Father’s Day..

Is this normal, I just find it a little odd. My partners mum just messaged this morning asking what my partner would like for Father’s Day for her to get him. The last I checked, he’s not her dad and I of course will be sorting out a present for him from our child. Its his first Father’s Day so I can completely understand if she wants to acknowledge it with a little card, even some chocolates or a bottle of wine just to show she has thought of him. But a proper present like it’s on her to get him just seems a little odd to me. Let me know if I’m wrong. I don’t want to come across like I’m making the day about myself and preventing him from being spoilt. I just feel it’s not her place to be doing it if that makes sense.
Like
Share Mobile
Share
  • Share

Show your support

Ehhh I guess if for Mother’s Day my dad got me a gift to acknowledge and celebrate the mother that I am, I would find that a really nice gesture..

My mum often gets me a little something for mothers day 💕 I don't think this is out of the ordinary 🤷‍♀️

Maybe it’s all new to her as well or maybe she wants to make more out of it as it’s his first one.

My mil got my partner a fathers day card for his first fathers day and I found it odd and creepy as its not her place IMO

Its a sweet gesture. I dont think its yours or her place. Its something you both can do. She is allowed to get her son something. It doesnt take anything away from you.

My mum got me a present for Mother’s Day. I’d just reply in saying aw you don’t need to worry I’ve sorted out the present from the kids already. Then if she wants to get him something extra she can

As I said, I completely understand the if she wants to acknowledge his first Father’s Day with a card and a little something but the message came across like she wants to get him a proper present. It’s the same message she sends for his birthday and Christmas. I also think it’s sweet she wants to do something kind for his first Father’s Day. My mum would do something small and sweet for Mother’s Day also, but personally, if my dad felt the need to buy me a huge bunch of flowers or a big present on Mother’s Day I would question why he couldn’t leave it to my partner to arrange. I personally just feel like his main present should come from his son not his mum. Maybe I’m wrong but it’s just a bit weird to me 🤷🏽‍♀️

All I see if a mother wanting to get her son a present to acknowledge that he is now a father….. I have 2 boys and when they grow up and become parents I would 100% buy them something for Father’s Day and their partners something for Mother’s Day. She’s being a thoughtful mother just give her some suggestions for some small gifts if you want to do the main one

@Charlotte I agree. Let her buy something small and you focus on the big gift. If she complains with the small gift then you have a problem otherwise don’t stress it.

That’s a nice reply. I’ll use that and I’ll just let her know what chocolate/wine he likes. I don’t want to prevent a mum for doing something nice for her son, but also I just feel a bit like I don’t need to think of additional things for her to get him as well.

If it’s something she wants to do and doesn’t impact you then let her. Sounds like a lovely gesture to me, and surely your husband can’t be too spoilt on Father’s Day. Her getting him a gift won’t take anything away from what you do for him on the day, just embrace it and be happy your MiL has an interest in her sons life 😀 just my opinion X

I think you’re overthinking it. Your husband will just be grateful so many people love him. Without being rude, remember the day is about him and his child, not you or your MIL. Just embrace it and everyone will be happy. XX

That’s really sweet and nothing wrong to acknowledge and congratulate her son for becoming a father.

@Jennifer completely agree that he can’t be too spoilt on Father’s Day and if she would like to make a gesture to acknowledge Father’s Day. I think I’ve mentioned that a few times in this thread that I understand her wanting to make a gesture. It kind of does impact me though, her lovely gesture is actually me having to do all the thinking for her on top of sorting my own stuff. I feel the thoughtfulness is kind of lost when she actually doesn’t want to do any thinking her self. It may sound like I dislike his mum and don’t want her acknowledging her sons special day but that really isn’t the case. He isn’t a materialistic person he really appreciates the thought that goes into gifts no matter how small they are and to me asking someone else to tell you what to buy isn’t thoughtful.

Maybe she is asking you so you both dont get similar things? I would hate it if when my son grows up his partner had an issue with me wanting to get him a gift. Let a mother show her son some love. This day is about him not how you feel about him getting a gift off his mum.

Try today for free
Scan the QR code and join the app
to connect with women at a similar stage in life.
Download Peanut to connect with women at a similar stage in life.

StarStarStarStarStar-Half

Trusted by 5M+ women

Logo
Try today for free
Scan the QR code and join the app
to connect with women at a similar stage in life.
Download Peanut to connect with women at a similar stage in life.

