divorce.
@Scarlett thank you. I just think he isn't mature and ready for the responsibility yet. I feel like a single mom! I feel bad because he does help and love us but I can't keep living like this. I'm just unhappy
Yess police reports will always help!!
Www.glsp.org My mom is a lawyer there and runs the hotline. They can help you with your divorce depending on your county. Everything else they can point you in the right direction. Start documenting everything right now. Call the police when he’s breaking the law… it will help you in a custody battle.
I promise it will only get worse. My ex fiance was how you described in the beginning and it eventually got very physical and emotionally abusive and because I was gaslighted so much I also thought I was crazy and I was the one in the wrong. I ended up staying for 9 years and wasted all that time I could've been actually bettering myself. If family is not an option, you should look up some domestic violence shelters. They will help you get a job, find childcare, help with a place to stay, etc. I know what you mean by saying you want the dad to still be in the picture but try to understand that that's completely up to him. Does he deserve to be? Is he a good male role model you want your child looking up to? He has the power to be all of that, but it's on him, not you, so don't feel guilty about that. I'm so sorry you're going through all of this. Try to remember that when it's bad, it's really bad. And it will get worse
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My dad was almost was talking me out of it. He said "is it because of y'alls relationship or because he can't care for him" like I 100% want him in babies life but he is unpredictable and I don't know how to go about it safely. Unfortunately I mentally can't with my parents. Its tough. I'm being made to feel crazy or that I'm blowing it out of proportion. Like when things are good they are good but when they aren't, he is unpredictable and I get scared of what could happen.
Do you have family you could stay with? I stayed way too long in a relationship like that and I wish someone could have made me understand that he couldn't/ wouldn't change. If you have anyone that could possibly let you stay with them I highly recommend doing that. I know what you're going through and it's confusing and seriously damaging to your mental health. Domestic violence shelters would also be a good option. I wish you and your baby all the best ❤️
Madam. Look up your local domestic violence centers and call them. Tell your situation just as you've noted and they can give you an action plan. You are not in a safe environment for neither you or your baby and you both deserve better, especially since you're the main care giver and they often allow the victim and their children to be in a nondisclosed location and help with jobs and such. It will be difficult, but not impossible. You're not alone and I'm so proud of your strength to even reach out in this way. YOU GOT THIS, MAMA
That's exactly how my father shook me when I was a month old. My mom wasn't home for 3 days and he snapped. In Georgia, you're more likely to get custody since you're the mother and main care provider, so you should be fine when it comes to that. Also call around for free consultations with lawyers to make sure you'd know the possibilities instead of the fear keeping you in one place