Sister worries
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My sister’s similar but not in an overbearing way at all. She loves my boy like he’s one of her own (she has 3 kids), and it gives me such peace of mind that he has people like that in his life. My little boys also my first, I just think at times when siblings have children already & we’re the ‘new’ mums, they just think they’re being more a help to you than anything as they’ve been there/done that sorta thing. I’m sorry I cant give much advice because I LOVE that I get some relief from my aching arms when my sisters about & can enjoy a cuppa whilst its hot 🤣 I dont know if you’re close as sisters where you could openly talk about anything, but honestly I’d just let her know that you’re fine & will ask for help when you need it? X
Just to offer up the other perspective, before I had my baby, if I had hold of one of my friends children when they were a baby, and they started crying, I’d offer to keep hold of baby if they started crying because I didn’t mind trying to settle them, and thought I was giving my friends a break. I never even thought that I was doing any wrong by not immediately handing them back. I know that now, but as your sisters kids are older maybe she just doesn’t remember the feeling of needing your newborn back when they cry? I think it’s sweet that she’s wanting to treat all the cousins as little best friends in matching outfits and it sounds like she’s just being a loving aunty to me but wanting her name to be baby’s first words I would say is overstepping.
My sister started like this under a veil of being helpful and kind but then kidnapped my son and I had to call the police for kidnapping to get him back. She’s a naturalist and doomsday prepper and felt her way was better/safer than mine and she was a better mom. If minor things are happening now shut it down before it becomes major. Our relationship never recovered and we haven’t spoke since.
I’m gonna play the devils advocate on some stuff. I think after having kids and having been through the ringer she maybe thinks she’s being helpful to you and is trying to be the person she wish she had around? Like when the babies crying or when you have a drink? The outfit stuff I can’t speak on we do that stuff with my niece and my kids for holidays and find it fun…but that’s just us. At the end of the day it’s your baby and you get to make the calls, if you want your baby handed to you when they’re upset then that’s 100000% fine, if you wanna hold your baby and have the drink then do that! I don’t think she’s being weird but you’re not being on edge! It’s your baby :)
Honestly, screaming, "He's my baby," might not actually be such a bad idea. I speak from experience when I say that sometimes, embarrassing overbearing family members is the only way to get them to knock it off.
I think she’s trying to be helpful! I’d love to be able to finish a drink while it was hot and I think the matching outfit thing is cute! I think with the holding when crying she probably thinks she is giving you a break id just sit her down and tell her that you would like him back when you ask for him xx
She might be well-intentioned and she might just be missing baby snuggles but she’s ignoring your cues. The fact that it is making you and your partner uncomfortable is more than enough. Just take the baby back, don’t cave to her reassurances. “He needs me” or “I need him” is sufficient. Period. You are Mom.
I think she’s out of line and you should create some distance and boundaries. If you and your husband “look bad” who cares, it’s your baby and your family and you don’t need to justify anything to anyone.