StarStarStarStarStar-Half

Trusted by 5M+ women

Logo

@Charlotte I have a son too and again, not against a little acknowledgment for his first one and for a special day too him. But she wants to do a gesture and have someone do the thoughtful bit for her.. and her usual trick if I do suggest stuff for birthdays etc is ti actually get me to buy it and wrap and she just gives the money at some point so it’s likely that’s what she would expect in this instance too x

@Mimi im sorry but where did I once say she can’t get him anything to acknowledge his day? In every single reply I have said I understand her wanting to get him a little something. What I have said, is I don’t believe it’s a thoughtful gesture when she hasn’t been bothered to think of a gift and secondly, her initial message came across like she would feel the need to sort big presents for him when that would obviously come from his son

1 reply

Why do the big gifts have to come from his son? Obviously his son can’t get those gifts, so why not let him have big gifts from everyone. It sounds like jealousy or something like that…

I definitely think it’s getting missed that i have not said she cannot get her son a present and acknowledge Father’s Day. The initial post I even said I understand this and I’ve said it over and over since

I'm going against the grain and will say I thought it was weird too because it was never something that happened in my family growing up so I didn't understand why she was doing it. In our situation it became clear she just likes getting people gifts because she does it for all the small events, does it all the time, for everyone in her life and I'd probably be a little put out if she didn't now lol. It just wasn't my norm, but now I have a new norm.

I don’t think that’s odd, we always get everyone gifts. My dad, his dad, my grandpa when he was around, and my parents got me gifts for Mother’s Day this year, so I don’t see an issue with it at all I think it’s a sweet gesture. That’s her son.

As someone who doesn’t get on with her MIL very well (and has posted here numerous times) I’d say chose your battles. She wants to celebrate her son being a father… as long as she’s not singing the card ‘to dad’ and rather to her son I personally don’t see a problem.

@Ashley thanks for your advise. I’m sure she wouldn’t sign it to dad as that would be very odd and I actually think I card is a lovely thing for her to do x

I don’t see the issue…I think it’s very nice of her, my Father called & asked me to breakfast for Mother’s Day & I haven’t even had my baby yet.💀

My mother in law gets my husband a gift for everyyy holiday. Even Easter! (She has two girls and he’s her only boy) Lol. My husband would say that wine and chocolate is a girly present so if she asked, I would say a shirt or sunglasses.

@Madeleine I say them things as if it was something like clothes I would have to go and get it myself or look through on line and send her links and to be honest, I just don’t have time to be looking for clothes for him for her to get him. Also, he actually doesn’t need or particularly want anything at the minute so it’s been hard enough for me to think of ideas for him 😂 I’ve already spent days coming up with ideas for him and I have so much else on I can’t spend a load more time thinking for her. He does like certain chocolates and never gets bought them so always steals mine when I get them so he will enjoy some treats just for himself and he always enjoys a decent bottle of wine. My spare time at the minute is actually planning the week out for her as she is coming to visit just after Father’s Day for a week with her friend and she’ll want plans sorting for each day she is here which is fine but we also moved house just before lo was born so we are just getting finished …

Decorating but the final finishing touches all need to be done and obviously having a new baby takes up a lot of time too. Especially as a day a week I tend to drive 2 hours each way with our baby so both sides of our family can see him regularly. So basically my point is I don’t have time to think of things for her to get him or to end up buying them on her behalf right now. I think I would prefer her gesture if she just thought and got him something he would like herself and a card if that’s what she would like to do and not give me another thing to think about lol x

Incognito You finding it odd, saying its not her place and not wanting her to get a 'proper' present is hardly understanding. Rather petty.

@Mimi I think it’s pretty normal for the father or mother to spoilt by their actual child on there individual days. I would also argue there is little thoughtfulness if you can’t think of a little gift yourself, but rather you have to ask a new mother who already has a lot on their plate to choose their present, and likely even collect the present just so they can say they got them something

1 reply

Why can’t you just tell her you don’t know and let her get whatever she thinks is adequate?!

Then just tell her to pick her own gift because you dont have the time to. Easily solved.

@Victoria that is so sweet. My Dad passed away last year and I miss him every day. Enjoy every second you have together 🧡

Try today for free
Scan the QR code and join the app
to connect with women at a similar stage in life.
Download Peanut to connect with women at a similar stage in life.

StarStarStarStarStar-Half

Trusted by 5M+ women

Logo
Try today for free
Scan the QR code and join the app
to connect with women at a similar stage in life.
Download Peanut to connect with women at a similar stage in life.

StarStarStarStarStar-Half

Trusted by 5M+ women

Logo

@Mimi to be honest, your response has been rather unhelpful as I’ve not once said their is any issue in her getting him a little something. But to me, buying big presents for your son on Father’s Day is a bit weird. She absolutely has every right to get him something and help make him feel special on his day whilst also remembering it is HIS and his sons day. I would also like to hope that when my son is older I wouldn’t put it on my daughter in law to decide presents for my son on my behalf but rather I still took time myself to find him something he would enjoy.

