Negligent dad during visits. Advice.

My boyfriend and I and our young toddler son were playing basketball outside in the background. I went inside for a minute and came back out to boyfriend realizing that our son was not In sight and was riding his toy down the driveway heading towards the street. I was so mad and frustrated and spoke my mind. He agreed with me that I was right. I try hard to let dad be the dad and pull back because I have bad anxiety BUT how can I when my Boyfriend is reckless with stuff like this. This is not the first time where my child could have potentially been hurt or killed in my eyes due to his negligence. We talked about it before. Sadly, I need to go back to always being around. Would you then feel safe with your child’s Father being alone with your child Even for a few Seconds?

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No I don’t trust my baby daddy I would be mad too my child dad doesn’t look across the street with her and I told him so many times to look 👀 I’m always around when he’s with my child

@cynthia totally understandable. I don’t know what goes through their heads I swear. I see how so many children are able to go with their dad and It makes me think. He mentions the idea of taking him somewhere and giving me a break but I can’t even get myself comfortable with that. I’ve only let them be alone in the backyard and my anxiety still gets me. My little one is 2 and he has been with me ever since birth. I love the time but We deserve the break though 😔

One thing that I see here is that you are always around him so he doesn’t have to have that mental load. I think instead of being around more often and telling your boyfriend that you miss trust him with the child, and make himself doubt himself around his child, that you should actually go on a trip for a week by yourself. Tell him that he has the responsibility of keeping your son alive. He has to do the meals, planning, getting to daycare/school, bath time, play time, nap time. He has to do everything that you do for a full week all on his own. I guarantee you that he will see how much you do and appreciate you 10 times more. This will also give him some time to figure it out himself, if he rarely has the opportunity, then, it’s no surprise that he fucksup when he gets it. right now he’s not in the mental state where he thinks “I’m responsible for my child” because he knows “mom is responsible for my child and I don’t look after him too well because that’s what I’ve been told.”

Because he’s in the mental state of Mom is in charge of our child, when you went inside, he still thinking that you are in charge of your child. I think in those situations before you go inside, you need to say “ hey, I’m going inside for a minute, so you need to make sure that you’re looking after our child carefully, because I won’t be able to.” Because I don’t think that he knows when he is supposed to be in charge and yes, that absolutely sucks and no it shouldn’t be that way. He should know that he’s in charge of his child at all times just as you are but if you’ve taken on that mental load and haven’t made him to step up to the plate then he’s never going to.

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