@Janea Sorry what? I’m not owed any money for what? Like..as in I shouldn’t have money for myself at all, as a SAHM?
In my opinion one big thing that could help this whole situation is communication. The two of you need to sit down and talk about ALL of this. Both of you should be included in the finances even if he’s the only one working, because you do need to know how much you guys are going to have for groceries, etc. I would not say that you are entitled to an allowance for taking care of your kids and cleaning your space because that’s just your responsibility to do, but obviously if there’s some thing that you really need and you can’t work/he doesn’t want you to work then he needs to buy it but it seems like you guys are putting all of your finances towards the wrong things. Eating out and Hulu and Netflix. You guys really need to communicate and figure out a better way to save and spend your money. I wish you the best good luck!
This is hard for me because my husband and I have always been really open with our money. For the fact that we've never had extra so what we have we've always counted as ours and helped each other out. I understand that some people are secretive when it comes to their money but if he's the father of your children and you're trying to work together to have a life you need to know what's going on. You need to know what the budget is, where the money is going and what's left over -if there is anything. I understand sometimes there is nothing and debts have to fall to the wayside but if he does have money to help you that's what he should be doing. This shouldn't be a you stay at home and then have to beg me for money situation 🤦♀️
If you guys can’t afford don’t ask for me than that. Shop at a different store for groceries. You’re literally shopping at one of the most expensive stores. Buy a mini fridge and stop eating our everyday. And yes you’re the parent you’re not owed any money for that. If it was something else doing it they are getting paid for taking care of a kid that’s not theirs. He should also stop betting. And maybe cut some of the stuff like Hulu maybe pick one app to keep.
You two need to have a serious talk about finances and bills together but you ask for a higher “allowance “ . I’m a SAHM and my husband goes to work 5 days a week and I’m the one budgeting and planing our expenses. Some weeks we have “extra” money and other weeks we can only spare for his work fuel and a few groceries and formula. It’s all about planning and open communication together. You really should buy more groceries even if it’s stuff that quick and simple . Groceries will save you money . Hot dogs and Mac n cheese , spaghetti , frozen pizzas. Believe me I’m not a very good cook but there’s a dozen or so quick things I can do .
Eating out every day is really the worst part of your budget. Even if you replaced it a few times a week you can make a $100 weekly grocery haul last a week of dinners. I also live in NYC and save by going to Aldi first to get the essentials and then go to a stop and shop if they didn't have what I needed for a certain recipe. Target is convenient but that comes with an increase in price. I think the two of you really need to sit down and see where your monthly costs are going and if there're ways to help decrease it
@Alondra So I do want to learn to cook, bc our fam is hispanic and I get made fun of for not knowing. But he also kind of laughs when I tell him to buy groceries for me to cook because he says 1) i dont know how (there’s recipes duh) and 2) he says I cant handle it with the kids bc they’re clingy and won’t let me put them down for a second. So he just says no, but I also haven’t really put my foot down either bc then its a fight
@Ressa No, no rent but we do have small bills like hulu, netflix, etc. And we only order out once but again, it’s me, our eldest, my sister, and him if be works from home :/ I do wanna cook but it’s been complicated. You’re right, he prob doesn’t have enough left over. Also I’m not 100% on his salary but it’s something like that. He likes betting his money on sports and he buys the kids clothes and stuff and all they need, I just feel like I’m a little neglected. But maybe I’m asking for too much, again Idk bc he doesn’t keep me in the loop with his finances :/ Like I feel like if Imm gonna use your card and money, I should be aware of the budget and break down so I can understand.
We live with his parents . We got like a little pantry thing. I store my pots, pans , food , and plates in it . We have a fridge as well, but it’s in the garage. We use to eat out a lot because I felt uncomfortable. I decide not to because we need to pay bills and save. Diapers , wipes , and formula are expensive. She drinks the one without cow protein it’s even more expensive. I didn’t qualify for Foodstamps. I am a stay at home. I just got a job I work every other weekend on his days off . I want to help with bills and have money. He pays for everything . He doesn’t want me working . He gets me whatever I want . He’s always asking if I need anything . Honestly cooking at home saves us a lot . During the week when he works I stay at home . I do it so I don’t try to spend any money. He sends me money for coffee I love coffee. It’e like $25 for the week. The bills he pays are mostly mine. He had no debt when he met me. I feel like you should cook maybe he could help you with bills.
