I’m sure that I’m losing my mind

I just had a chemical miscarriage last month. I don’t know how- but I knew I was pregnant long before I got any positive tests and I knew that something was wrong before I learned that my HCG had dropped to negative levels. It’s a new cycle (medicated so I know when I ovulated) and I’m falling back into this routine of testing like a freak. I had four pregnancy tests- one ClearBlue digital, one ClearBlue blue dye, and two ClearBlue pink dye tests that were specifically early result tests. I took one of the 6 days before tests and saw the FAINTEST line which I’ll post below. I took the blue dye one the next morning and it was like negative negative. So I waited several hours and took the other early response test and saw another faint faint line. At this point, I’m still 2 days from my period but I feel like I would have gotten a positive already if I was pregnant. I think I just so badly want this (after 3 losses back to back and YEARS of infertility) that I’m seeing lines that aren’t there. I legit swear that they’re there in person and even did the trick where I hold a light up to the back to confirm that the lines are there, but it didn’t get darker the day after and the blue dye was very negative. I feel like I’m going actually crazy. I just need some kind of reassurance that I’m not losing my marbles and maybe if I am, somebody can tell me what they did to stop themselves from obsessing over testing. Again- I’m 2 days away from my period and I’m down to one test. I’m not letting myself buy any more this cycle and I’m trying not to test until at least the day that I’m supposed to get it but BRO it’s calling to me like the ocean calls to Moana lmao and my soul is WEAK
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Been there and it's so hard! The urge to test is intense when you want it to be positive so badly. I have had some pretty convincing indent or evaporation lines on first response tests. Incredibly disappointing.

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