Am I the bad guy?

I’m 30 weeks pregnant today! (Yay)
But for my whole pregnancy just about I have had issues with my brother in law and his family coming over almost daily (they are our neighbors) and it’s not that I hate them, they’re just very loud and disrespectful and they let their children (3 and almost 2) break our stuff and don’t apologize or offer to replace them, they’ve started biting my 2 year old , and their oldest climbs on and stands on our kitchen table.
They do not discipline or try to help us get their kids under control. It’s up to me and my husband because they don’t want to get off their phones or pay attention. Up until last week they would also bring their dog who would go crap in my daughters room. I have complained to my husband over and over again and he makes it out like I just don’t want him to see his family. When the reality is, I just want to be comfortable and respected in my home. I don’t want to get stressed out to the point I go hide in our bedroom until they leave. I love my nephews, I’m just exhausted. I want to enjoy my space and not have it destroyed right after I get done cleaning it. Working, being a mom and being pregnant is hard. And then not being able to relax has me so stressed out. But my husband said, “why would you want that life for me?” Thinking I want him alone with no people over ever.. and that’s not the case. I literally just want them to watch their kids and respect us and our home. Am I the bad guy? It’s gotten to the point I feel so resentful towards all of them and I hate feeling that way, it’s not me. Anytime I’ve tried standing up to his brother he just talks crap to me and it makes the situation worse so I’ve kept it to myself. I don’t even feel comfortable talking to my husband about it anymore because there’s no point. I haven’t even set up my sons half of the kids room because it’s all gonna get tore up. Someone give me some advice because I’m lost. And I can’t leave my husband, I’d have no car to get to work, and I don’t make enough to get a place of my own. What would you do ?

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I would tell everyone straight up that I want to peacefully enjoy the rest of my pregnancy and to respect my boundaries. Maybe try setting up times when they come over or even do things as a group but make sure that you’re to it. At the end of the day it is ok to be a little selfish. I would also remind your brother in law that it is not y’all’s responsibility to monitor their kids

you deserve to feel safe, heard, and comfortable in your home. hubby needs to understand that. especially while you’re pregnant and needing comfort the most. 🩷

sooo basically him and his family is gaslighting the fuck out of you.. gross. i’m so sorry you’re having to deal with that.

Tell your husband that he is free to go spend time at his brother’s house (why is it that they always come over instead of him going to their house?), but that you don’t have the energy/capacity to host his family as often as you have been doing because the baby is almost here. He’s a grown-ass man who is capable of going over to his brother’s house (you can even frame it as “I really need some quiet time for a nap, so why don’t you go hang out at your brother’s”).

I agree with — if they live so close that they want to intrude your house every day, why can’t your husband just go over there all the time?

I say give them an ultimatum, either your brother in law respects your house and things and takes responsibility for his kids or he and his kids aren't welcome over. It's one thing to have family over, it's another if they are destroying your home with no respect for you. How are you meant to raise a new baby if they are going to he breaking things that aren't their's? Sometimes you need to set boundaries with family, even your own.

I agree with that 100%

Your not wrong, and saying do you want that life for him rather than realizing the stress and discomfort his pregnant wife is in is gas lighting . He can literally go to their house if he wants to see them oh so bad…legit neighbors so how miserable could he possibly be with go over there vs them coming to your house? but the biting, the dog, standing on the table??? You definitely don’t allow your children to act that way in someone else’s home family or not and you have every right to speak up about it. If they don’t like it they can kindly stay home. They can have specific visiting days/times and those aren’t your children to discipline because if the rolls were flipped they’d probably want you to check your kids if they disrespect their home that way.

Why can't he go over there to visit with his family?

^ true!!

90% of the time they just come over unannounced and burst into the door trying to scare us. So I lock the door now so they at least have to knock 🤦🏼‍♀️

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