Does he pay rent ? Also 22$ an hr x40 is $880 a week before taxes after probably $750 If ordering food ONCE A DAY my cost 30$ a day if not more that’s over $200 a week which is $800 a month plus your allowance $200 a month . That alone is $1000 . And that’s only ordering 1 time a day. Diapers and wipes for 2 kids $200 a month Then add grocery money , car insurance, bills, rent if u have . He probably don’t have extra .
I understand where you're coming from as I'm in LEGIT the same situation. My husband makes 22/hour I'm a SAHM to twin boys BUT I don't get anything for allowance. We a lot $200 for groceries and that's it. We had to have my brother move it just to help with the bills.
@Chanel — a job, I actually miss working and interacting with adults. But I also have no degree, whilst he does, and I worked retail so that’s as far as my experience goes. I wanted to go back to school but no money and shitty schedule with the kids. And retail jobs have schedules all over the place so it’s been kinda hard to find a job accommodating. My last job before my first pregnancy I worked 4x a week part time 8hrs a day at $17.75/hr. Then COVID hit, and when I went back Sept of 2021 at a different retail company, they only accommodated me 2-3x a week, 4hrs a day, at $15/hr
@Chanel Sorry, hope I don’t sound rude, but I really wasn’t looking for luxuries. We also do not go out, haven’t been on a date in a year or two, and again, we still live with my parents. I should have also mentioned we live in NYC. I also did say I wanted a job, like I had one a year ago, but from the beginning it has always been me working around his schedule. Granted, I don’t trust anyone taking care of our kids, especially now that I have another infant, because I personally believe both sides of our family are toxic and push boundaries. But also regular childcare is super expensive, which is another reason why I stay at home. The eating out every week is McDs, BK, or some other fast food on my end, unless he’s home and wants something healthy. That food includes for me, my sister bc he feels bad and wants to be nice, and our son. So yeah um. I’m not trying to sound entitled $75? And I’m not just sitting around doing nothing and demanding money without wanting —
And if he’s not calling you lazy, it’s not fair to him to insinuate he thinks that, because majority of men DO think and say that. And no. He should NOT be paying YOU! 🤣 it’s your space, your child. Being an adult means taking care of your space and your child. ADHD is not a free pass to not do so. It’s not an excuse. Get on meds, find things that help you, and make yourself take care of your responsibilities. You’ve got a free ticket to life right now, you’re not entitled to a penny for that. People who are paid to babysit and be a maid, do it all day, then go home and clean their own house and take care of their own children, and pay their own bills. They aren’t being paid just to take care of THEIR responsibilities. Stop worrying about blowing more money than you already are, and focus on bettering your sense of responsibility and saving up to get your own place.
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Luxuries aren’t a given, including money for extras. He needs to provide the necessities and give you breaks when you ask for them, which costs nothing. $50/wk is a lot. We do “allowance” for both of us and it’s all we are allowed to spend on ourselves without the other’s permission (which usually we don’t spend any money on ourselves, just household stuff, nothing for ourselves outside of holidays, even the kids have that rule, we aren’t rich). We use a chore app for household duties and hygiene and childcare and the maximum allowance per week for each of us is $10, which is if all housework and hygiene is completed and the average baby duties, on time, then it totals about $10. And we don’t eat out more than McDonald’s 3-4x/mo, and we get the cheapest groceries possible, no movies or pricey date nights, no amusement parks, nothing. And i get disability payments. And my bf makes significantly more than yours. Bills aren’t cheap. Pick up a side job if you’re looking for $225/mo 🤷♀️
You guys should be sharing his money. You shouldn’t even have to ask.