Before I kill my husband… am I the asshole here?
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@Olivia God knows. I should add that due to the nature of his work, when he’s home, he’s free 24/7. It’s not like he’s going out to work 9-5 and then coming home tired from that and falling asleep. I could understand that. It’s sporadic so I don’t think there’s anything underlying, I think it’s just pure laziness. He sits down, thinks “cool, nothing I need to do” and just dozes off. Just to add as well, baby is sleeping reasonably well (up once/twice a night, maybe 3 on a bad) and we share wake ups so it’s not like we’re sleep deprived because again, I could understand that. 🤪
My husband doesn’t do night feeds and complains of being tired. I am taking on extra weight on the weekends so that he can sleep in more because it is taking a toll on his mental health. X
How annoying! Sometimes i just think...men don't get it? Like one day I had a pretty tough day with my little one and when my partner finally finished work I handed the baby over as I just wanted to sit on my phone for a few minutes and not even 5 minutes had gone by and he was asking for help with picking up a tissue!! I was furious, just do it yourself! Holding a baby doesnt mean you suddenly can't do anything else. Sometimes I also think that this laziness and reluctance could be lack of confidence too. There isn't much advice I can give that I'm sure you haven't already done, but maybe you go out for a few hours (retail therapy!) So then he has to figure out what to do
The first 2 months I would get so upset that my partner would just fall asleep in minutes and the snoring! I need at least 30mins to an hour to fall asleep and then our daughter wakes up. Weekends he tries to help but I still do most of the work. I like him better the last 2 weeks because I'm getting more sleep and feeling less emotional. Speak to your hubby and tell him what you need and try to figure out what is making you upset. Assuming you would like some adult time after hanging with Baby all day. That was part of my frustration.
I would be looking at why he is so tired. Because he works away, maybe he isn't feeling confident with the baby also. I would sit down with him and chat about how you're feeling. Might be a reason he's like this xx
@Monica Pereira, same here!
I don’t think it’s a confidence thing. To clarify, our ‘baby’ is nearly 18 months old so we’re very much out of the pit of sleep deprivation. My husband has been home for at least half of that time and has more experience with babies/kids than I do. He’s also had our LO overnight for 2 nights before and been fine so I struggle to believe that’s it. It’s not even being left with the baby that bothers me, I’m very used to that by now and baby was asleep both times yesterday/today. It just feels disrespectful. We get so little time together and when we do, he keeps falling asleep. Like am I so boring that you can’t possibly stay awake? Do you value my/our time so little that it doesn’t matter if you miss it? He’s going back to work on Wednesday and I just feel shit now because I don’t want him to leave on a sour note but I just can’t hide my frustration at this point.
In defence to your husbands way of falling asleep (not that part where he doesn’t help when needed), I can fall asleep within 2min if I’m just sitting down still. I fallen asleep multiple times while talking to my husband. Even if I’m going through the worst stressful moments I can fall asleep within minutes no matter what. Sofa, bench outside, car, theatre, movies, coffee shop! It’s usually worse if my iron is down. However I still get up and do the feeds, and nappy changes and putting babies back to sleep, because it’s easier for me to go back to sleep than my husband. My husband needs an hour or more to go back to sleep, so I understand the frustration. I don’t think you can be angry at your husband for the way he’s able to fall asleep because it’s not his fault, but you can certainly be pissed at him for not putting an effort to spending quality time with you.
Also I came across this some time ago, when I was searching “am I bored of my spouse, because I’m falling asleep”?! 😂 Research supports the idea that spending quality time with your long-term partner can have a soothing effect on your mind and body. When you're in the presence of your beloved, the release of oxytocin and serotonin, known as the "feel-good" chemicals, kicks in, triggering a state of relaxation and contentment. Numerous studies have revealed the power of these chemicals in fostering emotional bonds and reducing stress. In addition, oxytocin, often called the "love hormone," is associated with trust. Maybe your partner just feels really calm and relaxed at home when he comes back home? 😅 feel free to disagree, because only you know the full details of your everyday life 😊
@Monika I wish it were something that cute, I really do 😂 but I’m having a hard time believing that’s the case haha.
Fair enough 😂 in that case I would say communicate your needs and frustration in a calm and assertive way. I had to say this to my husband the other day. After a stressful non stop week, we had an evening free for us to spend some quality time. While I was showering he went and called his friend who lives overseas and ended up talking to him for over 2hrs. Safe to say at this point I lost all the interest in spending any time with him. I was fuming.
@Monika Ahh I can appreciate that! What’s irking me most right now is he hasn’t even attempted to apologise. In fact he’s barely spoken to me at all. 😑
I can understand the frustration and being furious. I guess the first thing to do is find out why he is falling asleep, why is is more tired? Does it happened every day when he doesn't help or is it sporadic.