Managing expectations/boundaries after birth

So with baby coming in the next few weeks I really want to start making sure people know what I want after I’ve given birth… I am quite an anxious person and get overwhelmed easily so desperately need to not have people showing up all the time. We are also really adamant we don’t want baby on social media. I was thinking of sending a message out to everyone just so I don’t end up having difficult conversations once baby is here…. Please can people give me an honest opinion? I don’t want to sound mean but I really need to protect my mental health and friends who have had babies have told me I really do need to set some boundaries beforehand. ‘Baby girl will soon be with us and we can’t wait to share her with you, however we ask that you please don’t put any photos of her on social media as we prefer a bit more privacy. Please be patient with us if you wish to visit and arrange this with us, please don’t show up unannounced. As you will know, having a newborn is overwhelming and our priority is settling in as a family of 3. Thank so much for respecting our wishes 💕’

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@Jodie yes I’ve never had a bad experience here 💕

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@Hayley lesson learnt, it was awful!!

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I posted it on a Facebook group weeks back and people were lovely about offering advice as I also thought I was being unreasonable. I agree with Hayley stick to us on here! ☺️ x

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Net Mums always strikes me as a very judgemental place. Just come off that site and stick to us ✌🏻🥹🥰

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Thanks guys, I also put this post on netmums for opinions and people were so horrible to me, told me I was selfish and rude and OTT so I don’t think I’m going to send anything at all now 😖

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I think this is really reasonable. Start the message with ‘Hi everyone’ so people don’t think its a personal attack on them. If people know this message has gone out to multiple people, they will feel pressure to oblige x

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I totally get this. I sent a message to my MIL telling her I am getting a Caesarian and what date, and that we will let her know when we are ready for visitors, once settled in at home, and she didn’t reply for 2 days and then when she did it was just to ask if anyone would be visiting at hospital 🙄 think we will also need to mention nearer the time about not turning up unannounced etc

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@Jodie you don’t sound horrible at all ❤️our generation are much better at setting boundaries but it’s so important because mental health is so fragile with all the hormones ❤️ could you write her a letter or something? Just to explain how you feel? She will probably be upset but that’s on her not on you.

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It makes me sound terrible that I don’t want her here, it’s not that I’m not grateful for the help, but she will try and take over, and be a hero and then we will butt heads and argue! Totally not worth it when my emotions are all over the place already. She lives over an hour away from me and although I’ve explained that it’s just a case of the time or day etc when I do go into labour on who takes me to the hospital (my partner doesn’t drive) she still hasn’t taken the hint really… my mother in law and all of my partners family live within a 10 minute drive from us, so it would be convenience more than anything. I feel like I’m being a really horrible person but I’ve been trying to put boundaries in for months now and still not listening. I don’t even want to tell anyone I’m in labour, although I am being induced next Friday, I haven’t told anyone x

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@Jodie my mum and dad aren’t the issue, they have actually helped me write this, it’s more my in laws. I just don’t wanna risk people rocking up to ‘help’ (because they do mean well I know) when I am healing and sleep deprived and I don’t wanna offend people because let’s face it we aren’t going to be polite after birth!! You may be better off having a conversation directly with your mum to explain? I definitely wouldn’t want anyone staying here, and me and my mum have the best relationship. It’s crucial family time as a 3 💕

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@Jo yes, I wouldn’t be sending anything if I knew people wouldn’t turn up or post on social media. It is mostly my in laws if I’m honest. My partners sister fell out with us as we wouldn’t let her post our pregnancy announcement on social media so yes, unfortunately people are very likely to do what we don’t want them to. This actually won’t be going to everyone, our friends wouldn’t be a problem or my parents but older generations just don’t have the same boundaries .

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Is there anyone you know who will actually share pics and turn up unannounced? 😅 Most of my family and friends have been like "let us know when you want us to come over" rather than "we'll be there on day one!!!!" If you have people like that in your life then I think the message you've suggested is fine to send to those sort of types. Otherwise I think most people are aware that you need space during those first few days and weeks.

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I wanted to post something similar, mainly because my mum is asking to take time off work etc and come and stay at our house. It sounds really ungrateful but I don’t want her or anyone staying over, or even visits for the first day or few days while we settle in. This is our first baby and I really do feel setting boundaries is crucial so you can bond and get used to having baby at home 🥰. Good luck! X