1 reply

It’s not his and his son’s day. It’s Father’s Day, as in all fathers can be celebrated by everyone! You came here for validation, you didn’t get it and now you keep saying the same thing all over again. Most of us don’t agree with you…

Incognito, you’re replying back to everyone pretty fast so I’m sure you have 10 minutes to find a present for your husband lol. It’s thoughtful that she wants to buy your husband something ❤️

You dont have to directly say you have an issue. Your post pretty much does that for you. Its ok if you dont find my opinion helpful. We just have different points of views. Whatever you decide to do i hope its a wonderful day for you all

@Ashley I’m sorry to hear you lost your dad, I hope you’re doing well🤍

@Natacia that’s an interesting take actually. Thank you for that, maybe it’ll become the new norm x

@Mimi I absolutely do not have an issue in her helping to make his day special as you’ve previously said it’s his day and she’s his mum so I’m sure she wants to also make sure he has a good day and I wouldn’t let her feel like she couldn’t be included or get him anything. But yes you are right, we can agree our opinions just differ. I will add which may be tmi it is my first period since having my baby so it’s could be a case that I’m overly hormonal at the minute but either way, I let her know we have sorted his presents but if she wants to add something to help make his day special I have her a list of his favourite treats which I know he’ll enjoy. @Madeleine your husband may find wine and chocolate quite girly but my partner does actually enjoy these things I wouldn’t really say wine is a girly gift from where I’m from anyway and I see where you’re coming from with chocolates, I don’t mean like a box of girly chocolates more of a collection of his fave treats

I agree that maybe a little something to acknowledge it would be nice but I’d find it a bit odd if my mil was to go all out (not that she would as she doesn’t even bother for his birthdays🙄). It’s not her dad so it’s not on her and in my opinion the day should be spent with just you guys to celebrate it. My sister bought me flowers for my first Mother’s Day which I found quite nice but anything more would just be awkward cause it’s like I’m grateful but why?

You’re wrong it’s not weird.

I think we forget that it’s her son ( we are all moms and love our kids) and it’s a big milestone worthy of love and celebration. Gift giving is a form of expressing just that - congratulating your son on his very special 1st Father’s Day.

@Mariam does she also make your husband choose your jewellery for her?

I respect everyone has different opinions on this and maybe my opinion is wrong in some peoples eyes. Like I said in the beginning, i understand she wants to acknowledge a special day, I just personally find it odd that she would want to take it upon herself rather than from his son. Some of the replies from people have been less supportive with giving me advice and more quite rude in terms of calling me petty and weird for having a different opinion. Obviously, not everyone is going to think the same and a lot of what most people have said I’ve taken on board and to welcome her gesture and I could be a lot more positive of it. I don’t really appreciate the pretty rude responses from some and it’s made me wish I didn’t make the original post and certainly question whether this app is something for me.

My only issue is when they forget we are parents now is well and get annoyed when we have arranged to celebrate it as a family instead of them

@Mariam I’m pleased that works for you and sounds like it’s a lovely set up you have

I don’t think it’s weird at all! It’s lovely if she wants to acknowledge her son’s first father’s day however way she wants. Her buying a present doesn’t mean she is taking the celebration away from you, you can always get him a present too and celebrate as a family. What’s wrong with more presents ?

I can't put my finger on why but this would really piss me off 😂

Try today for free
Scan the QR code and join the app
to connect with women at a similar stage in life.
Download Peanut to connect with women at a similar stage in life.

StarStarStarStarStar-Half

Trusted by 5M+ women

Logo
Try today for free
Scan the QR code and join the app
to connect with women at a similar stage in life.
Download Peanut to connect with women at a similar stage in life.

StarStarStarStarStar-Half

Trusted by 5M+ women

Logo

This sounds like something my own mother would ask of me. Even though she knows I’m perfectly able to get my partner a present from our sprout, I would initially (like you perhaps) be offended cos it would make me feel like I can’t be trusted to look after my own…..but when I really think of the person she is I’m pretty sure she’d be doing it to take some pressure off of me and to help out, or even like you said just a nice gesture to make him feel special? X

My parents got me gifts for mother’s day so did my husband i dont think its weird at all

My mother in law is getting my husband (her son) a gift for father day and nothing is wrong with that because that is her son she even has a lil party for Father’s Day and invites all the men in our family over we make a big day of it just as we did for Mother’s Day…..that is his mother she came before you and a mother is there’s son first love he should get all the gifts from whoever because he is a father and doing a great job let him get all the appreciation he can stop over thinking things….I’m just being honest

I always thought Father’s Day was to celebrate all fathers. I personally don’t see why she can’t get him or gift my partner doesn’t have parents anymore but my mom gets him a card for Father’s Day even tho technically this will be his first official one since we lost our first child and I think it sweet I never seen a problem with celebrating fathers that isn’t exactly yours. But i soils tells her a gift card to his favorite place would be good you don’t have to search for gifts or go shopping for it

I don’t think it’s odd. My parents and in-laws have always gifted myself and my husband things for mothers and Father’s Day. They’re celebrating us as well! Where I drew the line with my mother in law this year was her trying to claim Mother’s Day for herself and telling us we needed to come over. I told my husband that it’s not only about her anymore and I wanted to spend my Mother’s Day with my little family. We ended up doing a Mother’s Day celebration with my mom on Friday and we saw my in-laws on Saturday and I got to take the Sunday to just hang with my husband and my son on my own terms.

Read more on Peanut
Trending in our community