M-I-L

My mom did it a couple of times. I get she was attempting to help but it always made me feel crap. I was a very anxious new mom anyways, I didn't get any confidence in myself until I started baby yoga. I learnt to slow me down and breath so that I wouldn't make the baby worse and could figure out what he needed. Because I was so anxious he would start crying and I automatically assumed I'd done something wrong. It meant when he was not hungry or needed a fresh bum I would be on verge of meltdown within seconds. She would take him off me and sort it out because I was too worked up to, which was a vicious cycle because I felt like I was a failure for not being able to meet my babys needs.

I imagine she wasn't trying to be upsetting or hurt your feelings. Grandparents are very excited to help a lot of times even when the help isn't needed. I'm regards to not seeing her, as awkward as it may feel prolonging things will o lu compound that feeling and instead of making things better will likely make them worse.

Gotta stand up for yourself and your baby. Unfortunately MILs often overstep thinking they are being helpful or in some cases just being controlling. Only way to make it stop is to have a conversation about it and set clear boundaries xxx

I had something similar and I just regret not saying something in the moment, I think it's best to nip it in the bud. Hindsight is amazing lol Give yourself some time and you'll move on x

@Heather sorry for the misunderstanding! That is fair enough. You don’t have to meet her if you don’t want to. But please do be more assertive in future. It’s your child and no one should make you feel like they’re overstepping your boundaries x

@Mariam I never said I would stop her from seeing her grandchild. I said I don’t feel comfortable seeing her, my partner is welcome to take our son to see her.

Oh reading your situations this what exactly I had with my MIL and that’s not it, she also trying to tell me what to do and how to raise my daughter, what I did wrong and what I shouldn’t do I was quite calm for 9 months but now I am just saying everything what I have in my minds, and also told her “ stop telling me what to do , that’s my child and I will decide what should I do and what i shouldn’t “ it may sounds rude but thats my child I am a mum but I have another problem she keep saying that my daughter is her daughter and her child so basically she is acting like a mother. Make sure you do tell them what you don’t like and what you think is better for your baby I stayed quite for 9 months and at some point it made it worse. Hopefully it will be better xx

Firstly, I don’t think MIL had bad intentions. She probably wanted to help you rather than trying to take over your role. My mother in law does this too as she often thinks she will know how to stop baby from crying/wants to help me out. Secondly, if you didn’t like the way she handled the situation then you need to be assertive and say “I’ll manage thank you”. If you’re not going to say anything to her and then go home and be upset about it and not want to let her see her grandchild again is a bit too much. Because for all you know, MIL wouldn’t have had a bad intention and now you’re denying her from seeing her grandchild because of the way you felt about her soothing your baby. Seems really unfair.

have you got a baby carrier? i baby wore whenever i was around grabby people and it allowed me to be more assertive xx

Oh god, she overstepped a boundary. MIL are creatures of their own design. No you're fully in your right to not want to see her again I really don't get on with my in laws any more so this baby will be different from my daughter...for sure. If you do go again, just got to be firm with her about your boundaries

Honestly, I think you’re being oversensitive and reading too much into this interaction.

And remember, no one DOES anything TO you. It is the way you perceive things that makes you feel a certain emotion. She didn't make you feel I'm competent, but you perceived that she thinks you are incompetent, thereby making you feel like a horrible mom. Another person in the same position might have perceived that she is trying to help and think Thank goodness, I need a break and thereby perceive that she isn't taking over but giving me a break. Life is all about our perception and we can choose how good or how bad that will be. Xx I wish you all the luck and really hope you'll get some peace of mind from this. It's hard enough bring a mama to a little baby. Don't let this take up to much minds pace. You've got this. You're the mom. Xx

She will actually be more careful and considerate in future and you won't have this problem again. But bear in mind, she is human, humans make mistakes so IF something similar were to happen again, you can be more Stern next time and remind her of the 1st conversation you've had. The best way forward is always always always clear and open communication. If you just stop going, she may never understand what she really did wrong and then there will always be uncomfortableness between the 2 if you as you are constantly thinking what shd did and she'd be constantly trying to work out what was so wrong? I hope this makes sense and tgat it helps. By having this open covo now, will really set the boundaries/rules/president for going forward.

My mom does similar stuff to my brother and his wife and child. She just doesn't think that it's wrong or hurtful. All she thinks is that she is helping. So yes, it wasn't the best way to deal with it, but it's also how you perceive the situation. You always have a choice to make and you can decide to perceive a situation as good or as bad as you'd like. Personally, instead of just not going there, I'd either call her, or go there and tell her how she made you feel. In all likelihood, she would be very apologetic and then feel guilty about it. She would explain what she was thinking. And perhaps you can ask her not to do that again, to always first ask you. That way, you have said your mind, in a mature, but peaceful way, you don't resent her or hold a racket against her. You also set a pave forward for how you expect her to react in future.

From another perspective, and not condoning what she did, but in her mind she probably could've thought a number of things: - my daughter in law must be so exhausted by now, let me help her - I've brought up a child (or more) before and have years of experience, I know exactly what to do to help thus baby (thy don't though, but think they do...) - I've not really met my grandson, now he is crying, I'd live to hold him and make him better -poor daughter in law, she's so new to being a mom and probably struggling and no idea yet how to soothe him, let me try and help and show her/give her a break There could've been other thoughts as well. The thing is, you don't really know what she thought, but whatever she did think, I am100% sure she only meant to help and in that instant, all she heard was this poor crying baby. Her own motherly instincts kicked in and without even thinking, she 'helped'.

I wouldn’t have let baby go 🤷‍♀️ She definitely overstepped, but you also need to stand up to yourself.

MILs are something else… If you want some ladies who can commiserate, try this group https://peanut.app.link/Wpldpbgi0cb