@Kamilla she’s said he lies alot… this is not a one time thing. So she obviously cannot trust him
I see. I think he might be uncomfortable sharing his past with exes which isn’t unusual. I have had relationships before my husband but every time I share something from past I don’t say “oh when my ex and I went to Hawaii…. “ I prefer to say “I went to Hawaii once with some friends”. Its not me lying to him as he didn’t even ask oh what friends?! Do I know them? Etc. I don’t get i to details as they are not important at all and it would make me uncomfortable to even say that because I don’t think it’s necessary at all to let past into my marriage and leave room for imagination. So in your case, I think he might be comfortable for his own reasons. You can explore it with him but it also appears that you want to micro manage every little thing that he does and catch all inconsistencies. This is not healthy for you. Give him a benefit of the doubt and work on your own sense of security. If he ever intentionally lies about something, trust me, you will know about it!
It's the unresolved things that will get you in the end. I'm at the end of a relationship where I've been lied to about petty things and been treated awful because he was keeping secrets and they ate him up. I was understanding for so long but now I'm done and it's cost me my mental health and 3 years of distraction from my own life. If you aren't happy and you are not being listened to unfortunately sometimes you have to do what you don't want to do. It's tough. But worth it if it makes you happy in the long run. Look out for the red flags next time. That's what I will do if I ever meet anyone else. For now I want to concentrate on my kids. I don't want to lose anymore time with them. X
Trust me I understand this. But if the threat of leaving isn’t working you have to actually leave. He needs to see this isn’t acceptable to you . I understand how hard it would be but honesty is so important . Lying fuels other issues like trust and insecurity. It can become a addiction if not already. Nip it in the bud now
@Amy so basically I did this before and we did break up for a bit but my friend was like let me speak to him and hopefully I can get through to him, you don’t want to be a single mum. So she got through to him and he seem to get it and it was going well for a bit and we currently on holiday to try have a fresh start but this holidays he’s been constantly on his phone, hiding what he’s doing on his phone at times, then now this lying. Tbh the lying part I couldn’t push aside. I don’t even know what to do anymore. Do I just end it because it seems every time I really try with this relationship I feel like I’m doing it all for nothing because of the constant problems that never get solved
You’re going to have to scare him into changing. Tell him you can’t take the lying anymore and if you don’t see a change you’re leaving. And you have to actually leave unfortunately. Tell him whatever it is you won’t be mad. Just tell the truth. And obviously stick to that. Don’t be angry. But yeah. If you stay and have this convo again and again nothing will change
@Kamilla I don’t know why he would think I would get upset. We always have conversations about pass relationships as I feel it helps us understand each other and how to be better to each other in the relationship from looking as past ones. He has lied about other stuff like sometimes he okay to talk about exs and other times he lies. He lies about certain things that just makes no sense to lie. The swearing on baby’s life ain’t mature I get it but if that is not said I will never find the truth there and then
You already knew he went with his ex when you started asking. He didn’t want to say it as he thought you might get upset. I wouldn’t worry about him lying based on this interaction. You both need to drop swearing on a baby thing. Its too immature for two adults having a child together.
@Davie Yeh I’ve told him to be honest and open and there’s no need to lie. I’ve had conversations with him about how I hate liars and how I lose trust if someone does that. I explained I’m always honest and open with him so I would like the same and he agrees but then comes to times like these and he lies. Last week he lied saying he’s still on way home from station to his house which is a 5 min walk and supposedly took 30 mins to get home. He didn’t realise I could see where his location was so he lied and I just let that pass but last night when he lied I couldn’t let that pass
He knows that but continues to lie?
@Davie Yeh I mean he already knows that. Had that conversation so many times, he knows how much I hate liars and I rather someone be honest no matter what than lie.
I understand that, well you need to communicate with him that you are not okay with lying and he needs to be honest from now on even if it hurts you.
@Davie Yeh I’ve been through a past relationship we’re he did small lies at beginning and ended up worse lies the longer I stayed in relationship. I don’t want to do the same mistake again in this relationship and the more he lies the more I don’t trust him. All I’m thinking is what else is he hiding or lying about
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I don’t think “ swearing on baby life “ is a good thing at all…. But he could of just told you the truth since that’s in the past ya know but yeah little lies cover big lies.
@Amy was just finna say that. He obviously is a liar, if he’s doing it more than once.